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NCDad · Oct 4, 2007, 06:25 AM

In January 2006, I was forced to leave my home after enduring years of verbal and emotional abuse from my wife, who I am convinced is a psychopath. I always had a very close relationship with my 3 children (Girl-16, Boy-15, Girl 12). I had to move in with my Mom and did not have a suitable home for them so I chose to wait to seek a custody arrangement until I did. The Ex said I could see them anytime I wanted. However when I requested to see them, which was mainly on the weekend due to the circumstance, she began telling me they didn't have to see me if they didn't want to. At that time they still wanted to see me and I did see them about 8 or 10 days a month. I also spoke to them by phone everyday on days I didn't see them. As the months passed, they became less responsive on the phone and I began to encounter more and more excuses for them not seeing me, primarily she/they made sure they always had plans. I was accused of only wanting to see them when it was convenient for me. So, I started making an effort to see them on days that were not convenient for me. By this time the kids began to tell me they didn't want to see me and stopped talking to me on the phone. After 10 months I moved into a house in their same neighborhood. When I did this, they completely cut off all contact with me which forced me to file a legal action for custody. That was a year ago and I have not had any time with them since. We went to court last March and the judge ordered us to undergo family counseling. This proved to be useless as the kids became even more defiant and accusatory of me and said they didn't want to have anything to do with me. My kids have been totally alienated from me and now it appears there is nothing more I can do. At this point I have backed off and told them I will not force them to have a relationship with me but I am here for them if they change their mind. I have proposed to the Ex that we share joint custody and I will leave visitation to the discretion of the kids. She intends to seek sole custody. I have done a lot of research on parental alienation and am convinced that is clearly what has happened. I just don't know what else I can do other than let them have it their way and hope someday they see the reality of it all and hopefully seek to reunite with me... I know continued counseling is probably the only solution now, however the cost is prohibitive for me ( $220 per session for me and kids)... Any other advice?

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2007, 06:47 AM

My heart goes out to you. It seems clear that their mother has succeeded in brainwashing them against you, though I do find that odd considering the ages. The only hope I see for you is to get them into counseling with you and away from the mom to find out why they no longer want you in their lives.

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2007, 08:41 AM

First, any follow-up questions should be posted to the thread. PMs or e-mail should only be used for personal correspondence.

Have they given you any reason why they no longer want you in their life?

NCDad · Oct 4, 2007, 09:43 AM

Nothing reasonable. They only say I have changed and they don't want to have anything else to do with me. They blame me for evrything that has happened and refuse to see my side of what happened.

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2007, 09:56 AM

There's not much we can do here. The only possibilities I can see if getting more at the root. How have you changed? What are you doing differently? You need to pin them down on this.

NCDad · Oct 4, 2007, 10:15 AM

That is it, I have not changed. It is just that they have not seen me or interacted with me in the last year while receiving a daily dose of their mother's venom against me. I have asked them and they point to the fact that I have pursued legal action against them. They say that I took them to court and I made them go through this. They say I refuse to listen to them and what they want. They see me as a bad person for putting them through this "whole mess". I am the villain in their eyes. They said they no longer even think of me as their Dad. They have been convinced that they are in control of this and no one can make them do anything against their wishes and of course the Ex has made sure their wishes favor her. It is a classic case of parental alienation.