[downdowndown]

Hey people,

I think I really need help. I have never been a confident person, but I have generally always been a happy person, until I was about 17 I'm now just 19. At 17 I met a lad and fell madly in love but he was an absolute idiot and knew I could never be with him. We text for well over a year, but nothing ever happened, we never even kissed. He started getting bored... fair enough and got himself a girlfriend, which broke my heart, but nothing could happen between us so I had to accept it. I got over it and picked my life up again, but deep down I had never been happy as I liked this guy, but knew for many reasons we could go out. Then a new guy started work this was only a couple of weeks ago and he was PERFECT, we started dating, and I discovered it wasn't perfect, we were the complete opposite, I've never been in a relationship, he has and he wanted me for sex and sex only. So I put him straight from the start which was hard because I liked him,

My problem is I become so emotionally attached to any guy that shows interest because I don't usually have guys. This second guy is a model, everybody in works wants him but he chose me and I threw it away which I regret now, because after I told him it wouldn't work but wanted to stay friends, he started sending me abusive messages saying he hated me, and telling me to F**k off and saying he never wanted to speak to me again. He has been telling people in work about me, and now I have people in work approaching me saying I'm out or order, when I have actually done nothing wrong.

Since this second issue, I have never been the same, he has broken my heart and ripped my life apart. I won't leave the house, I sit in my house shaking and crying, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't know how I could ever trust anyone again. And while I'm sat here receiving abuse from him I keep getting disturbing thoughts like my brain and heart is wondering what it would be like to be dead, and I tell myself its got to be better than what I'm going through now, and I want to hurt myself all the time because I hate myself so much because I've obviously hurt these guys and everyone hates me for that, so I hate myself and the only revenge I can think is putting myself through pain to make up for what I've put the lads through.

I'm also having a really tough time with my friends all moving away to uni, and my best mate has befriend another mate of mine and rarely speaks to me anymore, because she says I'm being antisocial. People tell me to just forget the lads, but I can't they have cracked me up so much that I can't cope and no one understands what I'm going through, I lock myself away and eat, and I'm noticeably putting weight on in a week and I need to stop eating chocolate and crisps but I find it comforting.

My mum has been kind to me through all this, but there's only so much I can tell her, she is already disraught about the lad situation and I have caught her crying so many times, I don't dare tell her how I really feel and how depressed I actually am because I hate seeing her upset because of me!


Does anyone have an advice?
Please I just need someone to talk to!

[man909]

Well u seem really bothered about what he said about you I would just ignor it or talk to a doc about it. If not y not move to another area start new. Move near family and build up your life. Try to work on a career you like and make new friends.

[gallivant_fellow]

A change of scenery won't fix your problems. You could run anywhere on earth and your emotions would still be with you. Finding the right person is sooo hard! I can understand where you're coming from. I'm 19 too and I was crying today about the thought that I might live my whole life without ever having a girl I love. It just sucks.

More teenagers go through it than you think. For instance, I heard about some really hot guy who was a model. He wanted to go out with this girl, but she didn't really want to. His ego was crushed for probably the first time and he got sooooo humiliated and broken up inside that he sent the girl angry messages and vented to everybody at work.

[downdowndown]

Thanks guys, I know, I've been through it all with the first guy, and although I think to myself that I am over him, when I see him talking or with other girls, I can't help but feel slightly jealous. Please don't take me wrong I'm not that sort of person, he needs to move on and I am happy for him, but it's the second guy that has scarred me. I am still mates with the first guy and I can't thank him enough, but its SO much easier to stay friends, even if it just hello then totally blankin someone and sending them abusive messages and creating an awkward atmosphere.
The story you said sounds familiar to this situation, and from his point of view, yeah I have probably squashed his ego no end, but its not something I can feel ad about, at least I didn't lead him on, or worst of all fall for him, sleep with him and regeret it even more.
Its so weird though because after everythin I've been through I still sort of have some feelings for this second guy and I really miss him, and miss being able to see his smile (as he totally blanks me) its so hard in work, but he refuses to speak or read any message I send to try and explain how I feel. I just don't understand why I miss him when he's been so horrible?
But its like I'm losing my friends in work to him, and I know work is work, my uni and career ahead of me is far more important, but I am the type og girl who wants to get on with everyone, the thought that he hates me breaks me up inside, and yet in work he won't speak or make eye contact, yet he stares non stop at me! Its so bizarre!
I know I'm best off without him, but its so hard to come to terms with that and that is what I cannot deal with, because I miss the cuddles and miss the chats!

[gallivant_fellow]

I was talking about your situation:)

[mogoverthemoon]

You should'nt feel bad for standing by what you think is right and telling him no if he just wants sex, guys don't respect girls who don't respect themselves, believe me.

I don't think you have put the lads through much pain as such, more dented their egos, and some guys need putting in their place somethimes :),

A few months ago I tried to 'top' myself and trust me don't even think about it, I know how those thoughts kind of creep in but just try to do something to keep your mind off them, I jog now whenever I think about it and it works. Girls don't 'like' me as such so I deal with my issue all the time.

Hold your head up high and remember that us guys think with are di*** first and heads later. At some point that cute guy at work will hit himself for not treating you properly.

Hope this helps :)

[downdowndown]

Thanks for all your help guys, I hope it works too!
We were pulled into the office today and told we had to communicate on the shop floor, he gave me that sweet and sickly smile and it made me think I'm glad I got away from you when I did. People understand my story at work and see I am not in the wrong and can't believe how immature he is being over it all. But our manager reckons he really did like me, so therefore perhaps I have hurt him, but it was better to say it when I did than let it go on longer, and if he does/did like me its no way to get a girl if you treat her like that. I hope others reading this will see what some lads can be like, I'm not steretyping you, as I'm sure there are many girls out there who are the ones to blame, but in this case I have done nothing wrong. Its going to take time I know, I still have feelings for the guy and I don't know why, but ill get through it, I have to, and without your help guys I wouldn't be thinking so positively so thank you!