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Npgreeneyes · Sep 19, 2007, 07:22 AM

:confused: I have been with my husband for 12 years we are young and he's my high school sweetheart. We have two kids he's a great father but I feel we are growing distant. He is hardly ever home always has a project to work on. I feel Alone. I am in a relationship but I feel single I usually spend my time with family & friends but my husband and I only spend 1 day a week together. I feel he doesn't prove to me that he still cares. I can't even remember the last time I got flowers. We seem to be getting on each other's nerves and we talk about but it never seems to be right. Everything is getting worse faster than it get's better. I sometimes want to be single just to take a breath but I still Love Him. Truly!! How do I know that my relationship is worth fighting for?? I'm not scared of being single or a single mother I am much stronger than to let my fears get the best of me I just don't want to see a relationship that's grown so much fall apart for stupid reasons. Am I overreacting?? I don't expect him to spend all his free time with me but I feel Lonely?? I cry in the shower so that no one sees me and put on an act so that others will think there's nothing wrong only a few people really know what is going on. I know where he is at and he always wants me to be with him on his projects it's just that I am always the one trying to be with him he never tries to be with me.I can't make it right for him because I am working alone.I definitely know he is not cheating.If you have any comments I would love to hear them.

LEILA007 · Sep 19, 2007, 08:17 AM

First Start Investigating Where His Xtra Time Is Being Spent Not What He Tells U . Check It Out. There May Be Something Bothering Him. Try Getting A Babysitter For The Night , On That 1 Day You are 2-gether Make It Special Go Get Done Up Put On Something Sexy And Make It About Just The 2 Of You. Should He Decline. Then Lov Im Sorry But That Usually Means There Is Someone Else.. Good Luck

Npgreeneyes · Sep 19, 2007, 08:50 AM

Before anyone goes out to comment about cheating and affairs I do know where he's at and not because he told me.

lostlove10 · Sep 20, 2007, 07:53 PM

No your not over reacting I have the same problem 11 years in the making I have said I may as well be a single parent I live like one any way!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 20, 2007, 08:15 PM

You two are in need of some counseling. This will help you sit down and talk to each other, get the feelings out there in a controlled setting.
It is not uncommon for marriages to go through phases like this, and they do survived when they are dealt with.
If you guys can't sit down on your own and talk, I mean talk not argue and speak what is in your heart, get the marriage counseling. It will work wonders.
I wish you both the best.

Marily · Sep 21, 2007, 04:40 AM

This might sound stupid but I always try to be the positive in the negative. If he is working late, order take aways for you two and surprise him at his office, make effort and prepare him his fav breakfast. Send him nice emails . Try to communicate more with him:)

victoriashleigh · Sep 21, 2007, 06:46 AM

Ask, what have you done for your marriage today?

I could write something long, but I think that quote might help.

If it dosen't try vacation... Get out of the Norm!

Marily · Sep 21, 2007, 07:04 AM

Victoria that was a nice thing to say ;)

victoriashleigh · Sep 21, 2007, 07:13 AM

Aww... Thank you... I appreciate it!

Less is more... :o

Dennis777 · Sep 21, 2007, 07:20 AM

Hello.

Your not over reacting, your relationship is in a slump and all you need to do is spice it up. Get the fire back like you had in your first few years when everything was new and exciting.

One way I have told many Ladies about and most say it works great... Next time your going to be in public (mall, store, movie) wear a dress with nothing under it. Don't tell him until your about to enter the building, whisper to him that you have nothing on under your dress just for him. If you can flash him so he can see you, maybe take his hand and let it feel you but DO NOT let him do more then feel quickly. The idea is to get him wanting you so bad he can't stand it. During the night keep reminding him your naked under your dress. The more you let him see or feel the better as long as they are quick. If your outing is short then make him stop at a few stores so he has to wait longer to get you home and get what he wants.

Another great game is go to the lake or park where you can get some alone time with each other. Give him a camera and tell him your all his. You will let him take photos of you any way he wants to for an hour or some time limit. You don't even have to have film in the camera it's the fun of letting him tell you what to do and you doing it for him that counts.

The reason for doing the above in public is that it adds the excitement of the forbidden and gives you the control to keep him excited, wanting you much longer. If he can have you any time he wants you the foreplay is gone. Remember when you dated how exciting it was to sneak the time to be with each other. You have that now if you will use it. You said he asks you to go on projects with him, do it but make it sexual and let the foreplay work for you.

Dennis777

s_cianci · Sep 22, 2007, 03:13 PM

Leila gave you an excellent suggestion about spending a night on the town together. Actually you should make that a weekly habit. You're probably so wrapped up in your kids and he in his projects, no wonder your marriage is falling apart. Now, as another poster suggested, if he refuses to spend time with you even though you're willing to go out of your way to plan for it, then you've got a real problem that may well include another woman.

Dannnnnn · Sep 22, 2007, 03:18 PM

My answer: If you really love him, you will make the most of what that 1 full day you spend with him, if he loves you he'll do anything to make you happy and the most loved person ever, never make yourself to believe you are single because aslong as you have kids you will never be lonely, you'll always have them to turn to if you're ever feeling alone

talaniman · Sep 23, 2007, 09:59 AM

he always wants me to be with him on his projects it's just that I am always the one trying to be with him he never tries to be with me.

It not about him being with you, or you with him, its being together whenever you can. He has to work, so you both have to come to the same conclusion, and having said that do you have a life outside of your kids, that may help if you had your own interests. As it is talking more and listening, can help if you talk in the we, and not I, or me. Every couple goes through those years when they are occupied by what they need to do as individuals. What gets us through it is knowing its not forever and things will change so I hope you can weather the storm and put things into a better perspective. He is working for you after all. Not to minimize your feelings at all but that is something you must communicate the right way to your man as nagging does nothing. Maybe he feels a little neglected that you don't go with him to some of his projects. Talk and listen and stay busy, and I think you will get through this glitch in life.

dobutfulldolly · Sep 26, 2007, 08:45 AM

I am in the same boat. I am only staying for the guilt. I know he loves me, and I love him. I don't want to hurt him or the kids so I stay. But I know the loneliness you have!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 26, 2007, 09:22 AM

Plant a seed and let it bloom. Make lemonade from the lemon. Begin a courtship with your husband. This is for you too, dobutfulldolly. Go back some years in your mind, to the beginning and court him. Invite him on a date, leave notes in his lunch or on the bathroom counter so he sees them in the mornings. Help him to remember how it was. As you do this, you too will be reminded.
I wish you both happiness.

MrsFoxxy2u · Sep 26, 2007, 08:46 PM

OK honey, talk to him with total love I your eyes, and sit down and tell him how you feel lately, explain to him you feel alone and would like more time with him even if it just means watching a movie together, this always works too get out the old photo albums and giggle with each other then use your womanly ways form that point

angela103 · Sep 27, 2007, 10:10 AM

Well, I Was Told By My Mother That Relationships And Friendships Are Like Seasons. Maybe Your Season Together Is Over. It Doesn't Always Have To Be A Bad Thing. You Loved, Learned, And Let Go. And In Turn You Would Grow From That. Are You Two Hindering Each Other In Any Way? If Not Then Maybe You Should Try All Of Those Other Things First Before You Decide.

donf · Sep 30, 2007, 10:49 AM

42 years in marital bliss(?)

Over the course of our marriage there have been numerous flat spots. Didn't change what I now know to be Love for my lady. To be blunt we never or hardly ever thought about the long haul in marriage, we just woke up one morning and all of a sudden there was our history, behind us.

For us, we grab at time we can share together, lunches, picnics, movies, playgrounds.

When I took business trips, my lady went with me if it was at all possible. Once we pulled our son out of 2nd. Grade so we could travel to a 3 week school I had been assigned to. Bon got the worked assignments, taught Jim and shopped while I worked, Just like being home. For me, I got to come home to her instead of a bunch of guys that would rather act like a bunch of dummies saddled up to the bar.

For me, and this is gospel, home is where ever my wife is. Even if I was on the West Coast and Bon was home in Virginia, she was with me and I was home.

I apologize for the longwindedness but I think what I'm saying is that my comfort and strength lie in family, not others. Your husband is struggling to make things better for you and the family. Is this a short term necessity or is he a work-a-holic.

What would happen to his world if you called a babysitter and took a picnic lunch or dinner to him at work? I would also suggest that you ask him in advance to take 1/2 hour or hour break from the torture to have dinner with you. So you don't get hit with the ol, "Gee I wish you would have said something because now I have to ......."

Relax, your charms brought him into your life let them loose and work on him again

talaniman · Sep 30, 2007, 07:26 PM

Honest communication. There is no substitute

Barenakedeyes · Oct 4, 2007, 09:37 AM

Have you ever been tested for depression? That might be the cause. A lot of times, you feel like everyone is pulling away from you, but it could be that you are distancing yourself from everyone else. It happened to me. I went through a year thinking that my husband no longer loved me, my friends talked about me behind my back... I was tired and fatigued so I didn't go anywhere or do anything. After a while everyone just kind of gave up on me. When I realized the problem - it helped. I'm currently being treated (without drugs) and everyday it gets a little better. I hope thing work out for you. It's funny, in a world full of people - everyone is lonely.