[Inspired]

Im tired of always feeling like my brain controls me. I obsess over things all the time. I crave relationships but when I am in one I feel like I am constantly living in my fantasy world and thinking of the other person all the time. I don’t feel like I am myself when I am in this mode. Once in a blue moon I get so sick and tired of being sick and tired that my brain shuts down. I am then in the present with no worries about the past or future. It’s the best feeling in the world. When I am like this I look back at the pessimistic way I was and laugh. However this feeling only lasts a couple of days and then I go back into being continuously worried and stressed and feeling like my mind controls me. I can't snap out of it. I have tried meds but they just make me sluggish. I have even read books like "The power of now". The concepts make sense but why can't I snap out of my depressive/obsessive mode? Why can't I feel whole again? Can anyone relate to what I am going through? Can anyone help me?

[MayfairLady]

You ask 'why can't I feel whole again' was there a time when you did for a longer period than the couple of days you say, feel you have no worries? If so, what has changed since then.. can you identify an event or change in cirumstances/emotions that has caused your obsessive thinking/worrying? If so, counselling about this may help. If not the cause could be deeper. Craving relationships is something I have done myself. Looking outside myself for other people to make me 'whole' or 'feel better' or feel 'complete' or remove lonliness I felt seemed to be an answer. However I found that the only person could make me happy or whole was me. I had to start doing things for myself to make me happy on the inside.. simple things like walking, taking care of myself (not getting into bad relationships that caused anxiety) taking an interest in my family, helping other people. Once I started helping others... I forgot I was lonely and myself esteem started to climb... it was a slow process for me and a continuous one... daily. Finding a group of people I had things in common with helped to and we meet regularly and talk. Talking about worries helps take the strength/power out of them too. Are you isolated? I was.. make positive changes for yourself you are worth it! Maybe I am way off the mark here but I hope this helps! Take care

[Inspired]

MayfairLady, your advice definantly helps. I think that the root of my obesssion is since I was a child. I never had friends and instead of craving friends I would want that one man to sweep me off my feet (I think I watched cinderella one too many times lol). This goes back to the 4th grade. In high school I had a few friends and was into sports and academics, but this thought never went away. Even in college when I played basketball for my University, I still felt the same way even though I was popular and smart. Now at age 28 I am very successful, preety, and in good shape but I think my past thinking is a hard pattern to break. I am trying to get better. I have a couple of friends whom I can relate to. The book "The power of now" by toll is very good and I am trying to adopt what he says in there about staying in the present and eliminating your mind of time. However, a lifelong way of a thinking pattern is hard to break overnight.

[MayfairLady]

Yes I have heard of that book and listened to some of his cd's.. its all good stuff and yes it will take time. Just practice doing something for yourself or from the book every day and with practice it will get easier and eventually become a way of life. Do you believe in god or have spiritual beliefs if so joining a group and feeling part of something will help as you and you will see that lots of people have these insecuirites and worry about not having friends, if people like them or stuff like that... secret is not to dwell on those negative thoughts and change your thinking to something positive about yourself. Like, I am part of a good basketball team, my team mates support me and count on me because I am a good team mate. Simple stuff but it works.. I am doing it too. Believe it will work and it will!