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rak · Oct 4, 2005, 07:23 PM

We were married in the USA. We lived in the USA for 3 years. We lived in France for 3.5 years. I returned to the US in January to find work as did not find much in France.
I have secured a good job now. My wife does not want to move to the USA but instead wants to separate.
What are the legalities--- can she do it from France --- or does she have to do it here.
I do not want the separation... we have a 3 year old.

Thanks for replies.

Chery · Oct 5, 2005, 01:46 PM

A divorce can be initiated anywhere. Is your wife from the States or Europe? You can get a lawyer to help you insist she move closer even if she does manage to get a divorce because you have rights to see your baby and should not have to fly so long to see it. If you don't have a legal separation agreement where she's the custodian of the child, you might be lucky. Please see a lawyer as soon as possible. You could claim desertion on her side if she does not have a valid reason to leave you.

http://www.mywebsearch.com/jsp/AJmai...e+legal+aid%27

Check out this page and see if you can get some online legal advice too. Good Luck.

rak · Oct 5, 2005, 04:32 PM

Sorry I changed my options for the site. I can now accept mail.
I am new to this type of thing.
My messages said thanks for the reply and My wife is French. She changed a lot when we moved to France and were near her family.

Thanks again.

Chery · Oct 5, 2005, 04:55 PM

Sorry to hear that, she will have the advantage then. Unfortunately, if you can't change her mind, you'll have to make the first move and seek help ASAP and get it documented. Once a lawyer or court in the States send her a petition and she refuses to come over and get representation there, you'll have a chance to demand more and not have to pay too much. I really am sorry this is happening, but that's the way of the world today. If you want rights to your child instead of just paying for him/her, then initiate things before she does. That's your only chance. I don't know much about the french laws, but Europe is different when it comes to child support and custody. I know Germany does not have an agreement clause legallywith the states - when I sought help the only response I got was 'you should not have married an american' , but not sure about the French. See if you can find someone with knowledge in that area. Again, don't put it off or you will loose in the end. I'm a woman and lost my case because I was not living in the states at the time and did not know that the fees had changed and got notice that I did not pay enough for my petition, therefore I lost out on alimony, but got child support until he 'lost his job' on purpose and the judge looked the other way. He was from California and knew what he was doing to 'pay me back' for leaving him. I did however raise my child on my own and did a good job, even without his financial assistance. He was a wife beater and I had no leg to stand on because I was late in filing.. So please take my advice and look out for your interests so that you will be able to see your child. P.S. give her the impression that you still want her back and don't let on you are filing for desertion or whatever first. I hate seeing anyone being taken to the 'cleaners'. Good Luck.

s_cianci · Oct 8, 2005, 07:40 PM

I presume that your wife is still in France. To find out how French law deals with a marriage that was legally contracted in the US, you may want to consult with a lawyer with a background in international law or turn to the French embassy or a French consulate in the US for advice and counsel. However, from the American end of it, the marriage is binding until a divorce is granted by the family division of the Superior Court of the state in which such petition for divorce is filed, either by you or by your wife. You don't mention the citizenship status of you or your wife ; are you US citizens or French citizens or dual citizens? Also, if you are not a legal citizen of the US, make sure you are legally authorized to work in the US and have obtained all necessary documentation or else you and your family could have serious problems in the future. On a more personal note, I believe that your wife's first and foremost responsibility is to you, her husband. She may not want to reside in the US, but if that's where you've had to turn in order to find satisfactory employment for you to sustain your family, then she just has to bite the bullet and live in this country, like it or not. I'm sure that a lot of Americans (and probably those of other cultures as well) who read those last two sentences will probably consider me a chauvinist but I don't look at it that way. When she married you and said "I do", she made a commitment to you and now has to honor that commitment. If the job you now have here in the US does in fact enable you to provide adequately for her and your child and in fact you have been unable to find comparable employment in France, despite your best intentions, than she has to realize that fact and make adjustments. Now of course this whole response is based on the assumption that you are the family breadwinner. If, on the other hand, your wife is or wishes to be the family breadwinner and is able to find compatible employment to that end in France, then you have to be the one to make the adjustment and resign yourself to the idea of living in France. Either way, both of you are committed first and foremost to each other and everything else (such as where to live, etc.) has to bend to whatever is best for your family. If the only place you could find compatible employment is in the US, then the answer to that particular issue becomes crystal-clear.

rak · Oct 10, 2005, 05:48 PM

She is French and in France. I am American. I agree with you but this is an easy outlet for her... less headaches and so on. It is unfortunate and an error in the making.
Thanks for your reply.

fredg · Oct 11, 2005, 06:01 AM

Hi,
Unfortunately, since your wife is French and has family in France, there isn't much chance she is going to move to the US to live with you.
Please see a lawyer, find out what your legal alternatives are.
I assume the child is living with her. You have to accept the fact that if you legally separate, you will not be seeing your child very often, if you cannot travel back and forth from the US to France. The child will grow up not knowing her father...
It's a decision you have to face, if you don't want to live in France.
I do wish you the best,
fredg

Chery · Oct 11, 2005, 07:11 AM

I still suggest you start legal proceedings in the States - see if it can be based on 'desertion' and get partial custody of your child and have her live with you on long holidays or even every 1/2 year. She is after all a US Citizen too. Then when she is old enough she can choose who she wants to stay with permanently. It has been done by others with good lawyers, and she might have to pay half of the traveling costs as well. It's up to you, so Don't Give Up, and Good Luck. Check all the options you can, such as checking on lawyers familiar with international laws.