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Stac33 · Oct 29, 2007, 08:16 AM

I am only 9 weeks along and I had been complaining about the way things were going before we had found out. Complaining that he doesn't touch me the way he used to. I'm into sexual grabbing. Like he used to grab at and play with my crotch and now not so much. BUT the week before we found out he was being the way he used to be. I am sick ALL THE TIME with this pregnancy and with the other two I was just sick a little. I don't really want sex right now because I feel so horrible, but what about him? Shouldn't HE still want it? Doesn't he have urges? He barely tried this weekend and he used to get upset when I would say no. When I was pregnant with the other two sex was not an issue. We did it quite a bi, but now he doesn't seem interested at all. Do you think he is ACTUALLY being sensitive to my feeling like sh*t? Well I don't like it one bit. I like my man to be horny for me all the time.:confused:

statictable · Oct 29, 2007, 01:11 PM

Sounds like he needs a good scolding. Have you thought about an intervention? Family, friends, co-workers, a priest, neighbors and when your husband gets home he'll have little choice but to face the music. On the other hand I bet he loves you more than you will ever know. I'll bet you he is thinking of many things right now with your 3rd pregnancy and from time to time a man might not show his wife what she expects from him and that's where you as a woman show your strenghts, your coping skills, your patience, your love for your family and your man and in the future you will be rewarded so much by his desire for you but now is the time to show how strong a woman is. You will do very well.

Xrayman · Oct 29, 2007, 03:19 PM

Oh dear.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 29, 2007, 03:37 PM

Have you told him how you feel? If you were one way with the other pregnancies he may not realize things are different now.

asking · Oct 29, 2007, 05:43 PM

I'm unclear what you are asking. Are you worried that he is being unfaithful to you? That would definitely be upsetting. But I think not being very interested one weekend isn't enough to condemn him. Are there any other signs?

Anyway, if you don't want sex and he doesn't, just wanting him to want you even though you aren't interested doesn't seem quite fair. Men aren't machines; they have moods and worries. Anyway, if he knows you aren't interested maybe he is being considerate! Why don't you ask him about it? Maybe he has some worries about a third child, or his job he hasn't talked to you about? Something like that? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt unless there's more you haven't said here.

Asking

Stac33 · Oct 30, 2007, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by asking

I'm unclear what you are asking. Are you worried that he is being unfaithful to you? That would definitely be upsetting. But I think not being very interested one weekend isn't enough to condemn him. Are there any other signs?

Anyway, if you don't want sex and he doesn't, just wanting him to want you even though you aren't interested doesn't seem quite fair. Men aren't machines; they have moods and worries. Anyway, if he knows you aren't interested maybe he is being considerate!! Why don't you ask him about it? Maybe he has some worries about a third child, or his job he hasn't talked to you about? Something like that? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt unless there's more you haven't said here.

Asking

I am just feeling insecure I guess. There is no question of him being unfaithful here. You know when you like the way someone is being towards you and then they stop? It's a little disheartening. I have told him how I feel and he says he wants to, but I guess work, me puking, etc. is getting in the way.

asking · Oct 30, 2007, 12:36 PM

Hi Stac--
Ah. I think I see what you are saying. I can totally see why you would miss having him be so attracted to you! It sounds really nice, and not something you want to give up. Insecurity is a tough one and pregnancy can make people feel more insecure. Nice as it is, it can also be exhausting, especially when you've got other little kids too. I get insecure whenever I am feeling generally down.

Maybe you can ask yourself if there are things you'd like to do that would cheer you up, things you want either from him or from other people or just things you could do for yourself, things you want that you aren't getting.

Also, maybe make a list of things that are getting you down or making you feel tired. For example, if the puking is really bad, put some time into making that more tolerable. Check with the doctor, ask for advice elsewhere on this site. And maybe if you aren't getting a few breaks every day, you can schedule some, work with your other kids to give you some mommy breaks. They might like to be in charge of taking care of you a little bit if you tell them you need them! It's good for kids to feel that they can help the whole family. (Oh, also consider letting some things go for now. Talk to your husband about getting help for the next few months or just not cleaning the bathroom as often, things like that can really take the pressure off.) If you feel well enough, a daily walk with a friend or an exercise class can really help too.

Then maybe if you put it all together and just make some little changes where you have some rest and some time to do something that's important to you every week, something that takes your mind off all the ways you are giving out to other people, maybe a little quality time with him each weekend to talk about how you are both feeling (ask him, too!) and playtimes, and a few fun things, maybe you can both cheer up and be stronger for each other.

I know when I am feeling needy and my partner is too, it can really hard for both of us to get our needs met. That might be happening with you guys, and the disappearance of his sexual grabbiness could just be the most obvious symptom. I hope it's something like this. Hope this helps and I'm not WAY off base. I think it's really sweet that you two have a nice relationship where he really wants you most of the time and you can ask him about this and he will answer. I would just keep the lines of communication open and look for ways to improve things in little ways. This isn't forever. I hope you feel better soon!
Asking

Stac33 · Oct 30, 2007, 01:11 PM

So far you guys have been most helpful. Keep on posting though. It really helps.

Stac33 · Nov 1, 2007, 07:09 AM

Now 2 mornings ago I walked in on him starting to whack off. He was so embarrassed, but I was pissed. I know that that can and should be separate from your sex life and it's not as though I don't do it, but when a woman does it she can still "be there" for her man. I just have an issue with my husband pleasing himself. I feel that's what I'm here for.