[BiWiccanAndProud]

He's thinking about it, I've talked to jacksgirl and she said he is worried his wife will take away his kids. That's the only reason he has been staying, but it sounds to me like he is about to. He doesn't seem to understand that she can't just take them away. Once you go through divorce court you have to go to a mediator and decide who gets what. The kids will eventually be brought up and so will a custody battle. And when you are in a custody battle the parent with temporary custody can not leave state with the children or move so far the other parent can't see the kids. Though it sounds like even if they get in a custody battle he would be the one with the temporary custody until it is decided if there will be joint custody or full custody to one parent, the woman doesn't sound like a very good mom.

[Ash123]

Ha!

You are right. Nowhere Greg does it show he's working on it.....
Though BiWi has had off post-convos apparently.

Still, though, he is trapped and he knows it and not sure what to do.

He is F-ckd in all directions. His marriage is over and he's in deep Sh--... That's why he's crying.

Soooooo, he needs to get a lawyer and get on with a battle. Life ain't easy - but it can always be worse!


There but for the grace of god go all of us...

Discretion is the better part of valour.

This board is proof...

Do the right thing - no matter how hard it is as humans to have the will sometimes...

[Greg Quinn]

Reposting...

The laws on infidelity have changed in mostly all of western society I think since the 80's. She could cheat on him and vice versa, it does not matter anymore about who was loyal and who was not, the courts would not even acknowledge that because it is not divorce court and is not relevant to the needs of the children. Custody should be shared evenly unless he/she is unable to provide for the children, or there are other factors we do not know about

He would know this information if he were intending on making a move.
It has been said that he is a strong man, and doing the right thing. I do not understand being a advocate to the adulterer in this very common scenario. I have a hard time believing that every case of infidelity that goes on like this has, is OK. I think it is damaging to support the idea of what this man is doing when it is most very likely that this woman is going to get hurt in the long run. I am going to post a question later asking woman who were ever in a situation like this and see where they ended up in the end. I believe the numbers would show that this will most likely turn out badly for J girl and that people will walk away sad and regretful.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

She's... cheating... on... him... if she's hurt by this then the woman is the biggest hypocritc in the world! And when I said the woman didn't sound like a good mother it's cause jacksgirl told me she met this man's wife and she just sits on her . This guy does all the work with the cooking and cleaning. I don't know about you guys but I know very few men who will cook and clean the house.

I am not saying that I support adultry or anything like that. If the scenario was that this guy had a good wife at him and a very wonderful family wife and he was cheating that I would be completely against it. This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

[Sad Soul]

She's... cheating... on... him... if she's hurt by this then the woman is the biggest hypocritc in the world!! And when I said the woman didn't sound like a good mother it's cause jacksgirl told me she met this man's wife and she just sits on her . This guy does all the work with the cooking and cleaning. I don't know about you guys but I know very few men who will cook and clean the house.

This is starting to get a little fishy on your part. You come on here and give a lot of people who do not support this man cheating, your anger... and then you monitor this new member's post (Jacksgirl) like a hawk.

I find it VERY interesting that you come on here and you say, "Jack's girl told me..." and give us all these details that she herself has not come up to post.

If she is telling you things that she is not posting for all of us to see... then how come you feel so comfortable to tell everyone, as if you are Jacksgirl herself?

Weird...

I am not saying that I support adultry or anything like that. If the scenario was that this guy had a good wife at him and a very wonderful family wife and he was cheating that I would be completely against it. This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

You also have a one hundred percent identical view to Jacksgirl.
You completely interpret everyone's post in the way that she does.
For example, you can't see that many people posting here don't find anything wrong with two people separating and then for those two people to get married again to new people. And you can't see that people posting here are saying that it is only wrong when you have 2 women at the same time.

You seem to think it is horrible for the wife to have had affairs... but not the other way around. Let me guess, you're going to respond to this by saying "well jacksgirl told me..." or you're going to give a red disagree because I'm on to something here.

[katieperez]

This guy is very unhappy but doesn't want to hurt his kids. That's why I support him and jacksgirl in this. I hope the guy gets a divorce soon as possible and wish him the best of luck in getting his children full custody!

Well I hope for the sake of his children this divorce decision comes QUICK!!
10 months?? Are you kidding me? That's more than enough time to have decided. Some here have said it's good that he's staying miserably married for the sake of his kids. And how courageous he is to put his kids first and stay with a woman he's unhappy with. Wow, that's brilliant:rolleyes: Seriously, it's so unhealthy for kids to grow up in a home where their parents are miserable and unfaithful. What does that teach them about love and respect and marriage?? How will the kids feel when they find out what daddy put mommy through for 10 whole months. Or what mommy put daddy through before that to make daddy do that. Blah blah blah. Who the heck cares which parent did who or what first. It all seems like a bunch of crap if you ask me. Both parents are to blame and it seems as though their kids are an afterthought at this point. 10 months?! Give me a break. Dad's being selfish. He needs to leave mom for the sake of his kids. Marriage is supposed to be a happy partnership, not a miserable chore for the sake of kids. That to me is a warped perspective. Those babies deserve to grow up in an environment where everyone can live happily and give them the lives and attention and nurturing they need and deserve.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her. I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me. And I agree with katie that the divorce needs to happen quick! Cause she's right that it's not healthy to have such a bad relationship with your wife in front of her kids I just think he's a good man to have stay for his kids, but at least he was thinking of them. I'm just going to stop posting cause this is slowly turning from giving advice to a heated debate on the rights and wrongs of marriage it's ridiculus.

[Sad Soul]

.... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her.

No, you're getting slowly pissed off because people have not given the same responses as you have. You've actually abused many people with you being "pissed off".

I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me.

Right. You send her "personal" messages but then let out her responses on a public forum. You know how to use personal messages, but for some reason in this post, with this new user, you did not feel any need to keep them personal.
And while you've been defending her position and posting all these things that she has "personally" told you, she's not here herself. So... this "new user" has been answering all your personal messages, but not the posts on her own wall... Or maybe she doesn't need to post here anyway, when you're here keeping it safe? Especially when you're here filling us in like crazy and bashing people who do not agree with you.

Anyway, a lot of people have given great advice. A lot of people don't feel the need to defend the man, as you do.. .
Most people feel the need to look out for the children. And a lot of people feel the need to say that everyone deserves a better situation than this (as in, he has to be an adult now).

I think a lot of people gave the person posting here the advice to move on and to not live in a situation where someone has been making her be "the other woman" for 10 months. If he wants to be with her, he will divorce his wife. The best thing he can do for his children is to not keep them in a dishonest and unhealthy household.

And it's scary...you keep saying she has personally told you that the wife is so horrible and cruel, yet he keeps the marriage together for the sake of his children? And he kept sleeping with her while with jacksgirl? ...that doesn't make sense. Are you sure you should keep encouraging that his guy is just doing the right thing?

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

No, you're getting slowly pissed off because people have not given the same responses as you have. You've actually abused many people with you being "pissed off".



Right. You send her "personal" messages but then let out her responses on a public forum. And while you've been defending her position and posting all these things that she has "personally" told you, she's not here herself. So...this "new user" has been answering all your personal messages, but not the posts on her own wall....Or maybe she doesn't need to post here anyway, when you're here keeping it safe? Especially when you're here filling us in like crazy and bashing people who do not agree with you.

Anyway, a lot of people have given great advice. A lot of people don't feel the need to defend the man, as you do... ....
Most people feel the need to look out for the children. And a lot of people feel the need to say that everyone deserves a better situation than this (as in, he has to choose and stop using his poor children as a tool to keep this going for another 10 months).

I think a lot of people gave the person posting here the advice to move on and to not live in a situation where someone has been making her be "the other woman" for 10 months. If he wants to be with her, he will divorce his wife. The best thing he can do for his children is to not keep them in a dishonest and unhealthy household.

And it's scary...you keep saying she has personally told you that the wife is so horrible and cruel, yet he keeps the marriage together for the sake of his children? And he kept sleeping with her while with another woman? ...that doesn't make sense.

I totally agree, just can't give you a green for it because I already did before O.o

Totally agree though.

[jacksgirl]

and that would make it 5:12 pm here in Edmonton Albera Canada. Big time difference.... By the way, is his name Jack?

No his name isn't Jack, just need something easy so no one would guess.

[jacksgirl]

.... I'm not jacksgirl if that's what you are insinuating. I'm just getting slowly pissed off with the way you guys are treating her. You all keeping telling her how wrong she is for her affair but you are not giving her any actual advice to help her. I am on the man's side cause he is thinking of his kids and it's obvious this woman is not. And yes I asked jacksgirl some questions via pm cause I wanted to know a little more and I don't know if it's policy or anything to keep what's said in pm private or not but you lot were starting to piss me off so I let out a few things she told me. and I agree with katie that the divorce needs to happen quick!! Cause she's right that it's not healthy to have such a bad relationship with your wife infront of her kids I just think he's a good man to have stay for his kids, but atleast he was thinking of them. I'm just going to stop posting cause this is slowly turning from giving advice to a heated debate on the rights and wrongs of marriage it's ridiculus.

Well said! I never did ask anyone for their opinion on what is right or wrong.

[jacksgirl]

First, you’re posting on here because you are not happy. This is not your ideal scenario. So think about who is helping put you in this situation. Who holds the ball here? Is it you? No. Is it the married wife? No.

Is it the man? Yes. He holds the ball. It’s time to take the ball back and tell him you are not playing. Do not listen to all his excuses. Him being with you does not mean he is leaving his children. This is a sure fact, so there must be something else that is preventing him from doing the right thing, and you know what that is? It's that it's easier to do the wrong thing and sometimes it’s easier for a man to be a coward and not own up to the truth. And it's so sad that he pulls his children into this and gives an illusion as to them being his excuse and reason for not coming out and FIXING a wrong. Fixing a wrong is EXACTLY WHAT HE IS NOT DOING. He can fix this by having an honest relationship with you two women (and that means he could either be with his wife or with you). Don't let him trick you into thinking that "oh dear, what about my kids" because there are plenty of divorced parents who still see their children! So please, think with logic and do not listen to his emotional excuses.

Of course after ten months of waiting, and him not leaving his wife, you would wondering when the time is going to come where you two can live happily ever after.

And yes, before you give me a sharp “diagree” as you have with some people that have taken the time to post here or have told you the truth, I have read about how his own wife has cheated in the past, and that the man you are having an affair with has hildren with his wife, who also happens to be pregnant. I read it all.

You mentioned how he tears up when you are in bed together. In looking at your responses to others, you put this detail up to also prove that he is not just in it for the sex, but because he truly loves you.

I realize that he may believe he loves you, but this is when a man truly loves a woman: A man loves a woman when he puts his fears aside, and does the right thing for her. This means he will tell his wife what he’s been doing, and he will stop putting you two on a hold as he continues to decide when it’s safe for him to say something. See, these past ten months have been more about him than it has been about you or his wife. And they certainly have not been about his children because if they were, he would act responsibly and discontinue an unhappy home so that they may live with a healthy father and mother (not two parents that fight and go off and have affairs for ten months at a time!). He would have a divorce, if that's what's needed. But for some reason, he's continuing to play this coward game. What a choice!

He may love you, but he clearly does not love you the way you want to be loved, or the way you should be loved. You know what way you deserve to be loved; you deserve to be loved by a man who is not married. You need someone who is yours. By continuing to wait it out, especially after ten months, you’re actually bringing your worth value down as a woman. A man knows that most women will not put up with this situation...but this guy sees you as someone who will continue being the other woman (even after ten months). Please show him otherwise.

Do you think you can do better than this situation? I should hope so. Don’t listen to his excuses. People with children have divorces all the time and our society is famous for it. If a man feels like doing the right thing, he will. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with you two being together, BUT only when he is not married.
Let me ask you: why should he do the right thing now, by being honest and telling his wife the truth?

He won't do the right thing because he doesn’t see that he needs to. He actually won’t do the right thing because you’re allowing this situation to continue.
The right thing right now is not for him to keep lying to his wife. He needs to tell her the truth, but you are making it easy for him to not have to. I suggest you leave him and see what he does. Move on and make yourself worth more than this type of situation.

Yes I want him to make a decision it is hurting a lot that he hasn't. I will still wait, I was talking to his mum yesterday, who I had no idea knew about him and I, but she spilt the beans (In a good way), I am hoping this means he is closer to a decision than I thought, I see now that he is probably finding extra support before he tells his wife.

[Greg Quinn]

And maybe the Mom will be the one to tell you it's over. Make sure you are prepared, that is how my X did it, she was a coward and eventually had her mom dump the guy she was having an affair with.

[cerisa]

Please Please let us know how this train wreck turns out.

[CARITO0124]

To the fact that you are seen a married man that is up to you and your feelings towards him, but be very conscious that like you say his wife has cheated on him and he has not left her. Why? All I can say is that "Men dont leave their woman, is when the woman decides to end that it does comes to an end" not to be feminist is an old sain from my family "Guys" whether he is with her for the kids or for her, he only knows

[jolienoire]

Hmmm... Interesting post, my husband left me and my children for another woman, and you know what it didn't last. Only lasted about 3 months and he tried coming back, but because I caught him in the act I called the first available divorce lawyer.. He is not going to leave his wife and if he does he will be back and forth just like my ex husband try to do but I wouldn't allow him... The kid will resent u for breaking up a home, I am telling u it's going to be hell.. You should just stop having an affair with this man, let him work out his own marriage, Cheating is not helping and you are not respecting yourself, You can find a nice single man without the baggage..

Do you believe in Karma? She will find you.

Good luck

[Greg Quinn]

She is done with this thread.

[jolienoire]

She is done with this thread.

Well good, it makes me absolutely sick that people wreck homes.. Especially when children are involved. Sad part they don't see anything wrong with the situation.