[EtaCarinae]

I am 38yr. Old female and I currently am a caregiver for my 81 year old mother. I came from California to live at her house in Pa. to take care of her after my father died. Since then my younger brother who is 37 came to her and asked to come live back home. Everyone in my family has had problems with him. No one likes him he is a very awful person. He smokes crack and does pills and rages on me a lot . He was only supposed to stay for 4 months until he gets on his feet but its been 2 years. He yells at me and my mother and does pay her any money to help with the bills he runs up or for groceries. My mother is on a fixed income and I have recently tapped out my life savings I am currently looking for employment but he makes it so hard he is very abusive to me, not physically well not yet but emotionally and verbally. He threatens me a lot and tries to push me out of the room when I try to get him to stop yelling at my mom or asking her for money. He works and still borrows money from her and gives her nothing in return. He is making it hard to take proper care of her and she is not the kind of mother to call the police and if we said we are leaving hand he would have to move who knows what he would do to me. He seems to think if anything happens to him he will make me regret it and I am sick of it. I want to leave my older brothers say they don'yt even want to come down here anymore because of my younger brother and when I call and ask for help they say if Mom calls then we do something not you and my mom will only call to see if she can get my brother to stop threatening to smash my face in. I am growing more resentful everyday. My one brother seems to think that moving far away so he cannot get to us is the answer but I have friends here that help me with everything concerned with my mom because my family barely does. He wants us to move near him but it is really expensive there and he said well get a one bedroom apartment with a sofa bed for me like I did not already give up my apartment in san francisco and leave most of my stuff to come here now I have to give up everything like my friends who help me any privacy and the rest of my belongings just because they are too afraid to help or my mom will never say get him out. She will not say it because he will immediately start a fight hoping that we all back down at the sight if violence because it sucks too see it all the time and most of the time we do just back off for peace because he is potentially violent he throws things at me and threatens to mess with my car. My mom just don't see it that way she thinks it will one day be OK but I am falling apart I have not eaten in 2 days because I cannot look at him and he has been itching to fight with me all week and has started just 2 days ago . I just need some advice that is not just call the cops because if by any chance they let him out I will have to leave because I know he will retaliate on me . My mom won't do it because then he will lose his job and be homeless. I would just leave but I want my mom to be safe and I spent my savings just being here buying groceries taking mom places fixing the house etc I was stupid and put myself in a bad position . I know he has stolen money from me as well on occasions but I was asked to not start trouble by saying anything. I am so confused I do not know what to do everyone makes me feel worse like I am doing something wrong or my older brothers don't care anything about what happens to me . One said well if anything happens to you at least he will have to go to jail . I know I need to leave but then my mom starts getting upset. I can't take it anymore please any advice would help. Thank you.

[firmbeliever]

Until someone who can give you good advise on this site answers you.
Try this site-
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National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.
Domestic Violence: Where to Turn for Help
For emergency help: Call 911 if you are in immediate danger of domestic violence or have already been hurt.

For advice and support: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Additional contacts for the hotline:

Help through email: [email protected]
Help for the hearing-impaired: 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or [email protected]
For a safe place to stay: Call your state's branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence if you need a shelter from domestic violence. To find your state's hotline number, go to the State Coalition List.
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Aging: Report Elder Abuse
Report Elder Abuse

Any person who believes that an older adult is being abused, neglected, exploited or abandoned may call the statewide elder abuse hotline at 1-800-490-8505. The hotline is open 24 hours a day.
Abuse reports can be made on behalf of an older adult whether the person lives in their home or in a care facility such as a nursing home, personal care home, hospital, etc.
Reporters may remain anonymous.
Reporters have legal protection from retaliation, discrimination and civil or criminal prosecution.


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[ScottGem]

You need to call the cops the next time he abuses you. Have you mother tell the cops that he refuses to leave.

[bushg]

PRESS RELEASE

Contact:
Kelly Connor
Connor PR
856.223.9567 O
609.221.5785 M
[email protected]
I called the council on aging in my area for an elderly lady ( a neighbor) that her family was taking advantage of her and her income. They stepped in made the daughter& her abusive son move out and stopped the grandaughter from taking her money. Btw I am in Ohio hopefully the PA office will be helpful to you.

[EtaCarinae]

Thank you for your responses. I don't know if I made myself clear but I do not have my mother pay anything for me I pay whatever I can to help here out. I sell things on eBay while I am looking for work and work 2 days a week at my friends office to pay for bills and household items for her I do not ask her for anything I am an adult and only came to her house to take care of her so she would not be alone after my father died. I am searcginf for a job that fits in with caring for her and my savings has helped her out until now. Either way my mother is not one to turn him in or get him locked up she at times enables him but she repeatedly says she does not really want him here. I think she feels responsible in some way. I have decided if he fights with me anymore I am just going to call the police and in the time here I will try to find my mother a suitable senior community that she maybe would like but I would not make her do anything she does not want to. It's obvious he has no intention of leaving us in peace and if things do not change here I am afraid I will have to leave for my health and my sanity but maybe if I do leave my older brothers will take action. I just don't want my mother to think I am leaving because of her and no matter how many times she see's him going off on me for nothing or if I defend her if I hear him saying anything mean or asking for money or just him having drug induced paranois and taking it out on me she still guilts me if I say I have to leave. Technically he is an asult and why do two adults have to be in the house if she really wants him here I can move and come by all the time to help her out. It's not the best idea but like I said maybe if I left my older brothers would do something about it and we can get her somewhere away from him to a safer smaller house or apartment and if she wants I can come back and stay but I honestly cannot pay for him anymore and I certainly do not think I should have to live with him he is not a good person and he makes it hard to take care of my mother even if she is only in need of minimal assistence at this time. We just know what kind of person he is and how my mom will not say anything about what he does in order to not have to have any of us fight with him which is the first thing he does whenever you ask him for a share of the bills or just some board or when he does something completely disrespectful yif you say something to him the first thing he does is start a screaming fight which none of us even want to get into. He knows exactly what he does and when asked to sttop or act like an adult he just attacks whomever might be saying it to him. I have come to realize at this time no matter what if he attacks me I am calling the police on him I have had it and care not what will happen to him because he obviously has no concern about us. Apparently this was going on while my dad was alive and I lived out of state he was causing problems even though he did not live here at the time. My brothers swear he made my father sick and from what I see I believe it. Thank you for your help and just so you know I tried the domestic abuse hotline and all they could say was I should call the police and now I think when he does act like that I will. He is a drug addict and I do not undersyand whu my family ever let him treat them like this for so long but I will do what they did not and will call for help and have him dealt with.