[brandileigh]

My husband and I have been married 6months. We have lived together for 2 years before our marriage. Needless to say we've been together a little while. When I met my husband I was 18 and 110 pounds and my husband told me every day how lucky he was to have a girl as beautiful as me. He would constantly show me off to his friends. And I admit I kind liked how he always was all over me. Now that you have some background. In the last six months I've gained kind weight from being in a car accident and not being able to walk for a few months. I weigh about 130 now and have be trying to get back to the old me. I don't know how it happed, but it did. I'm kind chubby for my height. How does this affect my marriage? In more ways then I thought possible. I've lost my attention from him, and I was told today that he's just not attracted to me like he was before. He's gone all the time now. No more little gifts or weekend trips. If he is so in love with me shouldn't he want to have sex with me even with the weight. Why does he make me feel so so bad about myself. I'm reminded all the time by him that I'm on a diet. Our sex life is gone, and Im not sure even if I lose the wight if it will come back. Im constantly crying and depressed about this. This is not who I am. I'm a happy person. I know that he's just trying to help me lose weight to save our marriage and sex life. But I'm starting to feel like the only reason he's with me is to have a perfect wife.

I'm now 21 and still am not that bad looking. I mean not enough for this sort of complete turn off sex. Is this normal. Do men always want their wife's to be perfect. How do I make him want me again?I am tired of the arguments about my weight or how many calroies I ate that day. Or him not talking or being interested in me at all anymore. I never thought that 20 pounds could make my marriage and life so hard.

If anybody can take what I say and help me with their opinion it would be appreciated.

[princessdiva]

You asked for help and here it is. I completely disagree with your husband because a man should love a woman at all times no matter how fat she is. It's the inside that counts! I'm 21 as well and going to get married soon and I consider myself chubby but my boyfriend accepted me as I am because that's what marriage is, accepting one another.

What you can do is talk to him, show him your emotions and that you're not happy with the way he's treating you so he'll realize that it's not your fault that you gained weight. So if you're pregnant someday, what does he do? Make things clear with him. A true husband is someone who is ready to accept you with all the good and bad.

Don't feel depressed because you don't have sex, the problem is him not you. He should thank God that you're still alive after the accident not arguing about you gaining weight. From your side, try to start walking again bit by bit for your own health not for him and see if this problems persists. If so, you should face him and get to know the truth.

Good Luck! ;)


Life is hard but never impossible!

[Fr_Chuck]

You would be better off without a jerk like him, if a little weight will make him stop sex and not love you.

What if you had a wreck and were disfigured, lost a leg and so on,
Marrriage is for better or worst, and is suppose to be forever.

[bushg]

Fr I hit the wrong button. That he couldn't keep hidden forever. He is just using her weight as a target.

[danielnoahsmommy]

If your hubby will leave over the weight let hi, leave. It is his prob. Not yours. He obviously was looking for an excuse.

[Kingofkings]

Love is not about what you look like. He should not be telling you how you have to look and what you can eat. If he is shallow enough to not want to be with you because you have gained weight then he never loved you. I question why you would put yourself through this if he makes you feel this way. You're 21 and young, and at even at 130 probably still very attractive (can't make a full call without seeing you, but I don't need to). Tell him he has 2 choices, love you for who you are and treat you with the love and respect you deserve or you need to leave him for yourself. If you stay with him, he has the power and he will keep doing this and it will get worse.

[Lotz_of_Questions]

I'm sorry Girl but this man is being a jerk. If he truly loves you he will accept you how you are.
I've been married for almost three years now. My weight was 115lbs, now I'm at around 145lbs. I gained almost 30lbs, I'm happy because my husband accepts me how I look, Why cause he cares about ME not my body. Our sex life didn't change, he didn't change with me. The reason I want to lose weight is because of ME not because my Hubby wants me to. He will accept me how I look no matter what.
And I think your husband should do the same. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If he doesn't change his attitude, then you don't deserve a jerk that like.
Take Care and Good Luck! :)

[kp2171]

I'm I middle of the road person when it comes to these questions, mostly on your side. Bear with me to the end before you think I'm on the "wrong" side...

I don't like the "love is blind" ultimatums because, well, its an ultimatum.

Sexual compatibility is something that can be important to a healthy marriage. And this concerns both sides.

Would I be as attracted to my partner if she gained a lot of weight? Probably not. Note I said "as" attracted. Doesn't mean itd shut off. Would I love her? Yes. But the raw attraction isn't always attached to the "love" factor. Would I stop being intimate and sexaully giving? no... I'm just stating that sexual interest in men isn't just from a "love" feeling...

Any given day I might see a woman who sexually excites me, and I don't love them. I don't sleep with them either, but the point is one that most should agree on... men are largely visually stimulated. If this were not the case, do you think women would spend the time they spend on makeup? Hair? Clothing? Lingerie? Etc? We like to look. Its true. So... on one side we ALL play into this issue of men being visually turned on... its not completely fair to expect it to switch off once you are married... you are just supposed to be listening to your mind more than your pants... hopefully the two aren't in disagreement...

The best relationships, and certainly I would hope one that was loving, let alone a marriage, are able to tie this primal desire to intimate feelings. Is he treating you well? no. is it a realistic issue he should be dealing with? Maybe. 20lbs isn't a lot, even if your frame is small.. so I'm guessing this is more about the pressures of being married.

My partner and I have both gained and lost weight in our almost 10 year relationship. Sometimes sex trailed off a little at times, sometimes it was more often. Was my wife more sexually active toward me last summer after I worked outside all summer, was more tanned, and more defined? Yep. Am I looking at her more now that she's in the best shape of our relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Its not fair to say we are wrong because we are turned on more now since we are more fit, is it?

BUT... the key is we always treated other with respect and we've been good about communication.

I'm wondering if he's hitting the "rut" common in most long term relationships, where the familiarity goes from being comforting to being "boring"... its something I think most need to struggle through to some degree... you kind of come full circle if you can work through it, but you deserve better than the mental mind games that he's playing... and you know you are also playing on yourself...

Wanting a partner to be healthy and fit isn't wrong. My wife is big on this... she's the most loyal, faithful person I know, but she also wants me to be around (not die of a stroke or heart attack tied to poor health), and I think she's still sexually stimulated by a man who is in shape. It goes both ways.

So my answer? You should, for yourself, make sure you are taking good care of yourself physically. The hits your metabolism takes in the future just makes it harder to be healthy. Its not hard for 10 to become 20 to 30, etc... you should be doing this for you more than for him.

On his side, he should grow up. I really think this is less about your weight and more about the struggles a young relationship can go through. But his head is up his arse and you do deserve to be treated better than this.

A good marriage is still work. The honeymoon year was one of the hardest of our relationship. We've both hit "ruts"... we've both been self absorbed at times. You just do your best to try to work through them. Its give and take from both directions that get you to your destination.

[peggyhill]

Girl, 130 is soooo not fat! So you gained 20, big deal! My weight has gone up and down in the last couple years, and I really don't think my boyfriend has even noticed! It sounds like he is a perfectionist, but more than that he may be emotionally abusive. First of all, 20 lbs in no big deal. Second, if you are on a diet, he doesn't need to be reminding you of that. Being stressed about him watching everything you put in your mouth will make it even harder for you to lose weight. It sounds to me that your weight gain was due to your injuries. Recuperating from an accident takes time. Now that your body has begun to heal, you will be able to do more, and the weight will gradually come off. If you want to lose weight look at it this way: You want to lose weight and get exercise to be a healthy woman. It is a lifestyle change to be healthy, not a frantic rush to look "good enough" for him to have sex with. Not because you are trying to look a certain way for him. If he told you he is put off by your weight, he is a shallow jerk. Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and this guy can't handle a small weight gain? How will he handle it when you are pregnant, getting older, etc. I'm not saying you should kick him to the curb just yet, but some marriage counseling is definitely in order. I would seek out some individual counseling for you as well, because this guy has obviously hurt you deeply, and you need to talk to someone about yourself esteem. I'm sure you are a lovely person and deserve better than the hurtful treatment this man has given you. Please don't define yourself by what he thinks of you. He seems to have some major issues. I think counseling is the best hope for your marriage.

[Homegirl 50]

Your husband is being an insensitive pig. I'm sure that when you get your strength back, as young as you are the weight will fall back off. His dogging you out is not going to help, and when you do loose, do so because you wanted to for you, not to hold on to him.
It is also wrong for your husband to withhold sex and be so cruel about it. You best believe he'd be on your case if he wanted it and wasn't getting it.
I know guys are more visual that women, but he is your husband and he needs to act like a man and not some immature boy.
Tell him to get off your case, you are doing your best, and if he doesn't like it, leave.
I have a feeling though this is just an excuse and this is a sign of more heartache to come.

[N0help4u]

He is one superficial guy if he seriously loves you less for gaining weight '
And he is shallow if he is treating you this way to make you want to lose weight.
Ask him how is he going to feel if he divorces you over your weight and then you end up losing it and looking *sexier* than ever?
Sex should never be a punishment/reward thing and some guys have that mentality!

[Raid]

I literally just signed up to post in this thread, your husband is being very unfair, either 1 leave him or talk to him about how you are feeling, this is really eating at you very bad and you need to tell him about it and if he doesn't understand then he's being unreasonable.