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jacksgirl · Oct 17, 2007, 08:56 PM

I have been seeing a married man for about 10 months, we are in constant contact with each other via SMS and phone. He is not happy with her, they are always fighting and telling each other to go, the only reason he says he hasn't left yet is because they have 3 children, he is 3 years younger than myself, we could talk for hours if we could find the time, we are also very intimate with each other, more so with him than with my ex hubby of 7 years, he will lay in bed afterward just staring at me and stroking parts of my body, I see tears welling in his eyes and he doesn't try to hide them, but doesn't tell me exactly why that is happening, maybe he thinks I should no why. Does anyone think that, this man I am in love with has, strong feelings for me aswel or may it be all a put on, just to get sex?

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 17, 2007, 09:08 PM

Of course he does... I'd like to believe he is crying cause he is trying to decide between leaving his wife or being with you. As for the kids, how old are they? I doubt any of them wish to see their parents fighting. So you have think... what would be easier for them? Seeing their parents fight none stop or just see them stay away from each other. My mother and father never got married, but I do know what it's like to have separated parents regardless I never have or will know what they would be like as a couple. I hurt me some growing up going from house to house, the constant custody battles and stuff, but I know that I would have been less happy had I had to see them fight all the time just by watching them fight sometimes. What is this woman even like? Does she treat him and his kids right nearly as well as you? Have you met his kids? You know if you stayed together you would have to if he divorced... could you handle it?

crushedovernover · Oct 17, 2007, 09:17 PM

Disgusting,, IM sorry but seeing threads like this is terrible. How can you have respect for a man who is cheating on his wife and KIDS. You should be ashamed with yourself.

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 17, 2007, 09:22 PM

I don't see how she should be ashamed! He wouldn't be cheating on his wife if he would just leave her! He won't though cause he is thinking of his kids! I think this guy is a very strong man for dealing with a woman he doesn't like for the sake of his kids.

crushedovernover · Oct 17, 2007, 10:02 PM

Im not going to argue. He is less of a man for not addressing his issues with his wife . He owes it to his children. Im old fashion at the right bold age of 25, I have a kid and if I was in his position I would address the situation instead of running from it

jacksgirl · Oct 18, 2007, 01:54 AM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

Disgusting,,, IM sorry but seeing threads like this is terrible. How can you have respect for a man who is cheating on his wife and KIDS. You should be ashamed with your self.

I am sorry but I didn't mention the fact that she has cheated on him on numerous occasions, including with my ex-husband.

curlybenswife · Oct 18, 2007, 02:10 AM

Originally Posted by jacksgirl

I am sorry but i didn't mention the fact that she has cheated on him on numerous occassions, including with my ex-husband.

Two wrongs dont make a right

brookeleigh · Oct 18, 2007, 02:17 AM

That's wrong, I have had my boyfriend have an affair on me and it was the worst pain in the world.. and he wasn't even my husband. You need to have respect for his wife even if you don't know her. He is a married man. And if he truly wanted to be with you wouldn't he be?

Greg Quinn · Oct 18, 2007, 02:24 AM

Oh... This is getting juicy! I know that you love him and he maybe really loves you, but no matter what you two are having an affair. It is wrong to let these things continue, it is his position to make a decision as to who he is going to be with. How long are you going to let this go on like this for? I understand the hold it places on people and how easily you can get caught up in all of this. {imagining she slept with your X} But he does have a huge responsibility to his family to make the decision, I think 10 months is about ample time to figure that one out. Is he waiting for little Timmy Tina and Tommy to head off to college? I wonder how people in your position {no matter what the outcome} could ever trust the guy later on in your relationship. You probably do not see it but right now he has two ladies on the go and most likely he is sleeping with both of you, regardless of what it is he is telling you. So technically you are probably being cheated on as well. Maybe he is crying to you at night because it is a great non verbal cop out for not having dealt with it, and the puppy dog eyes are saying that I can't deal with it later either. Yeah... That sounds like a winner to me.
Good luck with this coward I personally think you will need it.

Greg Quinn · Oct 18, 2007, 02:31 AM

Having read my own post I seem a little angry, I am sorry for that. I see you coming on here asking a question about does he want me or is it just for the sex? It's been 10 months! Like the super model Brookeleigh said... Quote; He is a married man. And if he truely wanted to be with you wouldnt he be? There is an answer with out sarcasm.

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 18, 2007, 05:28 AM

I actually am going to have to agree. If he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife and be with you, it's wonderful that he is not so selfish that he would just leave his wife in kids for you and actually thinks about his children's well being, but he's not going to be able to hide this much longer. My friend Tracey dated THREE GUYS AT A TIME!! I kept telling her that she was going to get caught, and she did... though I doubt things will get as extreme with you two (one of my friends boyfriends sisters tried to kill her >.<). Anyway you two should just seriously sit down and think about what you guys want here. Some people say that it is easier on kids to have both parents but in this case I really do think it would be better for him to divorce his wife! So the kid thing is out... If he starts making up bs excuses after you discuss what a divorce would do to his kids then you know something's wrong.

sunflower88 · Oct 18, 2007, 09:44 AM

Oh my, this is getting juicy and heated... let me put in my two cents, for what they're worth.

It's always easier to criticise people who end up having affairs for being wrong and all that, UNTIL you become involved in one yourself. It is NOT easy to pull out of an affair that you have doubts over. I know, I used to be one of those who pooh poohed others for having affairs, until I fell in love with a married man. I posted my own sad story about finding love with a man who Didn't TELL me he was married with 2 young kids until I busted him. It was online and we didn't have sex, but it was still an emotional affair.

Katherine, you have to ask yourself, do you feel good about yourself doing this? It doesn't sound very healthy you sleeping with the husband of the woman who slept with your EX. His story is SO CLASSIC of THE MARRIED MAN, so classic (mine said the SAME thing). It's all the same story. He probably does have feelings for you, but its not enough for him to do the right thing. When you choose to marry and have kids, there is no more "ME". This man is not doing the right thing by you. He may be doing what's right for his kids, but he's not thinking of you, by allowing this affair to continue with no endgame in sight. If he's a stand up guy, then he will find a way to choose. Some party will be hurt. Of course, but at least everything will be out in the open. Children will adjust and heal, so it is not a good enough excuse NOT to divorce.

Im not criticizing or judging you, because I know now that things like this happen, even to the best of us. We all look for love and we hold on to what we can get out there. BUT there are sacrifices to be made when it involves others who will get hurt by our actions.

And if you let this go on, you will hate yourself for being used.

This can be as simple or complicated as you make it.

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · Oct 18, 2007, 06:00 PM

Who cares what his motives are you are enabling him to actuvely ruin a marriage. It doesn't matter if he isn't happy with her- If he's not happy then he needs to have the balls to Leave the Relationship.
Is that really the kind of man you want?
Selfish enough to put his desires before his families?
A Cheating, Lying, COWARD?

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 18, 2007, 06:39 PM

You all seem to be forgetting that his wife has done her fair share of ruining their marriage. SHE'S cheated on her husband TOO.

Greg Quinn · Oct 18, 2007, 07:58 PM

Nothing has told me that his wife is having an affair now, and that wouldn't matter. There has to be some adult like behaviour on at least one end here. It really is a silly thing to leave home have secret sex then go back home and play husband to your family. I feel sorry for his wife! She is at home trying to establish something obviously, or she wouldn't be there.

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 18, 2007, 08:00 PM

jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.

sunflower88 · Oct 18, 2007, 08:03 PM

Reply to Leidenschaftlich für Wahr:

Yes, I have left him. He was not only lying to me, but the wife too, and has since set up another online profile stating that he is single and chatting up NEW single women. I think he thinks that as long as its online and therefore only virtual, he isn't cheating. But it is cheating all the same.

What I was trying to say is that yes, these things happen, but it doesn't mean its right to stay in one. If a man cannot make the commitment he took when he married, then he is a coward and a manipulator.

He needs to come clean and do the right thing by his wife and by you (ie divorce her or break it off with you). To everyone. If he is a good guy. Anything less is just cowardice.

Greg Quinn · Oct 18, 2007, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

jacksgirl said earlier that she has cheated on her husbad. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's just staying for her kids just like he is staying for his kids. I'm willing to bet she even has an affair going on herself.

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I wouldn't bet on that.

cerisa · Oct 18, 2007, 08:48 PM

AAAGGGHHHH! So now as an afterthought, pertinent details, as she cheated first. Okay, Still there are children involved, and really, no one except the couple involved know what goes on in their marrige. Her cheating but staying does not mean he gets a free ride so to speak.

jacksgirl · Oct 19, 2007, 05:18 AM

It is actually more complicated then it seems, his wife is pregnant with her fourth child, her due date is the 1st January 2008, he came to me concerned about this as he (so he says) had only been intimate with me not her for quite some time, she went away on the 29 march and came home after 23rd April, we know this as he spent most of that time with me. He said they had sex a couple of times when she returned but not long after that announced she was pregnant. We did the math and it does not add up, she says its his but he is waiting that one out until the end. Can anyone else confirm that we are right, that there is no way possible that this baby is his, this is not too much of a concern to him, he just knows that if he leaves her she will take his kids who are 1,3 and 5. He is the one who gets their dinner and looks after them and is worried that if she takes them away, they won't be looked after. Thanks for all your comments. Hope this doesn't throw too big of a spanner into the works. Oh and my husband and I were separated when he was with the wife. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him, so I don't know how it feels too be the other woman.