[otherkat]

:confused:
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years and 9 months. He has always been protective of me, but I always thought he would grow out of his parinoia, he had a bad meth problem for several years before me that I helped him kick. This is kind of a long story, please bear with me, I NEED help! A little over a year ago we moved from right outside of Las Vegas to a rural location in Oregon. Since than his parinoia has gotten worse. He is suicidal and does not want to live without me. In fact one time when I emailed him telling him how I feel about how he treats me, I came home and he had a gun to his head. He said he shot it, but it didn't work. I just turned 21 we got together when I was 17. I was young and jealous as well, but I have grown out of this, that was me just being a normal teenager. I have a job at a construction company that he hates due to the male/female ratio, and has tried to jeopardize and make me quit numerous times. Sometimes the "Big Wigs" come out and we have to have a dinner, HE FREAKS! There is an intern that used to work here and he HATES him and wants to beat him up or kill him. He thinks I want to leave him for this guy because I went over there ONCE at lunch for 20 minutes and damnit I might as well confess I smoked a bowl of pot with him cause I was stressing out when we were technically broken up. I admit this was a mistake, but I told him RIGHT after because I felt bad and turns out he already knew because I was being followed and thinks that I only confessed because I knew I was being watched. One of our projects were finished and I had to throw a party for it and the above mentioned Intern was to attend so I told him he couldn't go because I didn't want him to cause a scene because all the bosses from Arizona were there too. We made an arrangement that after everyone was fed and they went to the football game that I would meet him and eat and than I would have to be back by half-time to serve everybody again. That night he called the intern 10 times and said nothing. He also called the office phone obsessively and my boss found out and was worried. A lot of people are worried about me because of his behavior. I have no friends up here really and no one to talk to so if you want to email me and talk to me I would be more than appreciative. I don't know what to do about him. He has hurt me sometimes minorly, choked me out and such, and I want to leave him so bad, but I DO love him and I don't want him to hurt or be alone or suicidal. I worry about him so much. I have tried making things better, but nothing seems to work. I could say so much, but I'm sure you have heard enough to form your opinion. Thanks so much

[nkychic]

Wow! I feel really bad for you because you have been put into what I consider one of the WORST possible positions. Have you talked to anyone about him, parents, someone back home? You need to (before you make any decisions) talk to someone. If you don't have anyone you can trust, talk to your boss and maybe he can help you to find a professional you can talk to. As soon as this gets out, you'll be a lot safer to leave. I know that you love him, but love goes both ways. You are 21 and don't need to be pulling this kind of load on your shoulders. It sounds like you have a good job and are headed in a good direction, don't let him take that from you. No matter what he says, he couldn't possibly love you and put you through this kind of turmoil! You need to GET OUT! This is obviously not something he is going to just "grow out of". He has a serious problem that needs professional help. Until he gets that, he will NEVER change, but only get worse. You need to worry about you. As hard as it is, you need to let go of what you think he might do to himself and get yourself straight first. It's not healthy for him to be this dependent on you!