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self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 6, 2007, 06:25 AM

All right... First things first, I found out that my 'other' had been viewing online porn while I was at work... Thus, keeping it a SECRET.
Secondly, he's NEVER in the mood to have sex, and I'm serious when I say NEVER... It's either "I'm too hot..I'm too tired...I'm too drunk" It NEVER fails!
We went from making sure we had sex once a week, at the least, to now, it's been, ummmm... See?! I can't even remember, and I use to keep track, yeah, gave up on that!

K, here's the fun part. I gave him oral one day about a week ago, after coming home from work and getting a shower.
There was barely any ejaculation! None! MAYBE a teaspoon's worth (lol, k, that sounds weird!)

K, now I know, when you rarely have sex, let it out, it builds up, right? Cause I do know from experience with this man, when we go a while without having sex, there's A LOT of ammo.

This time, zilch.

Does that mean that he's getting his rocks off without me??

Thanks in advance for any insight :D

J_9 · Oct 6, 2007, 07:04 AM

A teaspoon is actually the normal amount of ejaculate. Now, understand that everyone and every circumstance is different, but this is the norm. Not to worry.

yenkalb · Oct 6, 2007, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by self_lnflicted_hell

Alright...First things first, I found out that my 'other' had been viewing online porn while I was at work...Thus, keeping it a SECRET.
Secondly, he's NEVER in the mood to have sex, and I'm serious when I say NEVER...It's either "I'm too hot..I'm too tired...I'm too drunk" It NEVER fails!
We went from making sure we had sex once a week, at the least, to now, it's been, ummmm....See?!? I can't even remember, and I use to keep track, yeah, gave up on that!

K, here's the fun part. I gave him oral one day about a week ago, after coming home from work and getting a shower.
There was barely any ejaculation!! None!! MAYBE a teaspoon's worth (lol, k, that sounds weird!)

K, now I know, when you rarely have sex, let it out, it builds up, right? Cause I do know from experience with this man, when we go a while without having sex, there's A LOT of ammo.

This time, zilch.

Does that mean that he's getting his rocks off without me???

Thanks in advance for any insight :D

I'll call you SIH if you don't mind... As a man. I can tell you that unless he's experiencing medical issues. Then you've got competition. Either masturbation or a 3rd party playing on your jungle gym..
Hope this helps
Yenkalb

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 6, 2007, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

A teaspoon is actually the normal amount of ejaculate. Now, understand that everyone and every circumstance is different, but this is the norm. Not to worry.

I understand completely that the norm is not very much... BUT, when I've been with this man for 2 1/2 years and I can pretty much tell you what his norm is, and the fact that I know he's viewing porn when I'm gone... Now, don't you see why my little mind's just churning around up there? LOL

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 6, 2007, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by yenkalb

I'll call you SIH if you don't mind... As a man. I can tell you that unless he's experiencing medical issues. then you've got competition. either masturbation or a 3rd party playing on your jungle gym..
hope this helps
Yenkalb

Best not be no third party! HAHA That would suck!
All right, he has been laid off for sometime and put on a few pounds BUT I do know that he watches/looks at stuff when I'm not around... So, OF COURSE, my mind starts thinking.

Thanks for the replies so far, by the way :)

Ash123 · Oct 7, 2007, 07:34 PM

This is what's happening.

he's young. sex is easy. predictable. he's turned to porn for now.

I think you both could benefit from new partners at this stage.

Unless you are thinking marriage, I think to dig any deeper into this is silly.

If you don't want to move on... share the porn with him... but it's his coded way of saying - we are so predictable babe... pass me a beer... yawn.

Think big picture... think career, think stronger man, think hey, this is normal (it is) and now you know what's up SIH --

Hugs,

A

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 8, 2007, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by Ash123

i think you both could benefit from new partners at this stage.

Unless you are thinking marriage, I think to dig any deeper into this is silly.

If you don't want to move on... share the porn with him... but it's his coded way of saying - we are so predictable babe... pass me a beer... yawn.

Think big picture... think career, think stronger man, think hey, this is normal (it is) and now you know what's up SIH --

Hugs,

A

Ah, Noooooo
I don't want anyone else and I sure as h*ll hope he doesn't either! That's just silly!!
We've been together almost 3 years, I plan on spending the rest of my life with him and he's the only man I want to sleep with.

I am very, very monogamous and having any other partner is out of the question.

Ash123 · Oct 8, 2007, 11:05 AM

Well, he's kind of enjoying the ease of porn right now. Maybe share it with him.
I think he needs to get himself together.

What was he laid off from?
Was it a good job?
Does he want another?

He's used to the routine and is probably not too motivated rigt now... you all may need a little... kick.

Maybe when he gets a job things will be better. Some guys need a job to feel good.

ky37m · Oct 9, 2007, 01:41 AM

Call me crazy, but losing his job has nothing to do with viewing porn and jacking his junk. There's more of an issue. It could be a number of things.
Don't take this the wrong way but maybe he is more satisfied masterbating. A lot of guys are, just as a lot of women enjoy their own touch. Its not uncommon.
As far as the amount of sperm, I'm curious at how old he is. I know you have been with him a while, but our bodies are constantly changing and it could be that he is not producing the way he once was. As a lab tech, I am doing sperm counts on a daily basis, and its not uncommon for guys to run into that problem.
But the bottom line is this; ask him! If he is the guy you want to spend eternity with, then surely he will be honest with you. Do not say it in a confronting way, just make it sort of mater of fact. Good luck

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 10, 2007, 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by ky37m

call me crazy, but losing his job has nothing to do with viewing porn and jacking his junk. theres more of an issue. it could be a number of things.
dont take this the wrong way but maybe he is more satisfied masterbating. alot of guys are, just as alot of women enjoy their own touch. its not uncommon.
as far as the amount of sperm, im curious at how old he is. i know you have been with him a while, but our bodies are constantly changing and it could be that he is not producing the way he once was. as a lab tech, i am doing sperm counts on a daily basis, and its not uncommon for guys to run into that problem.
but the bottom line is this; ask him! if he is the guy you want to spend eternity with, then surely he will be honest with you. do not say it in a confronting way, just make it sort of mater of fact. good luck

Update, I brought all of this up with him, he says that he knew I was looking so that's why he went to those sites. I don't know.

He's 33, put on quite a few pounds since he's been laid off and he's not as motivated as he was.

The only problem with me being able to talk to him is that for 1, he gets defensive with me, saying all I do is b*tch anymore, my come back was that I have nothing NOT to b*tch about, I'm not as happy as I once was and that his friends, the comp and his 4 wheeler get more attention than me.
And 2, he ignores me, I'll be talking to him, crying and pouring my heart out about the way I feel and he'll just sit there, watching TV or reading a magazine! I asked him if he cared anymore that I do have feelings and a heart that's aching and he said yes, matter of factly... I don't know, he lost his communication skills somewhere along the way.

I can't complain on here anymore because I get replies telling me to talk to him, which I can't and to leave him, which I can't... lol

Not that I'm complaining about the advice, I'm not, I respect every bit of it, it's just that, I guess I'll just have to see what happens, whatever is meant to be will be.

Thanks for everything :o

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 10, 2007, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by Ash123

What was he laid off from? His job..lol
Was it a good job? Not really...haha...were applying at other places
Does he want another? Yes, but I think the ease of sitting at home collecting has got to him...Although, he does complain from time to time about not having a job

He also always talks about wanting to work out and do things but he's so unmotivated and lazy that it's all just talk... I did get him out for a walk the other day after we discussed all of this porn drama. Then we went out for dinner. It's a start!

Rook · Oct 10, 2007, 10:07 PM

Yep sounds like you b-tch too much to me. Honestly. Of course he looks at porn and jacks off, he's a man right? Are you going to b-tch about it until it ruins your relationship or are you going to think about how you can use it to your advantage? And of course his being laid off has something to do with it. His inner feelings of self worth, being a provider, general male pride have all come to an abrupt end. He's probably begun to get a little depressed about it. If you really want to help stop complaining, make a little more effort around the house, it sounds crazy I know, and DO push him to find another job. Even something temporary so he will feel like he's providing again at least somewhat and it'll get him out of the house, moving, and around people.

Ash123 · Oct 11, 2007, 06:24 AM

Sounds messy.

Sex is often the "canary in the coal mine" for other problems. His life is not so good right now. Focus on getting yourselves healthy and happy and employed and then the sex will be fun and have meaning...

As for Porn? It's what's easiest now. I am VERY glad you all talked. Keep talking... But please recognize he tends to lean towards what's easiest... this hasa pros and cons as you look to the future...

statictable · Oct 11, 2007, 06:37 PM

Any possibility this man was stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate? When this occurs there seems to be a defect in many of the replicant's spermovoluminizer module (SVM).Normally the SVM is adjustable not only to volume but also temperature and duration. Just last week in Japan a SMV locked-up in it's full-on position and Tatsuko Hiromora was last seen above Mt. Fuji traveling about 470 K.P.H. Several eye witnesses described a long con-trail but no sound of an engine could be heard. Please be very careful till you know for sure. Good Luck to you and your neighbors

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 12, 2007, 04:22 AM

Originally Posted by statictable

Any possibility this man was stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate? When this occurs there seems to be a defect in many of the replicant's spermovoluminizer module (SVM).Normally the SVM is adjustable not only to volume but also temperature and duration. Just last week in Japan a SMV locked-up in it's full-on position and Tatsuko Hiromora was last seen above Mt. Fuji traveling about 470 K.P.H. Several eye witnesses described a long con-trail but no sound of an engine could be heard. Please be very careful till you know for sure. Good Luck to you and your neighbors

:confused: What?? HAHAHAHA:confused:

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 12, 2007, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by Rook

Yep sounds like you b-tch too much to me. Honestly. Of course he looks at porn and jacks off, he's a man right? Are you gonna b-tch about it untill it ruins your relationship or are you going to think about how you can use it to your advantage? And of course his being laid off has something to do with it. His inner feelings of self worth, being a provider, general male pride have all come to an abrupt end. He's probably begun to get a little depressed about it. If you really want to help stop complaining, make a little more effort around the house, it sounds crazy I know, and DO push him to find another job. Even something temporary so he will feel like he's providing again at least somewhat and it'll get him out of the house, moving, and around people.

1: I usually have nothing to not about! (It has gotten better since we talked though)

2: True true

3: Make a little more effort at what?!?! I take care of the house, do the dishes, laundry... ya know, all the "woman's" jobs. AND, I make sure that he's happy and taken care of.

Ash123 · Oct 12, 2007, 07:24 AM

Arghhh. This thread is not progressing well.

"Male provider"
"More Effort around the house?"
Is this comedy?
I kind of disagree with putting it on you as a solution.

Man, we are in sad-ville. This guy is a man?? Well, he oughta get up and do something and it is NOT her fault for wondering what's up? That said, I think that BOTH are still ignoring the bigger problems here... Your lives need help... And no BJ or Porn or sperm measurement is going to fix that... It's time to step up. Don't facilitate his couch behavior. Focus on a good life. Be healthy.
.and he needs to as well... then it can be "go time"

As for the porn?

Whatever... everyone looks... It's the least of your problems.

BMI · Oct 12, 2007, 07:31 AM

Listen, guys are always drawn to porn. Porn represents fantasy sex, sex we dream about but can never really capture, so looking at it is not really any indication of him not wanting you or being bored with you.

Many a time that I have watched porn I thought it may be fun to try that out with whomever I was with, but its just not the same. So he views it as a "fantasy" thing, oh man I wish it was like that.

As for the amount, you are right about the build up. If it is loaded for say3-4 days than the amount is going to be greater than if it is being used more often. Here's a fact: IF you pleasure him and a tiny weenie bit comes out, he's been at it all day, that's a fact:)

aaii · Oct 12, 2007, 08:31 AM

Ok I've read this thread and allow me to share my thoughts on this.

There could be a few things at play here;

Passion

It sounds like you do not have a very passionate relationship, or at least the passion has certainly died down. To be passionate you need to be more spontaneous, understanding, and have desire, both of you. You need to inject this back into your relationship because at the moment it sounds predictable and he turns to his porn, his "fantasy" world to escape reality.

Pressure

You are putting him under pressure to do something. Any person who is put under pressure to do something usually defies, as a childish form of retaliation, particularly if they don't see anything positive in it for themselves. So, what's in it for him? He probably feels he can satisfy himself better by being in a fantasy world pleasuring himself over his favorite porn. Solution? Well simply don't pressure him into it. Make it clear to him that its an issue that you feel strongly about and make him understand the benefits and the consequences if he carries on the way he is. Show him it will make you happy, both of you, and make the relationship and the connection between you two stronger.

You know, you can actually exploit the fact that he's looking at porn. Is it possible to see the kind of porn he looks at? You might learn a lot from it. Maybe you can act out a certain fantasy of his or maybe there are fetishes that turn him on that you are unaware of, or that have recently manifested?

Take care

self_lnflicted_hell · Oct 12, 2007, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by BMI

Listen, guys are always drawn to porn. Porn represents fantasy sex, sex we dream about but can never really capture, so looking at it is not really any indication of him not wanting you or being bored with you.

Many a time that i have watched porn i thought it may be fun to try that out with whomever i was with, but its just not the same. So he views it as a "fantasy" thing, oh man i wish it was like that.

As for the amount, you are right about the build up. If it is loaded for say3-4 days than the amount is going to be greater than if it is being used more often. Heres a fact: IF you pleasure him and a tiny weenie bit comes out, he's been at it all day, thats a fact:)

1: You are right, I know that. But I've said it before and I'll say it again, when either one is viewing stuff of that nature and avoiding the deed with their other and not making them feel satisfied, feeling inadequate... Then something's wrong and things need to be changed. If our sex life was all hunky dory then no, I wouldn't care what he viewed but when I'm feeling a bit left out, then that's when things start to go wrong.

2: I knew it... HAHAHA Doesn't take a medical professional to figure that one out!