[sgnEvan]

I guess you could call me confused in my sexuality like I am not totally gay and not totally straight, however I have been "in love" with the best friend for the past two years.
I have absolutely no idea what to do, like when I was drunk I told him once how I felt about him and I just broke down, not really the image that I wanted him to see of me but that’s what happened.
However he was really good about it and took it better than expected and now we are roommates. We had talked about moving in together because we both wanted to move from our hometown into a bigger city and he still moved with me which was really surprising to me because I thought that he would never talk to me again after I told him about who I feel. However he did and now we are in this situation where I still have very strong feelings for him and want to tell him everyday but I can’t because I don’t want to destroy that we have. We have a great friendship and I love spending time with him.
However I want more and I want to tell him again that I still feel the same way for him and I think that we really should be together but I am very scared because I am afraid that if I tell him again he might take it worse than before and than become awkward around me and this is why I can't tell him that I truly "love him".
I have to put love in quotes because I have dated him or anything like that and I don’t want to seem like a stalker or anything like that but I truly think that I do love him and we should be together.
I have know him for seven years and just recently like I said about a year ago I really started to developing feelings about him and these feelings became really obvious to people because when I got drunk I would show I guess more affection to him and than when I was sober I would act I guess like different in front of my friends like o my god how could I be that retarded and do that so that I could play it off and not tell them, but secretly I was think the opposite.
I feel like I can’t keep living this way like I know that I will always have a very strong connection to him and that I will always love him but keeping it inside and not telling him is killing me inside. Like I think I might be gay but I think me being afraid of what people will think especially my friends and family is holding me back because my friends and family I think are very homophobic and I don’t think that they would accept me for who I am.
But to get back to my main point I love my best friend/roommate and have very strong feelings for him and I want to tell him all the time but feel that I am not worthy of him and that I am either to fat or that my acne or other imperfections will make him think that I am ugly and not worthy of him and this is making me very insecure about myself and I could easily see myself developing an eating disorder or getting into a great depression.
To make things worse his girlfriend who lives back home comes to the city a lot and I see them holding hands and doing other dating things and it kills me. Like how can I see the person I have very strong feelings for acting like this. I feel that they don’t care about my feelings at all as both of them very obviously know how I feel as do all of my friends but since I have not formally come out there is still some mystery and so they do not know for sure but I am sure they all suspect that I am gay.
But yes like I have no idea what to do I "love" him very much and wanted to be more than just friends and it kills because as I write this I can hear them having sex and this kills me even more inside, like this is killing the best years of my life because I am being retarded and can't get over this and its all my fault because he is not giving me signals but I am thinking in my head that he is and that we do have a future and I can see us having a future in my head I just hope all the time he feels the same way. I just truly have no idea what to do and I hope that you can help because I don’t know what to do!! Please help me and tell me if I should tell him again once his girlfriend leaves.

[Clough]

Have you had experience with dating other people?

[cissy0801]

Confront him...

[Clough]

confront him...

Speaking with him would be good! Dialogue is so very important in relationships! But, first it might be a good idea to find out what sgnEvan is really feeling and thinking here... It might be something that would be good to be discussed before a confrontation would happen.

[sgnEvan]

Clough yes I have had experience dating people and I have gone out on dates. You were talking about wanting to know what I am feeling and I was wondering exactly what you meant by that.

[DoYouRealliMeanThat]

You've got to hear from him whether he likes you or he doesn't
This oviously frustrates you and you've got to hear him saw to your face either yes I like you too or no I don't sorry
Like everyone else says.. confront him

[sgnEvan]

I know that I have to confront him and I have already once and he told me that he didn't think of me that way but I have still held onto some hope that he would change. I know this is starting to sound like I obsessing over him and maybe I am but I would like to think I am not because I have not acted on them.
Like I really like him and I am afraid that if I do tell him than he would be as accepting as he was last time and will leave and will be out of life forever and will lose him as a friend which would be even worse. So this is why I am afraid to tell him.

Like what Clough was saying about relationships and wondering if I have been in one, yes I have but it has always been with a woman. Like I don't have these feelings for one else man or woman and have never felt this way about anyone.

[Clough]

Thank you for sharing some, sgnEvan! It is important to do that in order to help you to figure out your situation.

There is one man that I have known for many decades. I love him. He loves me. We have both told each other that on occasions. He is gay. If I were gay, he would be my lover. However, I'm not gay. But, that doesn't mean that we can't love each other.

When was the last time that you were in a relationship? How important do you view being in a relationship to be compared with being the best that you can be for yourself when you are not in a relationship?

I'm just trying to help you to sort and figure out things a little bit at a time. Thank you for being willing to share!

[sgnEvan]

It has been a while since I was in a relationship about two years and I have not gone out with anyone even though there have been times when I could have had relationships with girls I never did so that I would always be available for him I guess if he ever could love me.

I don't really really under stand what you totally men when you are talking about "being in a relationship to be compared with being the best that you can be for yourself when you are not in a relationship". Like the reason I have not told him my true feelings for him is because I don't want to destroy what we currently have.

[Clough]

Basically what I am asking, and although not as simple as this is, do you view having a relationship to be the most important thing in your life? Would you put being in a relationship as being more important than being the best that you can be as an individual for you to advance in your life as an individual?

[sgnEvan]

No like I have not been in a relationship for a while like I said in my las post and am fine staying like this for now and not being in one, but than there are times when I am out with my friends and they are all coupled up and than I feel kind of left out. But no like being in a relationship is not my highest priority.
But would I say no to a relationship with him of course not, but other than that no its not high at all on my list of priority's.

[Clough]

So, what is high on your list of priorities, please?

[sgnEvan]

I don't really know like I am in university so that should be high on my list but really I am not doing as much as I should be and I guess as I think about like just hanging out with the friends I guess is high but like you I guess a relationship is high on my list as I think about it more. Like since we are roommates I try to clean the apartment when he is at work and I make supper for us so that he doesn't need to worry about these things.

[Clough]

Please know that I am just trying to see who you are and what you really feel about you and the things that are of concern in your life. :)

This is all about dialogue and coming to understandings here. There really are no "pat" answers, if people really care about who is asking the questions. Some things can take some time to work out, depending on what you are thinking and feeling. Questions are necessary.

I am concerned about you and would hate to see you get hurt emotionally!

[Clough]

My answer above was supposed to be after yours that was as follows.

Originally posted by sgnEvan I don't really know like I am in university so that should be high on my list but really I am not doing as much as I should be and I guess as I think about like just hanging out with the friends I guess is high but like you I guess a relationship is high on my list as I think about it more. Like since we are roommates I try to clean the apartment when he is at work and I make supper for us so that he doesn't need to worry about these things.

Sorry about that. I thought that you had left the site.

[sgnEvan]

Yes thank you and I hope that I am not giving off any bad vibes because I really appreciate any advice that you guys can give. So please if you need to know anything than ask away because I need help dealing with these problems.

[Clough]

Do you wish this guy well in his relationship with his girlfriend, if that is the thing that he would like to be involved in for his life?

[sgnEvan]

Well at the moment no... I know this sounds really bad but I am fine with her when we are just hanging out separately because she is a mutual friend, but when I seem them together and they are being affectionate in front of me I get really mad in my mind and it might show I don't really know, but than I strongly dislike her and do not like he visits when she comes for the weekend of more.

However even though I do get these feelings of dislike I don't act on them and try to do anything to harm there relationship. Like I just keep these feelings to myself and bottle them up and I am getting really worried about this because I am bottling this all up and don't know when I am going to have to explode!!

[sgnEvan]

But if he decided to marry her and be with her for ever I think that I would not do anything, but than at the same time I could see myself telling him that I love him and don't think that he should be doing this

[Clough]

Okay. So, you are okay with them being together. Correct? You just have a problem with them being affectionate in front of you. Correct? Maybe you should let him or her know that you have a problem with the because you are feeling lonely because you don't have someone significant in your life right now. Is it possible to tell one of them about that?