[mylifewillgoon]

This is the 4th day I was forced to take a break after she moved out (not completely; most of her belongings are still here). This forum has become my corner stone of the healing process since. I am very impressed with the depth and knowledge of our members posted here. This is my first ever serious posting on any forum and I hope I can also receive feedbacks from girls who have been on her shoes or know someone in a similar situation before so I can also understand a little better on where she is coming from.

Here is my quick story: We are 10 years apart. She is in our mid-20. We dated for 4 years and married for 2 years. I am the so called nice guy and she is the attractive one who always brings a lot of attentions from males. Overall, she is a nice person though still immature, short tempered and selfish sometimes but I can generally tolerate it due to I am a lot older than her. Throughout our relationship, she feels like I took her youth away even though I always treat her with kindness, love and respect. She is not stable and doesn't know what to do with her life and she has not had an opportunity to explore as I am her first serious relationship. I have been taking care of everything so she felt like she desperately needs to find out who she is and growing up etc. Of course, I know a lot of girls need this, explores and dates a variety of men, once reaching certain age before fully committed but hate this event happen to us. She settled with me when she was not ready apparently.

She said we can still meet to be physically intimate sometimes but I got so hurt when she asked my on the phone "can we take a break?" three times, I did not know what to say and just hung up the phone w/o giving an answer 'cause the action already presented itself and she is nice enough to ask for my permission. I'll do my best to maintain NC. But as a married couple, there is so much tie together w/ both of our names on so eventually we do have to talk even though I prefer to stay NC till I can heal completely.

Even though I was sad but recognized the good days we have shared and sacrifices we both made. Of course, I want her back and I believe I am strong enough to survive well if she decides not to come back. I hope whatever comes out in the end, go separate way vs. get together, will be the better for each of us.

Any advice/thought/feedback will be very grateful.

[student66]

Please can you give me advise about, it is good idea ot get married young? Why or why not?
I wish you answer as soon as possiple
Thank you
Hassan

[mylifewillgoon]

please can you give me advise about, it is good idea ot get married young? why or why not?
I wish you answer as soon as possiple
thank you
Hassan

I hope I can be unbiased as my young wife is looking for her space/break/expoloration etc. Let me try anyway!
Pros for married young with the assumption the relationship works out: mature faster, responsibility kicks in, and stop wasting time on the dating games.
Cons: not ready for true love caused by unstability so both of you might have a greater chance to get hurt down the road.

Hope this helps! I myself won't have a problem to get married younger as long as that's the right person; but even a right person at that moment might change in the future.

You sound like a young person and might still be at school. Though you'll never know, may I still ask you what maybe going through my wife's mind currently?

[PixieMama]

In my younger days I was with one guy from the ages of 15 until we were 20. During that time, he was the only person I slept with or spent most of my time with. He was not my first serious relationship. But he was my first "love" if that makes sense. He was the longest relationship I'd been in. He was SOOOOOOOOOO good to me. I was an angsty teen and I wasn't stable. And he was the most deticated, loyal, honest, caring, and noble person I have ever met (to this day, I stand by that statement). But then the day came when I felt like I had been robbed of my youth. In high school when all of my friends were dating around and exploring their options, I was in a very serious and committed relationship and it felt like I was married. So, one day I said I wanted my space. I needed a break. I wanted to date and see what else was out there. I told him something similar to what your wife told you "we can still come together to be intimate and be friends". And we did. To this day - we're still good friends. I'm married to someone else. He's engaged to my best friend. And I couldn't be happier for them. But overall, yeah, I can relate to what your wife is going through. Maybe she'll realize in her space period that you are the one she wants and the only one she wants to be with but if you are her first and only serious relationship she's always going to wonder "what else is out there" unless she gets to find out. It doesn't nesicarily mean she loves you any less. Maybe she just doesn't know what she wants.

Us women, we can be pretty fickle at times!

[mylifewillgoon]

In my younger days I was with one guy from the ages of 15 until we were 20. Durring that time, he was the only person I slept with or spent most of my time with. He was not my first serious relationship. But he was my first "love" if that makes sense. He was the longest relationship I'd been in. He was SOOOOOOOOOO good to me. I was an angsty teen and I wasn't stable. And he was the most deticated, loyal, honest, caring, and noble person I have ever met (to this day, I stand by that statement). But then the day came when I felt like I had been robbed of my youth. In high school when all of my friends were dating around and exploring their options, I was in a very serious and committed relationship and it felt like I was married. So, one day I said I wanted my space. I needed a break. I wanted to date and see what else was out there. I told him something similar to what your wife told you "we can still come together to be intimate and be friends". And we did. To this day - we're still good friends. I'm married to someone else. He's engaged to my best friend. And I couldn't be happier for them. But overall, yeah, I can relate to what your wife is going through. Maybe she'll realize in her space period that you are the one she wants and the only one she wants to be with but if you are her first and only serious relationship she's always going to wonder "what else is out there" unless she gets to find out. It doesn't nesicarily mean she loves you any less. Maybe she just doesn't know what she wants.

Us women, we can be pretty fickle at times!

PixieMama,

Thanks so much for the insightful respponses! I will never be figuring this out w/o your input.

You are right on the target. She always say she doesn't know what she wants. Is there anything I can try to help her on this area or there is nothing I can do?

Why do you think my wife would mention to me we can still be sexually intimate occasionally? Pittiness, guilt, uncertainty of future or something else?

If he had chosen NC instead of trying to be your "friends", will you have taken him more seriously or even would have considered gone back to him?

Won't she be shocked or saddened if I move on now instead of waiting for her to sort things out?