Originally Posted by
dudeneedsadvice
What is the longest amount of time it took for someone to come back to you after THEY broke up with you? My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago.
I want to impart some knowledge onto you my friend, but first, I have to tell you my story. The short of it is that I got over a terrible break-up, and I want to tell you how it happened. Now I know you want her back, but what I'm going to tell you is not how to get her back but how to feel great again. Right now you think getting her back is the only way - but I'm telling you not having her back will be the best thing that ever could happen. I know it seems unimaginable, but it is the best path, and it is the only way to be happy again, AND IRONICALLY, IT IS THE ONLY WAY SHE WILL EVER COME BACK. But the Irony is that you won't want her back when it is a real possibility. So listen up...
It started when I moved to a new city. I enrolled in a demanding educational program (one of the most demanding kind). I was feeling great about life. I was in control. I knew where I was headed. I was the kind of guy who walked into a room and filled it with energy. Guys, girls, they knew I had my flow. I was so damn genuinely happy I could have attracted most of anything for a conversation at least. Everything was perfect.
I met her. She was so beautiful. She was so cool. I was immediately mesmerized. I fell in love in seconds. It was a flash. She was everything I could have imagined that I wanted. I gave her everything, but I still had my cool at the same time. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted - I didn't need her. I just enjoyed her time. I was an individual, and she was free to spend time with me or not - either way, I was fine. It was so perfect.
She eventually caved in - and I was expecting that she would. But... there was one problem. She had an ex-boyfriend that was not totally out of the picture, but I didn't have all the facts, but I didn't care. After all, I thought she would want me regardless because I was so at peace with life. Well, she did want me. She came after me. And I was so damn happy. Everything was perfect. I gave her my heart, I let her in to who I was. We dated for close to a year and she never quite let me all the way inside, but I did not know such was the case. The bottom line was that I loved her with everything I had, and I was honest.
Here's where it got rocky... I'll skip the details... she lied to me about many things (namely her position with the ex), but I searched and searched for what I was doing wrong. After all, a guy as confident as me doesn't have many problems with women eh? I felt like I was not good enough - I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I became so damn depressed. I needed her. I knew how crazy it was, but I just couldn't help myself. I was suffering every night -we eventually broke up. The pain was unimaginable. I had no idea how bad it could hurt. I'm a tough guy, but I really had no idea. It struck me at the core of my soul, and it effected everything in my life. Nothing was good anymore. We're talking deep depression. I couldn't imagine that it would ever get better.
So - you're asking... how did I get over it?
I went away for the summer. And a lot of time passed. I just got perspective. It takes a lot of time, and a lot of thinking about how you want to be treated. And a lot of that takes seeing what it is like when people who care about you treat you a certain way. What begins to happen is you develop a sense of self worth again apart from her. You got to dig deep, really ing deep man. You have to find yourself. And the only way to do this is to get rid of her totally. Don't talk. Don't think about her - the way to do this is take on a different venture, something that is new, and that involves other people to remind you how special you are as an individual. So, the elixir:
1. Don't talk to her
2. Occupy yourself with something that is a challenge away from her no matter how damn hard it is
3. Talk to other people. It will feel senseless at first because all you will do is think about how much better talking to her is - but don't stop. Keep going!!
4. Hang with people who make you feel good - it takes some time.
5. Do not call her! Do not give in. Turn your damn phone off. You're still a slave at this point!
6. When she calls to check on you - Just re-read 1 - 5. You're worth something man! You are a good person, and you are fascinating. She is just feeding off you at this point. Pull yourself away no matter how damn hard it is - because it will be the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life I know.
7. Do this over and over again until you forget about her. One day you will wake up and you won't be hurt anymore - just trust me, it's natural. She won't have that power to hurt you anymore.
8. If you hit this point, then you will know what to do.
Here is the downside to not doing this...
1. You will give in and talk to her hoping she wants you back.
2. She'll see right through it and use you for a little bit and then throw you back into the same pain.
3. You'll feel like a chump, and you'll be back at square one. Man, nobody deserves to be treated this way... nobody. Don't let her do it. Once you snap out of it, you'll be your own worst critic.
At the end,
You'll make a lot of mistakes because you love her. You're a human, and you loved well man. You'll make these mistakes many times, it is inevitable. So you are probably asking why I give the advice if I know you will make the mistakes anyway? Well, I'm just here to tell you that the pain eventually goes away and when the clouds clear up, you'll have the best feeling in your life circulating through your veins and you will see the world in a beautiful way. I Know that idea scares you now, but you just have to believe me that it will all be OK. You're amazing. You're worth it. It will all make sense eventually, and in the words of Bob, "every little thing, is gonna be alright."
Good god I feel so powerful now. I am no longer on the string - and you'll be there with me sometime. Just remember to tell your friends that go through this one day that they are worth something, they are great, because in the end, that is really what we want to hear. Believe me. We just need to feel like we are all worth something - that's what this problem is all about. It really has little to do with her.
I wish you the best. You'll be fine.
At the end, she'll want you because you see the world again, but you'll know that it isn't worth it because she wasn't there when things got tough. You're good friends will be there for you when things are tough, and that is what Mrs. Perfect will do for you.