[swedish girl]

10 months ago I started dating a great guy I've known for 3 years. At first I wasn't attracted to him. Now, I am more attracted to him then anyone else. 5 months into our relationship, he took me to London and Paris. We started planning a future together and I thought he was the man of my dreams. We are both busy professional with a lot stresses in our lives. A few months ago, he started to pull away from me and I made the mistake of holding on tighter and worked my schedule around his. He said he loves me but isn't sure if he's still IN Love and that we needed to take a break because he isn't sure what he wants. He says there is no one else and he would tell me if there was. He e-mails me everyday and calls me every 2 days (this has been going on for almost a month). We are not sleeping together (which is not my choice)!

1. Why is he calling me and acting like we are great old friends? He doesn't say I love you or want to get back together.

2. How do I know there isn't someone else he is interested in?

It's obvious he cares about me but doesn't want to be committed. I am an attractive woman and don't plan on waiting much longer!

[N0help4u]

Tell him as long as he wants to be 'friends only' do not contact you because it is tearing your heart apart too much. If he doesn't want to lose you deep down he will have to make a decision. If he does quit contacting you it will be hard but usually the dragged out thing he is putting you through is really harder in the long run. And if he quits contacting you you can at least try and get on with your life rather than feeling like a yo-yo with your emotions.

[kp2171]

Good job on not taking the "ill do anything for love" track...

Your situation sucks, but your attitude is dead on positive. You are interested in knowing the truth, one way or the other, and you are willing to wait a bit, but not too long, before deciding you have better things to do with your precious time.

I can tell you right now none of us can tell you the perfect answer... only he knows where his head it (up his arse?)... all our noise here is speculation, but its sometimes nice to talk to out with other people so...

When exs or people who are on a break act like he is sometimes its just them wanting the comfort of knowing you are still there. A security blanket and a cup o warm cocoa. It's that just special? He might be really on the way out but you get to ease him out the door while you fret and wait and wonder.

And then again, maybe he's absolutely telling the truth. While I think most of the time a break means its over, my wife and I kind of had a mini break at one point while I figured out what to do. It was complicated for a few reasons (a child involved, my planning on moving out of state for school before I dated her) but still... I withdrew a bit, thought it out, and in the end I came to my senses before she lost patience. We call it the "not-dating dating" portion of our relationship.

So... I've done you no good. It could be bad news. It could be a healthy step back before a big step forward. How do you know? Well there's always torture. Kidding.

At some point you'll need to step away and see how hard he chases. And I'm not talking about the emailing like mad. He isn't your girlfriend. You don't need to chat with him ad nauseum. So maybe back off a bit.

Too many people are afraid to do this for what they might lose. I say if you lose it, it was already gone... you just sped the process up before you wasted more time on a person who is trying to figure themselves out.

And remember, he needs to do work to get back with you. He needs to prove its right. If he isn't willing to pursue you hard (you DO want to be pursued, chased, and wanted, right?) and with conviction, well... time to move on.

Keep up your positive attitude. You are light years ahead of a lot of people mentally where relationships are concerned.