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lilmama07 · Oct 3, 2007, 10:13 PM

Hi my name is heather and I'm 20 years old I just found out that I'm pregnant I'm white and my boyfriend is black. I've dated black guys for a while so you would think that my family would be use to by now well just a few days ago I told my mother that I was pregnant and the first thing she told me to do was have an abortion but I've never been one for killing your baby I believe that if you were grown enough to lay down and do it you should be grown enough to take care of it but the thing that hurt me the most was when my mother told me that if I didn't not "fix the problem " I would be out of the family, don't call don't come by nothing... I really don't know what to do I've never had my father around so my mom and step father is all I have besides a sister that lives 5 hours away I really don't know what to do I know she is worried about my future and education but I tried to tell her that I can finish out my classes now before I have the baby but she just won't listen

AKaeTrue · Oct 3, 2007, 10:34 PM

Is your mother up set because it is a mixed baby or
Is she upset because she feels your future may be jeopardized and that you're to young to have a baby?

She might just be concerned and saying things she don't really mean.
It's only been a few days since you've told her, it may take a little time
For the news to sink in.
After that, she may be easier to talk to.

macksmom · Oct 4, 2007, 04:59 AM

You need to determine what your mother is upset about. Is it the race of the child, or just the simple fact you are having a child.

Once you figure which it is, it will be easier for us to advise on.

Cipher · Oct 4, 2007, 05:08 AM

I agree with both Michelle and Kae, I think you need to figure out what exactly she's upset about. Don't take it bad, in my inexperienced opinion I think it was natural for your mom to freak out :) Give it some time!

lilmama07 · Oct 4, 2007, 06:27 PM

Thanks everyone for your help... I just got off the phone with her and she is still trying to push the issue of an abortion... I explained how school was going to work out but she feels like black people won't like my baby because its not all the way black and white people won't like my baby because its not all the way white but times have changed... I understand her being upset if I had a daughter and she told me that she was pregnant I would be upset to but I would never tell them that they have to make a choice either your family or the baby and if you keep the baby your out of the family that's just wrong... because either way if I have a baby now or later its still going to be mixed and she has already said that even if I didn't have this one and I had one later down the line after school she still wouldn't talk to me because of the race

macksmom · Oct 5, 2007, 09:49 AM

Well parents can say one thing, until that precious baby is here.

My older brother and sister are biracial. When my mom got pregnant with them my grandma and grandpa disowned her... until she had them. Once their grandbabys were born, they couldn't stay away :)

babydoll2sad · Oct 5, 2007, 10:17 AM

The way I see it is it's your baby and ultimately your discission NOT your family's. Personally I am Pro-choice, I thank God that I've never been faced with having to choose, I don't think abortion should be used as a form of birth control but I do believe in the woman's right to choose. If your family is upset because they are afraid for your future, possibly being a young single Mom I understand their fears, if their motivation is racial then they are just WRONG! I am 33, white and engaged to a wonderful man who just so happens to be black, my family was dead set against it from the beginning. I told them to either accept him into our family or they will lose a daughter, sister, aunt! They still didn't like it and my father was always racist but you know they finally agreed to meet him and they love him now! It's actually changed them and they don't judge people like they used to. We actually go to our family country house all the time and have a blast. My Dad's new favorite thing is to get drunk and hang with my man, typical men! I honestly believe if you think you can handle and want to have this baby once they lay their eyes on it and hold it in their arms they will have a change of heart, and if they don't then there are not worth your time! What ever you decide I wish you nothing but love and happiness! Hang in there, you're going to be just fine!

lilmama07 · Oct 5, 2007, 09:33 PM

Thanks for the help I don't plan on having an abortion and I'm really excited to bring this baby into this world my b/f is a wonderful man and hopefully my family gets a chance to see that but I'm kind of starting to think maybe I just shouldn't worry about what they think because I know I've got something good going on and either they're going to be here or they're not I really wanted to say a special thanks to babydoll2sad it was really good to here from someone else that had the same kind of situation and had a happy ending that kind of gave me hope

Thanks and god bless- heather

babydoll2sad · Oct 6, 2007, 06:01 AM

Your very welcomed honey, I really think that eventually they will have a change of heart. If for what ever reason they choose to remain indifferent towards you then I think however painful you need to let them go a bit. Follow your heart and prepare yourself for life with a child. I hope you, your baby, and boyfriend get all the love and support that you deserve. I think once you look into that child's eyes you won't really care what people think much. Good luck to your future family!

N0help4u · Oct 6, 2007, 08:28 AM

Whether it is the race of the baby or that they feel you shouldn't have the baby for whatever reason I would stick to my conviction of not having an abortion. Many times once the baby is born the girls parents see the baby and their words don't matter because they melt at the site of their grand baby. I (personally) would even go as far as narrowing it down to if it is a choice between my parents and the baby I am carrying I would choose my baby and let the chips fall where they will. Time tends to heal a lot of things that we spend hours worrying about as well as change hearts to your favor.
I was very poor even lived in an abandoned house with no utilities with my first born and we had 3 more babies and even though they had it rough they knew mom loved them and now they are grown and they are all I have. They are my heart and all the bad memories are nothing compared to my beautiful adult children. I can't even imagine the thought of
IF I had been the type to consider abortion.

Where do things stand with your boyfriend and his family and them helping you out with the baby?

yenkalb · Oct 6, 2007, 08:45 AM

As questioned by the previous responder. Contact the fathers, mom... and or Grandmom; this is with his knowledge, not behind his back. I am of mixed orgins also. I can tell you without question, you and your child will not be turned out on the street. Regardless of how and what they think about your culture, they are not going to let anything happen to their grandchild if possible. That would be what I'd do first. Next, tell your mother that you love her and no matter what happens that won't change. Let her know that even if the family dis-owns you, that you won't stop loving her. And in time she too will come around.

This is strickly an opinion
Ed

lilmama07 · Oct 6, 2007, 05:49 PM

Well as of right now I am in miami with my sister I came down here to join the army but found out I was pregnant my boyfriend is back in my home town ocala,fl and we plan on me coming back up next week... he already has an apartment but the lease is up in November so we will be there till then and then move in to a 2 bedroom but as far as his family goes they know about me and I talk to them but they live no where around us... he is from DC