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lonely23 · Oct 28, 2007, 08:31 PM

I need to know

AKaeTrue · Oct 28, 2007, 08:40 PM

It depends on the situation...
Some really mean it because the genuinely like you as a person, but not as a boyfriend...
Others will say it as an easy let down...

needofhelp · Oct 28, 2007, 09:05 PM

Woman and men are wired a bit different. Woman can fall out of love as fast as they fall in love, so when their feelings are gone, they can be friends. Guys on the other hand, take time to develop intense feelings and its harder for us to jump from being a couple to just being friends.

As akaetrue said, it's also an easy let down, not to look like a b^tch. This can also hold true for guys.

Keatts16 · Oct 28, 2007, 10:30 PM

Ex girlfriends want to stay friends for several reasons. 1) They are trying to let you down easily. 2) They really value your friendship. 3) You are a big part of their lefe and if your not in it there is an gaping hole where you used to be. I know because my boyfriend and I broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago and the last 2 are 100 % true fore me.

needofhelp · Oct 28, 2007, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by Keatts16

Ex girlfriends want to stay friends for several reasons. 1) They are trying to let you down easily. 2) They really value your friendship. 3) You are a big part of their lefe and if your not in it there is an gaping hole where you used to be. I know because my boyfriend and I broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago and the last 2 are 100 % true fore me.

If the last two are true, then why break up with that person? Is it because it's not the knight in shining armor myth that people love?

It's somewhat unfair to want to be friends, when the other person is in a whole world of pain. I'm not saying it can't happen, but sometimes its too soon, and after some time of healing, maybe friendship might be a possibility.

Clough · Oct 28, 2007, 11:04 PM

Originally Posted by lonely23

I need to know

I really like things that I am seeing in the above answers! And, I would like to add just one more thing. I would like to know why you are asking the question, if you don't mind my asking, please?

needofhelp · Oct 28, 2007, 11:45 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

I really like things that I am seeing in the above answers! And, I would like to add just one more thing. I would like to know why you are asking the question, if you don't mind my asking, please?

I hope you don't believe that being friends is a sign of getting back together. I'm not saying it can't happen, but don't do it because you think it will lead to that.

Clough · Oct 28, 2007, 11:52 PM

I was referring to the original poster's question and I wasn't saying that I agreed with everything in the answers that there have been so far. Just that I really like things that I was reading. People were trying to be helpful. That was the main, good thing. I wasn't taking a stand in the form of an opinion on any certain answer.

I think that lonely23 might have some other issues that perhaps could be shared as to why the question was asked in the first place.

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 02:21 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

I really like things that I am seeing in the above answers! And, I would like to add just one more thing. I would like to know why you are asking the question, if you don't mind my asking, please?

Again, I would like to ask the question above.

Sad Soul · Oct 29, 2007, 05:34 AM

I think being friends is a way to hold on. Although, this could cause confusion for the ex who is still in love.

lonely23 · Oct 29, 2007, 05:37 AM

My ex doesn't know what she wants, when we were together she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings but that didn't work out. She broke up with me for another guy she likes and she told me she really wants to be friends.the last time she said that we ended up back together. If she really doesn't want to hurt me why would she want us to be friends.

Baby-_-Girl-_-19 · Oct 29, 2007, 12:09 PM

It depends. If you guys were good friends before you started dating then its probably because she doesn't want to let a bad relationship ruin a good friendship. Or if you guys have mutual friends. Sometimes its one of those 'youre a nice guy and I really like you I just don't want to be with you' type of things so that they don't feel as mean. Or it could be that you guys are better off as friends... idk... I don't usually say... only a couple occasions...

RustyFairmount · Oct 29, 2007, 06:13 PM

Nobody likes to admit when they fail in relationships. It's been my experience that women want to "stay friends" so that they can keep the benefits (shared friends, muscle, etc.) and avoid the shame of having screwed up.

I've never had a girlfriend "break up" with me, and believe me, in some relationships I deserved to get flat-out dumped. They said things like "let's take a break" or "I have some things to deal with" or in some cases I've just gotten the cold shoulder. Sometimes I think that maybe they think they're better than me, and they're doing me a favor by being so kind. But the hard truth is that when it comes to ending relationships, women are cowards.

I don't know why this is. But look at the number of battered and abused women that stay with their man. Why don't the break up? Wouldn't their lives be better without him? Chicken may not be the right word, but it's the only one that comes to mind.

rempires · Oct 29, 2007, 07:30 PM

I think girls want to stay friends because it fills an emotional gap that would be missing if you were to completely leave there life, but she does not feel that the relationship is right. Of course being a guy this sucks for you, because you probably like her and being friends with her makes you still want her but at the same time you must force yourself to deny her... of course there coulb be other reasons to.

N0help4u · Oct 29, 2007, 09:07 PM

Some guys just have a special charisma about them that keeps girls wanting to be around them. Often as long as you have a good non argumentive relationship she can be your best loyal friend because she will be there and a true friend.

Smiley5 · Oct 29, 2007, 09:29 PM

I am female and have said I wanted to remain friends with an ex before as a way of saying there are no hard feelings on my part and that there is no reason to feel uncomfortable next time they saw me. I have found that after some time has lapsed (weeks in some cases, years in others) it is easy to have a platonic relationship that is on friendly terms with an ex. I have one ex (we were together off and on for about three years) that has remained a friend of mine for close to twenty years now and we genuinely care about one another as friends although a few years passed before we were able to be close and completely honest with each other again (e.g. discussing our romantic lives). I hope things work out for you!

MissingHim2Much · Oct 30, 2007, 12:04 AM

Well men say it too, my ex told me he wanted to be friends again someday.. but in my opinion I think it's a crappy thing to say. It's like hey I'm in love with you, you idiot, I don't want to be your friend.

Jiser · Oct 31, 2007, 09:33 AM

Didn't work so no thanks. I have enough friends, you ARE PATHETIC, never speak to me again (phone down, block block! ) - Looking back I should have said that.

Dumping a guy, telling him, "its not you its me," "your sweet," "lets be friends." Is like a kick in the nuts and a slap in the face. I mean commmoooonnn!

The best thing to do in a break up is to be honest and eye to eye! "I don't want to be with you because, ***** ****, bla bla, It is better than we don't speak anymore so we can both move on with our lives, maybe one day we can be both friends when we have both moved on, weve had some good memories, goodbye and I wish you well."

Never ever be mates with an ex if you are not over them. In most cases there is allways going to be some residual feelings and emotions flying about. Some people make it work, some don't. I have seen both sides. Personally though I don't think I could be mates with my ex for many years to come.

Lilmsperfect · Oct 31, 2007, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by lonely23

I need to know

Ex girlfriends want to stay friends with you usually because they still love you or at least love your company. But why don't you want to be friends with your ex is more to the point? If your realationship was strong and you got on well which you obviously did to have a relationship in the first place then there will always be something there on both sides. When women break up with a partner the thing that we all love to do is flaunt! No woman can deni it it's a known fact! Especially if we see our ex with another woman. But the fact is, is that if you really had feelings for your ex partner then what's the probleme with staying friends?

little firefly · Oct 31, 2007, 04:02 PM

Well men say it too, my ex told me he wanted to be friends again someday.. but in my opinion I think it's a crappy thing to say. It's like hey I'm in love with you, you idiot, I don't want to be your friend.

I feel exactly the same way. When my ex broke up with me he told me that he had fallen in love with his best female friend. He then went on to say that he wanted for he and I to remain friends. I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. I was still very much in love with him and thought we were going to have a future together. How could I remain friends with him knowing that someone else had his heart, when he still had mine.