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OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 07:23 PM

Just wondering if anyone out there knows if it's illegal for me to pack my wife's property without her permission. We've been separated since April and she has decided that while she doesn't need any of her belongings, she also isn't all that interested in getting her hands back on them anytime soon.

I am attempting to move on with my life and I'm pretty sure she's receiving erroneous advice and information from a non-legal source.

Thoughts?

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:28 PM

Maybe you should tell her that you are going to pack it and put it out side. Do it on a weekend so you know she can come get it. Tell her you will be gone from this time to this time, when you get back if it is not gone, then good will it... Good luck!

Lowtax4eva · Sep 16, 2007, 07:28 PM

If she doesn't want her stuff ask if she will send you something in writing saying you can dispose of it or put it in storage or send it to her... or whatever.

What does she say when you ask what you should do with her stuff?

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 07:30 PM

The complication here is that I don't want her in the house without me here. Conversely, she doesn't trust me to pack it for her.

Due to some threats made against my safety (which she does not know that I have electronic versions of), I have also changed the locks.

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:33 PM

Is there someone you both know that can be there with you at the same time?

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 07:35 PM

Nobody that I would trust and probably nobody that she would trust either.

It's definitely not an ideal situation and if you happen to notice the other posts on these forums, you would understand why. :)

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:41 PM

Ok, OMG... you (if she won't) need to make arrangements... have your mother, your daughter, your son, your friend, your someone be there... camera and phone in hand... tell her her stuff will be out by such and such date and get this overwith...
You say you want to move on... it is time. There has to be some way to get one of each of your friends to come together in this situation. Move on.. and do it quick, you will be happier sweet... It is time to get this done...

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 07:43 PM

Now if only she wasn't claiming to be homeless.

I'm probably just going to continue to pack her things, even if there is a law against it. I've got it all collected in the basement in one spot. I'm protecting her breakable items by wrapping them up as well.

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:48 PM

You are being very kind to do that. I tell you what, if you need to come back and talk, that would be just fine. As far as I am concerned, I just wouldn't want her lingering... I would want to move on. Maybe a friend of hers or a family member can take her things and hold them till she gets on her feet. Hugs to you for being so kind in a hard situation.

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 07:51 PM

Thanks!

Now if only she thought I was being kind. She spends the majority of her time seething at me (she doesn't work) and the rest of it emailing me and demanding that I give her money because it's my fault that she is where she's at. I've almost come to the point where I may go to court for a non-contact order because of the stress that the situation is putting on me.

I never believed that men could ever get caught up in abusive relationships until I got out of mine. Breathing again has never felt so sweet.

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 07:55 PM

It sounds to me that you are ready to be DONE! So glad breathing comes so much easier for you.
Why would she put it on you? Her situation I mean. We make our own choices right. I have made some bad decisions, I got to take the credit... or the credit form the good decisions don't go as far. If you don't help her along then she will learn on her own. Let her go. Get her stuff as far away from you as you can. You need to be able to live. If need be, I would definitely take out a court order to have her stay away... women are just as dangerous as men...

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 08:00 PM

She puts it on me because she thought we had a good thing going. The thing is SHE did have a good thing going. I did pretty much everything around the house. I went to work everyday so that we could afford to live. And now she wants to take me for everything.

She's even gone as far as tell me that she doesn't care how I get her money, even if it means me selling my body on the street, as long as she gets paid.

It's not like I make a lot of money. She claims that her illness has rendered her unable to work. If everyone that was depressed didn't work, there would be a hell of a lot of people staying at home. Myself included because I want to move on so badly and can't because of her.

(Edited to fix an error... there are no kids involved here)

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 08:07 PM

You say them? Are we talking about children here?
That is a whole new story if they are yours...

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 08:09 PM

Oh heavens no. Thank God I never had children with her. I would've had to balance that with my job and house cleaning if it had been with her.

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 08:12 PM

LOL... ok, cause that would change a lot. Anyway. What she does is her thing and you need to make sure you do yours. Looks like youa re on your way. Please try hard to find a place for her things... then it is out of your hands. As far as her "bad situations" they are not because of you.

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 08:19 PM

I'm slowly coming to realize that her problems are not my fault. Unfortunately, she has yet to take responsibility for her life because she hasn't owned up to any of the degradation of our relationship. It's all my fault and she makes sure to tell me that in almost every message.

I'm trying to make the process as painless as possible for her, but she is receiving idiotic advice and believes her entitlement (3/4) to my income is fair. I'm going to be contacting a "real" divorce attorney this week and I will be taking advantage of what my employer's EAP has to offer in the way of legal advice. I'm even going to be making an appointment with Legal Aid because even though I'm not entitled to it, I can receive legal advice from them for one hour for free.

I will not let myself be her victim anymore. She isolated me from my family (I know that I let her). She took advantage of my caring nature and I will not allow her to do so any longer.

startover22 · Sep 16, 2007, 08:31 PM

Yes, an attorney would be a good idea. I sure wish you well with all of this. Sounds like you have found a wonderful srength inside and I hope you let it shine through! I am proud of you! I have to go now but would love to talk more tomorrow! Good night for now... Start

OMG · Sep 16, 2007, 08:35 PM

Thanks for being an excellent ear!

I have an attorney already, but I'm not happy with his progress because he won't give me any advice and wants me to drive all my decisions (even though I'm not sure what the heck I'm supposed to do). I figure with a new attorney, someone who is an actual litigator, I will receive the advice that I'm looking for.

Now I just have to find the money to afford it :p.

startover22 · Sep 17, 2007, 07:18 AM

I couldn't imagine putting an attorney in the budget... that would put me underwater. I don't know all the specifics but I would try for another if you are not happy with the one you have. I wish you all the luck. It has been very nice to meet you and hope this all works out. Let me know what is to come... Hugs, Start

RubyPitbull · Sep 17, 2007, 02:27 PM

OMG, you most definitely need an attorney. She isn't your "ex" yet. She is still your wife. Is the title to the house in both your names? You need to be very careful about how you handle this whole thing regarding her possessions, and you need an attorney who will actively advise you as to what is in your best interest. Your first attorney was not doing his job properly. You are doing the right thing in finding a new one. This sounds like it is going to get even more dicey and you need to know that the person you are paying for legal services is diligently working with your best interest in mind.