[isotonicchoice]

Hi, let me be brief with everything. I'm 23 to start with, and in uni, final year

I got bullied throughout high school. I used to be really nice, but people kept picking on me, then I started returning the favor and pissing them off e.g. if its someone I hated, and I heard them say something about someone else, I'll tell that person and try and start a fight between them to get my revenge. That was high school. Nobody wanted to be near the guy that gets bullied. There was a gang of 25 or so guys who just used to go around pissing the vulnerable off.
When I started uni, I found that a lot of these people came over to my course (about 7), another few in my uni, and some in other unis nearby. In first year, whenever I walk by, or meet new people, they start saying crap about me, spreading rumors, and saying things like "oh dont trust that guy, nobody likes him, dont ever invite him etc." Im friendly, and people actually do talk to me, but when I notice one of these pricks goes and spreads crap, people distance themselves, as nobody wants to be with a loner that's hated. Now because in uni, people generally stick with their high school friends, these pricks with their gang looked nice in front of others, and other gangs will easy mingle with them. Then starts all the manipulation. And wollah... more new opponents. These pricks are now not as childish, but they've started the 'mature bullying'-social isolation, emotional blackmail etc.
As I predicted, I did remain a loner, and everything was just hi/hello to the new people I met, as they would never join me if I ask them out etc. I also tried joining sports clubs and stuff, but these buffoons are everywhere. I realised I was just getting more people to hate me.
One more thing that really irritated me all these years, is when people see me and ask me why I have no friends, how come I go out alone etc. This stuff has emotionally strengthened me and tought me a lot of lessons, but I can't carry on like this forever.
I had no social life, no friends, poor family (no money to move to a new area. Besides, being a coward doesn't help I think). I am in final year, and when I have spare time, I would like to study, but I get all these stupid thoughts. I can't stand the hatred that follows me where ever I go. I can't just brand them as immature for carrying on crap since high school and ruining my life, and feel that I'm mature and great. I have totally lost my confidence, my interaction abilities, and I don't know how to move on. I feel I'll fail. I think I've just wasted my whole life.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated

Thank you.

p.s:
-i gave up the revenge stuff in high school itself.
- I have tried voluntary groups, but they tend to be people decades older than me. Also, I am in final year, where time is crucial
-I have tried meditation, and just normal breathing, listening to music, going to the gymn, watching movies and playing computer games. That keeps me alive. But still, there is something missing.. my social life. You can't really get far without people. Its OK, if you don't have people, and everyone is fine with you, but when people show hate (most of them for nothing I've done to them or in uni), how can I enjoy life?

[firmbeliever]

Have you tried helping someone instead of thinking of revenge.
I do not mean those who annoy you,but try places where volunteer workers are needed like in support groups and it is recommended by many to try old age homes.
Being able to help someone who really needs you may help you see the world a bit more differently.

All those negative people who have made an impression on your life are not the only people you can meet.
There are many who will appreciate your friendliness.

[isotonicchoice]

Thanks for your opinion firmbeliever.
That revenge and all I gave up after high school itself.
And yes, I have tried voluntary groups, but they tend to be people decades older than me.
Also, I am in final year, where time is crucial.

[firmbeliever]

What else have you found helps you keep sane all these years?
Have you tried relaxation techniques?

[isotonicchoice]

Yes firm,
I have tried meditation, and just normal breathing, listening to music, going to the gymn, watching movies and playing computer games. That keeps me alive
But still, there is something missing.. my social life. You can't really get far without people.
Its OK, if you don't have people, and everyone is fine with you, but when people show hate (most of them for nothing I've done to them or in uni), how can I enjoy life?

[firmbeliever]

Ignore those, they are just miserable in their own lives and are trying to make others feel the same as them.
Rise above them and their comments,think of the good in you and try improving on that.

[aaii]

Yes firm,
I have tried meditation, and just normal breathing, listening to music, going to the gymn, watching movies and playing computer games. That keeps me alive
But still, there is something missing..my social life. You can't really get far without people.
Its ok, if you dont have people, and everyone is fine with you, but when people show hate (most of them for nothing i've done to them or in uni), how can i enjoy life?

Well why don't you exploit your online presence. Is it possible to go to a LAN with your online friends and play a game? Meet up with some people from the Internet that you feel are understanding and not "bullies"?

I think you shouldn't waste your time on idiots with revenge. I know I know it feels great but it feels even better if you realise your strong enough to not sink down to their level.

Take care

[Miszulaki]

I can really rely on you because I've been through the same thing... Im 25 yrs old though!
And I still don't have someone in my life which I can say he is a friend... I have a boyfriend yes and that mainly is my social life! I've met him on lavalife, where I suggest you to go. You will meet someone that will want to know you for who you are and not what people think! I always been talked behind my back, called name, pipi in my locker etc. I never knew why... The only thing that comes to my mind is I'm not a bad looning person and maybe people were jaleous. But that I will never know... I never was able to have a girl as a friend so I tired to have guy friend but at the end... They wanted to go out with me or sleep with me... In other words, like is tough but trust me, only focuz on yourself. Firned are important is someway but what is important is that you feel good within yourself! Sometimes not to feel alone, ill go have coffee by myself. Take out any suicidal thoughts because you were nrought to this worl for some reason... And only time will tell you why! Look at marilyn massion for example. She was judge and hurt when he was wonder but now he is making a change in people's life! One day you'll meet this person and you'll be grateful for it!
Good luck! :)

[enigmagnetic]

You know what man, apart from the time I spend on the net I'm usually too busy to hang out or do anything. I know that's partly my fault but I'm very driven. I'm also not too concerned with how people view me more so with how I view myself. I work full time at a firm and I'm also at the university myself. The best advice I can tell you is focus on graduating, start volunteering, it will provide access to other people while you do a great deed. I've met wonderful people through volunteering. Join a club for something you like and finally learn to dance man, for some reason if you've got good groove capability people tend to flock to you as well. Don't let it consume you and focus on being the best you can be. The right people will respond if you do that. Everyone else matters not.