[LouLou4643]

I just found out my fiancé who is 64 years old is secretly taking Viagra. I am 47 years old and have a very healthy sexual appetite. He knew this before we got engaged. We did not always have sexual intercourse but he would always satisfy me orally or through mutual masturbation. Lately I've noticed that his erections are stronger and I found out why. He has been secretly taking generic Viagra. He is a wonderful lover but I can't help but feel betrayed that he did not share this with me. He says he wants true intimacy, well I think this is a betrayal of that. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I confront him with this or just stay quiet about it?

[NeedKarma]

As long as your very healthy sexual appetite is sated then keep it to yourself. Be glad that his erections are so much stronger.

[kp2171]

A betrayal of intimacy... I suppose I understand you could see it on that level.

A man could take medicine for high blood pressure, which can also affect erections... or depression, which can also slam the libido as well... are those men "wrong" if they don't tell their partner that their condition has been affecting their sexual health?

I don't know. I do get where you are coming from... but you are obviously with a partner who gives a damn about your sexual pleasure...

Your own words:
He is a "wonderful lover" who "satifies" you by "going down or masturbation"...

I guess if I'm not completely on your side on this one, its cause there are HUNDREDS of threads here about women who are with men who don't act, don't care, don't love intimately. Women who write here everyday wishing they had a partner who was giving. Who was interested. I'm telling you... if he isn't good enough for you as is, there are a LOT of women writing in here who would gladly be with such a man.

So... would it be good of him to share this? Sure. I think any sexual secrets can potentially hurt the relationship... it doesn't seem to be hurting him, but now you know and you have the "burden" of knowing... not completely fair to you, I guess...

If a woman is sexually assaulted when younger, but she is able to cope with the aftermath and is able to manage to have a relatively healthy sex life, is she wrong for not talking to her partner? Just another twist... I know its not the same. Most of us are not completely truthful about all aspects of our intimacy. One partner was the "tightest"... another was a boring lay... another was great orally... should I tell every partner I'm mentally comparing and contrasting as I'm thinking about what works and what doesn't? no. should I tell my partner that the "money" position we use is one I discovered with the hated ex? Uh, hell no!

So my two cents is to try not to let this be a big thing. Are you shocked a 64 year old man might be gaining from use of an ED drug? Would you be "more betrayed" if it were a 55, 45, or 35 year old man?. cause it could just as well be.

If you just can't let this go then there are other issues and this is just the excuse to move.

But in the end you have to sleep in your own bed. If it bugs you that much, its not wrong for you to do what you feel. Your life, your choice.

[excon]

Hello LouLou:

Viagra, besides making your member harder than a piece of wood, makes you orgasm MUCH harder and better too. Maybe his taking it has NOTHING to do with you, and only to do with his own satisfaction.

Intimacy doesn't mean you tell the person everything!!

excon

[LouLou4643]

I just found out my fiance who is 64 years old is secretly taking Viagra. I am 47 years old and have a very healthy sexual appetite. He knew this before we got engaged. We did not always have sexual intercourse but he would always satisfy me orally or through mutual masturbation. Lately I've noticed that his erections are stronger and I found out why. He has been secretly taking generic Viagra. He is a wonderful lover but I can't help but feel betrayed that he did not share this with me. He says he wants true intimacy, well I think this is a betrayal of that. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I confront him with this or just stay quiet about it?

Thanks so much for all your insight. I AM thanking my lucky stars that I do have someone who does give a damn about my sexual well being. Thanks for letting me vent and giving me a male perspective kp2171.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you should be happy he is doing it, and not telling you to go to sleep and not bother him

[kp2171]

And don't forget the compliment he's paying you, though its not all his being a martyr... ;)

I know a few women who later in life went the complete opposite direction. They were glad the men they were dating were less interested in sex. Ed drugs were seen as an unwanted burden that just extended their sexual "obligations"...

That he wants to please you and wants to please himself is healthy and good.

I was dear friends with a man who, at the age of 60, was a bit of a broken man in spirit. He was handsome, charming, and he had a way with people, especially women. He had a good heart. And a little naughty streak.

The day that his sexual life was dimished by reduced performace was a day that crushed his spirit to some degree.

I'm not saying that you are wrong feeling uncertain a bit... his medication can affect his health. But don't think for one minute that his intimacy is less "true" because he used an ED drug.

Its like glasses for the eyes. Using them to see your beauty better isn't a betrayal... it's a compliment.

So... don't feel like a heel for asking the question. Its legit.

But also don't make more of it than it is... he desires to please you and his sexual life is important to him. These are very healthy approaches to a relationship... even if he doesn't wish to discuss it.

Let it go if you can and just enjoy your sexual life. We make things so complicated sometimes. We just need to get out of our own way.

[LouLou4643]

I just found out my fiance who is 64 years old is secretly taking Viagra. I am 47 years old and have a very healthy sexual appetite. He knew this before we got engaged. We did not always have sexual intercourse but he would always satisfy me orally or through mutual masturbation. Lately I've noticed that his erections are stronger and I found out why. He has been secretly taking generic Viagra. He is a wonderful lover but I can't help but feel betrayed that he did not share this with me. He says he wants true intimacy, well I think this is a betrayal of that. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I confront him with this or just stay quiet about it?

Wow. You make some really good points kp2171. You are so right on about making things more complicated than what they are. Also when you wrote "but dont think for one minute that his intimacy is less "true" because he used an ED drug" that just hit home with me, so I have decided not to say anything. I will just be quiet and reap the benefits. Thanks again!

[Dale B]

I took Viagra early in my relationship to my now wife. I told her much later and she was a bit miffed that I thought I needed too. I explained that I was very nervous and was never that confident with the penetration part of the sexual act, especially as I was not into comfortably talking about my issues. All caring lovers are worried about their partners happiness. Sometimes it gives a big boost to the confidence to have Viagra helping you along. I would take it again in the future without telling her if I thought I was not giving her the pleasure she deserves. This is despite the great and sensual sexual relationship we currently have. It is no t a deceit but another form of caring.
Good luck you sound very happy together.
Dale

[Choux]

You want to "confront him"?? WHAT FOR? You like conflict? Haven't you got an ounce of human kindness in you? As you can see, I'm having trouble with your selfishness. :(

[kp2171]

The OP'er hasn't been here in over 3 months folks. You're likely talking to the air...