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teaspoon · Sep 26, 2007, 07:21 PM

I certainly never said that children are trash. I would never say anything like that about children. I love kids, if I could be a part of this boys life I would I and I was tryign. But you all seem to be missing the big picture his mother is refusing to let me have any contact with him. So blah, blah, blah back at all of you. I will be judged by the same god that will judge you. So back the f off. No his mother is not refusing me contact with him because I am a bad father. She is the one hurting the child because I certainly can give him more than what she can and I will give him love also. Another thing she is living off the government. So I don't care what you think, I could give a rats tail. So you can agree with whomever you want. Enjoy yourselves.

GlindaofOz · Sep 26, 2007, 07:38 PM

Why wouldn't you take her to court to enforce visitation? Do you even have a visitation order? There are legal channel to go down before relinquishing rights. What would you say if your child track down in 18 years? Oh I gave up my rights to you because your mother was being mean? How do you think that would make your child feel? I imagine they would feel pretty worthless that their dad didn't think they were worth a fight.

teaspoon · Sep 26, 2007, 07:45 PM

I have constantly filed the papers for court. Each time I am denied without even being able to reply. I do not know what else to do. Every attorney that I have spoken with all say that there is nothing that they can do. If you can reply with positive feedback please do. If negative save it.

bushg · Sep 26, 2007, 07:47 PM

Yep, true I was 6 when my mom and dad split and he showed up when I was in my 30's. He said my granny was mean to him and my mom would not stand up for him... Boo Hoo. No support from him not one dime am I bitter hell yeah. Do I have time for him? No He continues to call and I continue to tell him I'm busy don't have time. To me he is just another human on this earth that doesn't give a damn about others so I have no use for him or people like him. Even if you can't see the boy pay the support and shut up , because if my dad had at least shown me that he gave a damn that I had food in my belly then maybe I would be willing to try. One thing people can't lie about is the records that show where a person has paid into CSEA. Do the right thing pay the small amount of money every week even if that is the only thing you ever do for him. By the way I am 45 now.

GlindaofOz · Sep 26, 2007, 07:47 PM

Why is there a block against this? I was always under the impression that the court had to uphold the orders already in place. What does your visitation order state?

teaspoon · Sep 27, 2007, 02:57 AM

I have never been giving visitation rights. Every time that I send in the paperwork his mother would tell the magistrate that I have never been a part of this child's life. She does not tell them anything about her denying me the right to see him. She lives in one state and I live in another. The very last time that went we to court and I before I could even say two words about why I should have rights to see him since I am legally responsible for taking care of him by paying child support. He called my name and th eboys mother name and immediately said this case is dismissed. Do not bring this before me anymore. I do not stand a chance. The courts are always for the mothers no matter what.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 03:38 AM

I think there is more to this story then you are telling us. There is no way that they can do that. And if you hired a lawyer and they failed as well then your lawyer wasn't very good. And the court is not always in the mothers favor. I would get a new laywer, and if the judge has something agenst you then I would ask to see a different judge for this matter you can do that. What states do you and her live in?

macksmom · Sep 27, 2007, 05:16 AM

Something is going on here that you aren't telling us about, or you are making up the bit about going to court.

No court is going to deny visitation unless the child is in danger. My daughter will be 6 this December, her father hasn't seen her since she was 15 months old, and the courts still set up a visitation order.

The pieces just aren't fitting here... either there is some legitimate reason why you aren't allowed to see the child, or its just you don't want to thus don't try.

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2007, 06:12 AM

I agree that we are probably not hearing the whole story. I don't believe what you claim the attorneys are telling you unless you are telling them the whole story.

teaspoon · Sep 27, 2007, 07:41 AM

Their you all go again with I do not believe you, or you are not telling the whole story. Once again I have no reason to lie, yes I have gone to court repeatedly and have spoken with everyone with that stae to see what my options are. His mother says that I do not know him and that the boy does not know me. And since we live seven states apart the only visitation would be in the summer. Of course the mother said that during the summer months they go back to here home state and visit. This chidl is not in any danger with me for whomever made that comment. If that was the case I would not be here with my other children. If you cannot offer something positive or helpful don't reply.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 07:45 AM

The only thing that ic an say is just keep trying, get a new lawyer. Because if your not doing anything wrong then there is NO way that she can keep the child from you. How old is the child? Where does she live and where do you live? Just don't ever give up.

GlindaofOz · Sep 27, 2007, 07:45 AM

No one is being negative. Its just difficult for us to believe that the courts would refuse a parent visitation. I've never heard of the courts refusing to approve a visitation order or process it or anything. Everything all of us here have experienced is different. So I'm sure you can understand how we would all feel confused.

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2007, 07:51 AM

I can see some possible issues. For example the child is very young and can't travel on its own. Or maybe the child is of a certain age where introducing a father might be traumatic.

But the bottom line here is you do have rights and there has to be reasons for the courts to deny you those rights. But you haven't told us those reasons.

teaspoon · Sep 27, 2007, 08:01 AM

The last time that we went to court, I told my reasons I wuld like to start having visitation rights. I even said that if I had to pay for his plane ticket by myself I would if the mother could not pay for half. I tried to show where I was making contact with here via the phone with my bill. His mother siad that since I do not know him and he does not know me that if she could not be there when I was with him then she did not want him to go with me. When the judge asked why I had not seen him until know, when I said that I just found out that he was my child this summer. I said that he was sorry but it is whatever the mother says since she has been the only raising him up to this point. And the case was dismissed. I have filed the same papers hoping that at some point in time the court may get tired of seeing all of this paperwork and something will change. I do not know what else to do that I have not or am not already doing. It has been month than a month now and I have not gotten my last set of papers from the court.

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2007, 08:11 AM

How old is the child? Can you arrange to spend a vacation where they know live so you can spend some time with him under the mother's eye? Try and force the court to have an independent evaluation done of whether the child can handle meeting with you.

There are things you can do.

cjonline · Sep 27, 2007, 08:13 AM

Have you offered solutions to the courts? If what Scott says is true, that the child's too young, then offer to take time off work and go to the child, maybe say you could have the mother there at first if they don't seem to be going for it. Or maybe you could fly to his house and pick him up and have a "meeting" with the mother you and the child then take him back with you.

I'm sure if you let us know some more details all of us here can help you with ideas that we think the courts would go for.

teaspoon · Sep 27, 2007, 08:23 AM

The child is nine almost 10. The first time that we ever saw each other was this past summer. I cannot take a 2 month vacation from my job and family to go and visit with this child and his mother. Then I would have a whole new situation going on. I have tried and am still trying. His mother is married with other children also. Leaving my wife and children to go and visit another woman and child is not an option.

cjonline · Sep 27, 2007, 08:40 AM

That's not what I meant. Maybe you can go and stay the day and get another flight out later in the evening for both you and your child. 10 is not old enough to fly solo, maybe if you told the courts you would fly both ways with him/her they would allow it. Maybe don't keep him all summer or the whole break, but maybe half the first time or only a week or two, state to the courts he can come home or call him mom anytime he wants and she can come to visit or call any time she wants to talk to your child.

Did you get any visitation? Even if its just when you are at his home? Or did the Judge just say what ever the mom wants is what it is?

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2007, 08:40 AM

9 almost 10 is old enough to understand and travel by themselves. If you have met the child then there should be any grounds. However, I can't see you getting more than a few weeks during the summer or some holiday weeks. But that is no reason you can't keep a correspondence, talk on the phone, use a web cam, etc.

Tuscany · Sep 27, 2007, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

How old is the child? Can you arrange to spend a vacation where they know live so you can spend some time with him under the mother's eye? Try and force the court to have an independent evaluation done of whether the child can handle meeting with you.

There are things you can do.

Scott is so correct here. Why not go out and visit him. If he is only 9 then he is to young to travel on his own. In addition, if you have not seen him since he was 2 he probably would be apprehensive about coming to see you. You could be the best father in the world, but if the child does not know you then you can't blame him for being a little nervous about coming 7 states to visit you.

Instead of taking 2 months off your job, why not take a week off and go visit him. Start to build a relationship with him where he feels comfortable. Then as he gets older he can come see you during school vacations and such. I think a couple of week long visits throughout the year would benefit both of you and begin to build a bond between you.