Check out some similar questions!

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 12:48 PM

No that will not hold up in court. He is trying to scare you. You will have FAR more evidence at what an abusive bully this man is and no judge would say "oh you were right to beat the crap out of her she IS a whore..case dismissed!". I don't think so. Don't listen to him he is LYING. HE is the one who is going to get in trouble he is not proof of you doing anything he is the one who is abusing you, harassing you, threatening you AND HE IS THE CHEATER HERE. What a dumba$$

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 12:50 PM

He promised me the judge will side with him... he's going to try to make it look like I was using him for his money... so he snapped!!

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 01:15 PM

I know he is a lair... he keeps calling telling me he's sorry, but I pushed him... I really wish he would leave me alone! This is driving me crazy... should I call his wife now? She's going to know any day now anyway? I threaten to tell her but he acts as if he don't care! He said I am his real wife and he loves me more than he could ever love her... he know when he say things like that I always go back to him... but this time I cant... I just can't go back... I am trying to be strong but he's using eerything he has to tramp me...

Homegirl 50 · Sep 28, 2007, 02:26 PM

No. Don't call his wife. She will find out any way, but it's not necessary that it come from you. You just hang in there. We're all cheering for you.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 28, 2007, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by kaharie96

she just turned 5 homegirl

Then I would not tell her unless she asked you about it again. Regardless whether he is nice to her or not, he hurt you and you don't know that he would not hurt her. She needs to know that he is not to be trusted.
You don't need to give her details but tell her "he hurt mommy. He is not being a very nice man so we need to not be around him anymore." Also tell her if he or anyone else hits ot hurts her, she must tell you..

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 02:55 PM

Thank you homegirl... I am so glad you guys are so supportive... you ALL give me hope

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 03:06 PM

Again the judge will not side with him. He is the one acting inappropriate. HIS actions are illegal. It is illegal to abuse someone, harass them, threaten them, stalk them. Those are all illegal. Your behavior may be morally questionable (not judging just stating) but nothing about it is wrong.

This man sounds like a complete lunatic.

Did you file the order of protection? IF he bothers you again just call the police. I recommend you get some MACE and if he starts near you spray him until the canister is empty and call the police. This is no mercy here for someone who is acting the way he is.

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 03:30 PM

Yes I got the protection order... we still have to go to court when he's served... he said he's going to turn his self in Sunday... he said he wants to kill his self for hurting me like this... I feel really bad for him...

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 03:43 PM

DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR HIM.

HE PUT HIMSELF IN THIS SITUATION.

We could stop himself at anytime. Everything he is saying and doing is in an attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you. You can feel sorry for him that he is so pathetic but do not feel bad for him. He is a pathetic, psychotic loser. Who f'ed up everything in his life by acting like a complete idiot. If it hadn't been over you it would've been over someone else. It really isn't "you" he is in love with it's the idea of being able to control someone and have that person so deeply debted to him that he can feel that he owns them. He is mad right now because you keep bucking everything he tries to put the saddle back on. He thinks he can own you again because it was so easy all the other times.

If you do not follow through with this now you will never be rid of him and yes this will escalate maybe to the point of him killing you and your daughter. I've seen that happen plenty of times in the news. Its not uncommon for a psychotic man to kill his lover when she no longer wants him.

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 04:46 PM

Have you gotten a tape recorder... are you recording all of the messages... or are you letting the answering machine do it? Also, do you have your locks changed?

Have you taken steps towards financial independence? These are all very important things to do.

Regarding the beeting, I am sorry that that happened to you. But if anything, it really taught you what kind of a man he is. Hang in there!

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:09 PM

Homegirl... he's on my voicemail... so I got him... my locks are changed now... and as far as money... he was my provider... I am not making any real money right now... I am PT getting 16hrs a week... he told me I didn't have to work because he would take care of us... so I went down to a few hrs a week...

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 05:15 PM

Talk to your company on Monday about getting more hours. If he pays your rent and bills he is still controlling you. If they won't hire you full time then look for another job where you can be full time.

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:20 PM

If your company can't give you more hours, look for a new job. From this point forward, he is not paying your bills. I guarantee you won't check another dime from him unless you drop everything. If you do that, you will give him even more power over you because it will show him that you are weak. YOU ARE NOT WEAK!! YOU ARE WOMAN!! HEAR YOU ROAR!! (you are supposed to roar now) If you don't think your work will put you up to full time, start looking for a job this weekend. Do not waste any time.

kaharie96 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:28 PM

Thank you sooooo much homegirl! I AM WOMAN! And he WILL HEAR MY ROAR! I am done with hm! I Don't NEED HIM AT ALL!! He's controlled my life for 3years... I am taking it back...

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:40 PM

YOU GO GIRL!! You can accomplish anything!!

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:41 PM

FYI: It is star here... but call me what you want... but YOU GO GIRL!

friend4u178 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:44 PM

Well done!! And remember that he has tried the violence angle and that hasn't worked , he might try the nice angle now but remember , DON'T FALL FOR HIS LIES!

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:45 PM

Now that we have it settled that you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT!! You need to plan your work... and work you plan. Start with the finances. Make your budget this weekend. With the bills you currently have, find out what you NEED. Rent, food, transportation, utilities, insurance, savings, credit card pymts, etc. Once you figured out what you need, use that to determine how much you need to make to make it. If the numbers scare you, you need to downsize. Get a cheaper car or smaller apartment. Although it may be sad to get rid of those luxeries... it is only temporary. It is better to be happy and safe in a smaller apartment or cheaper car... then to be an endentured servant. Remember, how you handle this situation will show your daughter the kind of strength that women have...

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 05:47 PM

I just want to jump in and say you can without a doubt do this.

When my dad left my mom he left he without anything. He refused to pay support and he never allowed my mother to work (he is/was very controlling). She didn't know what she was going to do. My mom pulled herself up by the bootstraps and worked 3 jobs to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. After a short time of doing that we moved closer to her family. We lived with my aunt for 6 months and my mom was able to drop one job from the regime and worked 2. My mom always says that she has no idea where the strength to do all of that came from. Because on top of all the hard work my mom was chasing my dad down trying to find him in order to get him to pay child support. You never know what you are capable of until you are faced with a challenge that seems too big.

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:47 PM

I know strength will shine through. This is YOUR life and YOU are taking it back!!