[BRFCAREOK]

Does truly happy marriage really exisit?

I can see how the first 5 to 6 years are easier for almost all couples - and then the really "hard work" kicks in. So, after talking with friends married 6 or more years - I find many are just un-happy and several either cheat, think about cheating, or are ready for divorce (all profressional males, late 30's and early 40's).

One thing I have noticed is they all seem to be un-willing to really WORK at their marriage... we ALL joke about our wives and the typical "we never get sex, my wife is always right, and other stereotypes".

I guess many men feel it is easier to cheat and get that "buzz" from others. Interestingly, if they do cheat it is usually not a long term type "affair" but sex with a friend, co-worker, bar girl. They feel "good" that they can conquer a woman and flirt, get sex. Then they just seem to go home - little or no remorse or guilt.

So, back to my question. Is marriage really that hard for ALL couples? Is it meant to be so hard? How many couples are really happy do you think, 90%... 10%?? HOW HARD IS MARRIAGE MEANT TO BE FOR IT TO BE A "GOOD" MARRIAGE??

[talaniman]

Everyone is different, and as people get older they change, and good marriages are basically with people who are willing to work hard, and together and who grow together over time. That ain't easy for some who have too high expectations, or too much baggage, or the wrong attitude. People who work hard together to solve their problems through actions and very good communications, usually succeed in having a relatively happy life with each other, and as life throws those curves at them, they just deal with it to the benefit of them both, thereby allowing growth on a mutual basis. Growing together, is perhaps the key to staying together, I think as you do have to be on the same page, and be able to talk and listen, and pay attention to each other to stay close to each other. Love and commitment.

[Marily]

I am married for 7 years now and here is what I think could help marriages to last. I always try to treat my husband the way I would like to be treated, when I have said something harsh to him I always come back and apologize. When he comes from work I await him at the door and great him with a hug and a kiss. I try to compliment him everyday whether its through a text or email. I tell him often that I love him and show it in my deeds. I don't lie and hide things from him and neither does he. We treat each other with respect and try to bring out the best of each other.

[BRFCAREOK]

Someone told me that the bigger the obstacles and issues you overcome together the stronger the marriage will be. The problem is, most married people don't have the ability or energy to "climb the mountain" in front of them... so they just give up. But, if they work through the problem, together, (and some problems can take YEARS to truly "solve") you will be much strong AT THE OTHER END.

If just takes faith to get to the other end!! (and BOTH people willing to climb those mountains).

[BRFCAREOK]

I am married for 7 years now and here is what i think could help marriages to last. I always try to treat my husband the way i would like to be treated, when i have said something harsh to him i alway come back and apologize. When he comes from work i await him at the door and great him with a hug and a kiss. I try to compliment him everyday whether its through a text or email. I tell him often that i love him and show it in my deeds. I dont lie and hide things from him and neither does he. We treat eachother with respect and try to bring out the best of eachother.

Marily.. will you marry ME - haha.

[jillianleab]

Marriage takes work, and a lot of people aren't willing to work. It's not like dating, it's not like playing "house". It takes constant attention, compromise and communication to have a good marriage. I think a lot of people rush into marriage, some get married too young, and A LOT don't think marriage is for the long term. If you are getting married and thinking in the back of your mind, "Well, we can always get divorced later..." you shouldn't be doing it!

My husband and I sort of beat the odds, you could say. We only dated for about a year before getting engaged and we married young (21 and 22). But here we are, five years later happy as can be! :)

[firmbeliever]

My parents have been married for 30 years.
They have similar outlook on life and their values are the same.
They are both in their 50's (married at 19-20years).
They never argue in front of us, even if they disagree on certain issues.

They are united in their decisions and stands by it when it comes to us.
They have their happy days and difficult days.Mums an insulin dependent diabetic for the past 20 or so years and there are days when she isn't feeling too good.

They still tease each other and have fun together.They like having fun with the whole family instead of just a couple.
Some of Dads friends even calls him "hen pecked"and he says "yes I am and I like it", that shuts them up.

They are my ideal for a good marriage

Marriage is not about happiness forever, it is about growing together ,having fun together, sharing the sorrows and happiness,enjoying the life of being parents together.
Marriage is about compromise and changing along with the spouse as time passes.
Marriage is not about the hot physical relationships of youth, it is about sensitiveness to each others feeling,making time for each other,complimenting each other in the things one does for the other.

It is about loving each other without reserve and knowing and understanding each others shortcomings.

It is about growing old together and still see the beauty in each other.

[Homegirl 50]

There are lot of good marriages out there. They are good because they are maintained. People change situations in the marriage changes and you have to make adjustments to accommodate the changes.
I've been married 32 years in February. I know a couple who just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary. They have always told my husband and I "it takes commitment, respect, communication and a willingness to allow each other to grow. Deal with problems that come up right away. Don't let them fester thinking they will go away. When you become parents, continue to be a couple, have fun together and make time for the two of you. When your children grow up and leave home you want to be sure "the couple" is still there"

[cerisa]

My sweet husband and I have been married 42 years. It hasn't been all roses. We had our relationship struggles early on. We persevered, and now we do reap the benefits. We truly do love each other . We go out on dates, kiss, snuggle cuddle and he still makes me hot!

[tayl2250]

Great answer. I hope you are still very happy.