[EveningOfFate]

I'm a 19 year old female and I'm having trouble with finding pleasure with my body. I live with my boyfriend and I love him to pieces! He has fingered me, ate me out, and I'm slowly getting out of the phase of where sex hurts... as he is my first. However with all that stuff being done to me I don't feel any of this 'amazing' feeling that so many females describe to me. Its making me frustrated and I want it to feel amazing!! Just to help with whoever answers this I have never played with myself ever before and I'm not embarrassed to say that I barely started to discover my sexual interests just last year and I'm now at this point where I'm with the man I love and desire to be with yet no matter what he does to me it doesn't feel amazing. I don't know what's wrong with my body. Am I just ignorant with what feels good or am I just broken down there? I need answers ASAP! Please!! I beg of whoever is out there!!

[bryan25227]

Don't get down on yourself, you're not broken.

You said you've never pleasured yourself, and what he does doesn't seem to work, he's your first everything, well in these cases then there could be a couple different reasons for your lack of pleasure. Firstly you may not be in the mental mind set, you may be trying to hard to have an orgasm and blocking it out or not emotionally ready for your partner or available (being able to trust a man and wanting to are two different things).
Orgasms are part mental remember that.

Another thing is that you haven't pleasured yourself before, and I don't know if its against any belief system you hold but I suggest you start. Once you know what you like on yourself, you can teach your partner how to perform it. Also you're just starting to have sex, it takes awhile to get everything in order, especially in this case where he is your first.

I don't want to pry to far into your sex life but, how old is your boyfriend and are you his first partner as well?

I suppose that's all I have to put out there initially, if you have any other questions let me know, and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability. Of course I seem to be having my own problems in the sex department, but I'm sure I can work around that and attempt to give you better answers.

[Choux]

It seems to me you lack a connection... passion-body.

In addition, men don't give women orgasms, women give themselves orgasms. Women are responsible for their sexual success or failure. Being sexually successful and responsive is in large part getting rid of negative religious constraints and other propaganda from society that is hampering your natural powerful female responsiveness. Females have far more vast and sophisticated and powerful potential sexual response compared to men.

Somehow, you have to find out how you can lose your inhibitions and increase your sensitivity to sexual stimuli.

Why not go to a sex therapist? That person can give you lots of good information and exercises the two of you can do together... for a relatively small amount of money compared to all the pleasure you will get for the rest of your life.


Good Luck!

[BabyChaos]

Well it is perfectly normal to hear this from a first timer.
You need to relax. Don't be worried of somebody calling you , break contact with the outside world whilst your alone with you boyfriend, turn your phone off, house empty, door locked lie comfy on the bed close your eyes and you can get you boyfriend t finger you or buy a vibrator and explore your body and put the vibrator on your , then you will soon feel like you need to go to do a wee but it is not that it is female ejaculation, yes females do ejaculate it is clear and odorless, the more you need to the more you feel like you need the loo, as soon as you can't hold it any longer you should release it and it should let out a orgasm which is extra enjoyable, try it and find out yourself!!

[mseik]

Great responses. Just wanted to add that boys discover how to give themselves orgasms first, and it shouldn't be any different for girls, but all too often is. If you don't know what is most pleasurable, your boyfriend won't either. That's what self-exploration is for.

Since as many as 30% of women report not experiencing orgasm with or without their partner, you are certainly not alone.

You mentioned you're slowly coming out of the pain stage with intercourse. One thing you might want to do is go see a gynecologist to make sure you're not having any structural issues that might benefit from trying a different position, lube, or whatever your doc might recommend. Sometimes certain positions, depending on the shape of your partner's penis, can cause discomfort as well. Adjusting that can make all the difference in the world. Also, if you're not lubricated enough, that can cause pain. Sometimes the hood of the clitoris is very thick and can diminish sensation that, if more intense, might be more likely to bring you to orgasm. These are all possibilities a gynecologist would be able to explore with you.

I agree with other posts about seeking a therapist. You might also want to take a look at this book for insight.

I wish you the best.

[Bug13]

I swear by my "bullet" vibrator! I have a friend who had never been able to have an orgasm before & when I held a "toy party" she got a bullet and said it was the best thing she had ever done for herself! It isn't the kind of vibrator that you insert in your vagina, it gives you direct stimulation to your clitoris.
If you are too shy to go to a place that sells toys for adults I recommend looking for a passion party consultant online... they have great products and are very discreet- if you have friends how are not shy about their sexuality- try hosting a passion party (there are other compainies out there, but I personally have had the best luck with passion parties)
It's a great way to find out what others like (by talking about it... not doing it- it's not that kind of party)some people have friends that they can be open and can talk about sex with- others don't.
I have always sworn that one of the best ways to find out what turns you on is to explore your own sexuality- maybe you need to try playing with your vibrator when your man is out for the evening. It took me along time to feel comfortable trying toys in the bedroom with my boyfriend, but when I did he was willing to try new things if they gave me plesure. If your man truly cares about bringing you plesure he will respect your need to explore your own body and he will do whatever it takes to help you discover what drives you wild!
Good luck- it will take time, enjoy every min of it! ;)