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downdowndown · Sep 26, 2007, 04:08 PM

Please spend some time to read this. It has really effected me, and I need help!

I went on a couple of dates with a lad from work. I am 19 he is 22. It didn't work, all he was after was sex. I put him in his place very politely and told him it wouldn't work, but suggested we stayed friends.

Ever since he has been a swine, to say the least:

He's sent me absuive texts like "f**k off i hate you"
Turned all the other younger people against me (so the majority ignore me now)
He has actual arguments with me on the shop floor
He is stirring stuff up to others, telling them incorrect information about myself

He has formed an opinion of me to be something I am not. Basically he is bullying me, so far it seems very pathetic and I know the responses are most likely... ignore him

But its more than that, he is making me look a fool in the workplace by telling people incorrect information about me. He makes sly remarks so that only I can hear. He tells me he hates me, then contradicts himself by telling me he doesn't know how to handle women and I must forgive him because he is insecure and likes me. Yet he then says that everythin he has called me he means every word and that I'm a sick and twisted with no life and no brain!

I think I have a brain, as I knew to escape this lad before it was too late. I also think the way he is behaving is pathetic and immature, and perhaps the only response is ignore him. But its because he is bringing everyone else in that I cannot ignore it, as he is making me out as a fool.

The thing is, he said id I dare report him again (which I didn't do in the first place, our floor manager sussed us out and reported him) he said there would be trouble, and I KNOW just how violent he could get. So I've basically been blackmailed into keeping quiet. The thing is I darent go tell my manager as I feel like I should at 19 be able to handle him, and its just not me to go snitching and involving other people over something that itmy fault.

The thing is I'm a highl emotional person, I'm letting him get the better of me, he's has knocked my confidence for everythin, I would not leave the house last week. I amnow petrified of seeing lads and my life just feels like its been shredded. I'm a nervous reck and shake whenever I see him.

Please help me

JAMIET · Sep 26, 2007, 04:18 PM

CAN YOU SAY PYSCHO? Holy cow honey... I'm sorry you're going through this. Please continue to document everything that he does, and save those text messages for proof if he tries anything. You must keep your manager informed. He's basically making terrorizing threats and there might be a law that would help you if your boss doesn't. Don't let any abusive person bring your confidence down. You have to be a very wonderful lady just to have the dignity to turn him down for the sexual advances he tried. You have morals and are very wise to be steering clear of someone like this.

RaineAndrews · Sep 26, 2007, 04:23 PM

Think about it this way, he told you not to report him; which means he's afraid of what might happen; it also shows he KNOWS what he is doing is wrong. I would never ask someone to do something that would lead them to harm, but I believe he's full of hot air. If he is using other people to get back at you, he obviously can't handle a situation by himself. Being 19 doesn't mean you can handle a problem yourself, it means that you are a young woman who should know when its best to ask for help (by reporting this obvious harrassment) Anyone that can make someone stay home out of fear, deserves worse than a reporting.

shygrneyzs · Sep 26, 2007, 04:59 PM

You cannot handle him on your own and he is counting on that, to keep you "in line" and ripe for his terrorizing. You HAVE to document every thing he says to you, to others about you, messages he sends you, phone calls, KEEP everything. Turn that information into your supervisor and to law enforcement. Harassment and terrorizing are against the law. I would not doubt he has done this before to another girl.

So please, don't try and be the strong one here - get help ASAP.

downdowndown · Sep 27, 2007, 01:21 AM

Thanks guys I really appreciate the help. The reason I'm scared is yes he can't do a lot more than what he is doing in work, but out of work with his mates he could try anything, which is why I'm scared to leave the house, or go out with my mates. But thanks guys, the help is really appreciated!

RaineAndrews · Sep 27, 2007, 11:36 AM

Well... I speak out of just logic than from experience... but if you were to collect evidence proving he was harassing you, and then he were to do something to do, wouldn't it be a cut-and-dry case with the police?

Don't let what-ifs stop you from peace of mind. You might be fine (for lack of a better word), but will you be in a month or two? I say, take the advice and stop him, before he does it to someone else.

downdowndown · Sep 29, 2007, 04:27 PM

I'm confused, this guy has now over night decided to be nice to me. He said he felt bad about things he had said. So far its good he has been really pleasant, but somehow it seems a little false, as if he has another trick up his sleeve. Why overnight would someone change their mind, after swearing and telling me he actually hates me with a passion and things?
After saying we could possibly go out to town on a night out and see each other, he then asked me to go out with work tonight (which I haven't, in case it was all a joke, and he didn't soemthing) but why? What's his game now? Or do you reckon this is the nice side (Which I think he does have, showing through)

jessb · Oct 1, 2007, 10:44 PM

This is the reason I learned long ago, that you shouldn't date people at work or even just hangout with them after work. Things like this happen, if you chosse not to go to your boss then your making it worse. You are there to work and make money, not deal with him. He shouldn't have any control over that. Either tell your boss to fix it or, realize that maybe you should quit, and start over fresh somewhere else. I've learned that it is OK to talk with your coworkers and get along with them, but there should be no reason to get personal with these people or tell them any of your personal business. You are there to work and make money for bills, etc. it's a work place not a hang out place. If you do stay at this place I would take your other coworkers aside privately explain things in a nice way you did nothing wrong. Good luck. p.s DONOT GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN, NO MATTER IF HE'S BEING NICE NOW, consider yourself lucky that he stopped. Don't give him a reason to start up again. And your boss might have talked with him and now he's being nice. Keep friends and work people separate. I'm telling you you'll thank me later if you do that, trust me the older you get you'll learn

JAMIET · Oct 5, 2007, 04:54 PM

Leopards don't change their spots! Nice or not... I still smell a psycho rat!

minnie4431 · Nov 19, 2007, 05:37 PM

Whoa. Maybe u should get a restraining order on him. On wait scrap da maybe. U need 2 get 1

kiki_doki · Nov 25, 2007, 04:43 PM

This guy sounds like he's very malipulative! How can this be your fault? He has problems and you need to protect yourself. If you are scared about what he'll do if you tell the manager then I would look for another job. I know people probably won't agree as it will seem as though you are running away but it has already started to affect you at home, no job is worth this!! I don't think he will stop as he has gotten away with it for too long now and it has become his habit to take the p**s and basically make your life hell.

Wondergirl · Nov 25, 2007, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by downdowndown

do you reckon this is the nice side (Which i think he does have, showing through)

I'm guessing he's an unmedicated borderline (has no boundaries and is very controlling/manipulative). Beware of him. Document everything. Keep your supervisor informed. Never, never, never have romantic relationships with coworkers ever again.

Keep us up to date on this. Best wishes!