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packer2007 · Oct 5, 2007, 08:52 PM

I left or detached myself from a man I had been seeing for 6 months. He is an alcoholic,womanizer(goes on and on about women when we are out and about, stares at them and talks about his ex and still talks to her),only cares about his needs and not mine and said he only considered us buddies not dating and he was not ready for a relationship. (we both are 48, divorced, he was in AA now drinking again, lives in his parents condo, which is filthy all the time) I loved and cared for him dearly.So I decided I could not be friends with him. I feel guilty leaving him and now I have no one. Did I do the right thing in not continuing our friendship even though he needs me in some ways?

xmarksthespotx · Oct 5, 2007, 08:59 PM

In a word -- yes.

My ex-boyfriend is someone that I cared about very, very much. The truth was, though, that he wasn't a good person (or, at least, wasn't a very healthy one). I wanted to stay friends with him even after the breakup and "be there for him", but I would have been disrespecting myself by doing that.

Don't feel guilty - you would have been doing yourself a great injustice by still communicating with someone that was so disrespectful towards you.

grammadidi · Oct 5, 2007, 09:50 PM

Definitely you did the right thing! The only way that this man would 'need' you would be to enable him. The best thing you could do for both him and yourself, was exactly what you did. The more people that distance themselves from inappropriate behaviour, the sooner the person gets help. A complete break up is necessary.

It bothers me that you feel so little love for yourself that you would put this mans perceived needs before your own. You cannot experience real love until you love and respect yourself.

Hugs, Didi

angelic_voice · Oct 5, 2007, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by packer2007

I left or detached myself from a man I had been seeing for 6 months. He is an alcoholic,womanizer(goes on and on about women when we are out and about, stares at them and talks about his ex and still talks to her),only cares about his needs and not mine and said he only considered us buddies not dating and he was not ready for a relationship. (we both are 48, divorced, he was in AA now drinking again, lives in his parents condo, which is filthy all the time) I loved and cared for him dearly.So I decided I could not be friends with him. I feel guilty leaving him and now I have no one. Did I do the right thing in not continuing our friendship even though he needs me in some ways?

You made the right decision, and although you don't have anyone right now, doesn't mean you won't have someone later. And that isn't the type of person you need to be with anyway. You need to be with someone who will love you for you, and do little things, like tell you your beautiful when you had a bad day. Its not always about having someone by our side, its about being happy, and sometimes were happier without someone there. And not being his friend or whatever he called it, was the best thing to do, because a lot of times when were around people with certain habits, we may tend to pick up on them ourselves. Here's a quote that I live by, we go through things that at the time may weaken us, but in the end, they make us realize how strong we really are, keep your head up and love yourself, it will all work out~