[Vorenus]

Ok... I am going to write about something that is driving me crazy and is so weird and strange its unbelivable. I am a 37 gay man and in love with another man which I work with. This other man has been around the block a few times and has vast experience in life, work and love. He has travelled a lot and lives alone but has a house father away where he goes every third week or so. He has been in a relationalship with this women for years and she lives there while he is away. I have fallen for this guy and really don't know where I stand with him. I say this because I keep getting signal after signal that he is interested and wants something more. I know what everyone is going to say. He is in a relationalship already. With a woman. I know, but it really seems like it is a realtionalship of convinience more than anything else. What I am getting at is. I think he is interested, but we can't seem to get passed this initial thing we have going on. I went to his place tonight to help him out with some stuff and I really don't know anymore. Because sometimes he is swithed on and sometimes like tonight totally alofe and switched off. The thing is, and this is where it gets even dumber, is that he really has no idea that I am gay either. So you can guess how this situation is. I am sitting at one end guessing if he is or not, and if I am correct, so is probalby he. And nobody willing to take the chance and make a move. But there is really some kind of weird deep connection here, because I can't move on from him. I know I should. I mean it has been three years. But it always seems like the best is yet to come. But this is wearing me down. I would like nothing more that to just let him know how I feel and find out the truth once and for all. But I got a lot to loose. This is a small community and I got my work and job here. But we are close. I run airands for him. Take his clothes to the loundry, pick him up for work etc. From an outsiders point of view, we probably look like the best of mates, but there is always something lingering below. However, I have come to the conlusion that I am probably being taken advantage off and that he probably know how I feel and is playing me. Can someone be that evil? That's what can't figure out yet. I need some outside point of view. What is this thing he has got over me? Or what is this thing going on here?


Vorenus

[Ash123]

This sounds like wrong crush at the wrong time.

I see no good things coming from this.

WHY?

1) you work together
2) he doesn't know you're gay
3) you are obsessing over a co-worker and your work will suffer
4) IF someone "made a move" - then what? Out-him for office love, a long-term relationship? Not going to happen. I'd thank the lord I came here FIRST instead of venturing farther.

I'd cut back on errands, and pick-up carpools - as they are just a means for you to get close,
And find a new crush. I know that is the LAST thing you wanted to hear, but it's an attempt to help -

[americangayboy]

YIKES!! Being "in love" with a straight coworker sucks. I was totally infatuated with my former boss for close to a year. I was convinced that he knew how I felt and he kept being a huge flirt, so I started to resent him, but held on to the hope that it was him SLOWLY coming out of the closet. I may have been right, I may have been wrong, but either way, nothing would've worked. Do you really think a relationship would work with a freshly out of the closet guy?

If you are really that close, how does he not know you're gay? Are you out at all?

[Clough]

I agree very much with the answers above! I just would like to add that, Vorenus, how do you feel about the relationship that this man is in already? Do you think that it is of any value to the two of them and something that would be worth potentially breaking up? How do you know that he has had vast experience in life, work and love? Through hearsay from others according to what you would like to here? Or, from the "horses mouth" himself, meaning him?

I think that what your thoughts are merely wishful thinking. I would not try to second guess this man. You can't read his mind. By trying to do so, you are only messing yourself up! He's already in a relationship and has been for a number of years? You can imagine anything that you like concerning him, but I would think that if he really was interested in you concerning a close, personal relationship as sexual or whatever, then he would have definitely let you know by now.

A quote from your post:

I mean it has been three years. But it always seems like the best is yet to come.

In three years of working and doing other things with and for this person, I think that you would know the answer by now concerning what you have posted. Don't risk it man!

[Vorenus]

Hi all,

Yep, I guess I need to see the picture on the wall. I know what you mean about long term relationalship etc. But what about a quick roll in the hay. I know it sounds stupid, but I really feel that there is an opportunity here that should be addressed. Or maybe its just wishfull thinking. I don't know. What I do know, is that something has to be done about this now, and I think I know what it is. That is to move on and move on quickly. This situation has had enough opptertunities and chances without anything happening. So I guess it is just not meant to be anything. Its sad though, cause if I find out sometime in the future that he has been going around thinking about the same thing, it will piss me off something shocking. However, I will continue to see him at work thought. That is going to be a littly tricky. However, I can get involved with other aspects of work and not be that engaged to him anymore. This really sucks, its painfull and it has gone on for a very long time. And it's a shame... well... what can I say... its time for me to stop being a puashover and his "wife" away from home... (if you can get that)

Vorenus

[americangayboy]

I don't think you'll get over him as long as your are around him. I found a new job to get away from, lets call him Randy. I thought I was over him and then I ran into him a few weeks ago. I was immediately "in love" again. It takes a long time to get over heavy crushes, and it won't happen as long as you have regular contact with him... professional or otherwise.

[americangayboy]

BTW- did you get your sn from Rome/the writings of Julius Caesar? I'm currently watching season 2 of the HBO series "Rome".

[Clough]

I don't think you'll get over him as long as your are around him. I found a new job to get away from, lets call him Randy. I thought I was over him and then I ran into him a few weeks ago. I was immediately "in love" again. It takes a long time to get over heavy crushes, and it won't happen as long as you have regular contact with him...professional or otherwise.

Excellent thoughts and suggestions!

[Clough]

Yep, i guess i need to see the picture on the wall. I know what you mean about long term relationalship etc. But what about a quick roll in the hay. I know it sounds stupid, but i really feel that there is an oppertunity here that should be addressed.

Vorenus

Is this all that you really wanted out of the relationship anyway? You might know the old saying about a man having two heads. One of them thinks and the other one only thinks about... Much more to life than that. There really are things in life that are much more fulfilling.

[Vorenus]

Yep, vorenus is my favorite character in the series Rome. A shame there is a season three, as I thought I should have been continued.

Back to the issue at hand. I guess you guys are right. If the guy is interested I guess he would have been more inviting than what he is. I don't mean just like a lover or whatever, but also as a mate. I guess love really does drive you blind. But I still find this whole situation strange. Its hard to explain in words as it leaves out a whole lot of stuff and really does not give an accuate picture. But anyway... I'll get there... starting to finally accept some hard truths at the moment and it isn't easy...

Vorenus

[americangayboy]

My favorite was Atia, she's deliciously evil. Although, I like Pullo a lot too... maybe cause he's such an insensitive jerk :P

I know what you mean about not really being able to explain it. There are all of those small things that you think are insignificant but they still have meaning. And when you critically think about those little things, you feel like a dip-sh*t for thinking they were so profound.

[thanhdang]

Hi Vorenus!
I am in the same situation as yours. I have a huge crush on my superior. Every time we run into each other. I am just frozen for a moment and look at him passionately. Then I walk away as fast as I can. In my situation, he is very well aware of what is going on. I don't remember who the first one to flirt, but he DID flirt with me. I am very attractive to straight guys and they treat me nicely and gentlemanly. Maybe I have a pretty face, ladylike personality and nice body. I meet a lot of attractive guys every day... I mean very sexually attractive, but at the end of the day he is still the one that I want. I am jealous with all the people have a chance to talk to him. When I saw him flirting with other girls. It was really hurt. I couldn't even breath easily. So many times I told myself what I got myself into. I know that it's a dead end road but I keep walking. I am so desperate now. Why other straight guys are interested in me but I don't care. I just want him. Just thinking of being in his arms and hearing him whisper in my ears makes me feel I am in heaven. There was one time I pretended that I didn't care about his existence. That was bugging him. He tried to be around me more and he dressed up nicely to draw my attention. Then I asked myself if he is not interested in me why he is doing that for? There are many pretty girls in my work place... but he laid his eyes on me. But we've never had a real conversation. I guess he likes me but it's weird for a straight guy to ask a gay guy out. And I don't know if it is a good idea to ask him out. What if he complies with the social norm and he reject me. People are looking at us when he is around me, is that the reason that prevent him from getting closer to me? Vorenus I know the answer to my problem.. it's just that I can't help myself. I am willing to love in pain rather than never being loved in my entire life.

[talaniman]

Hey, look gay or straight we all fall for the ones we can't have, and must keep those expectations realistic or those fantasy thoughts fueled by intense emotions, will drive us crazy. Maybe we can't help who we are attracted to, but we can help what we do about it.

[Homegirl 50]

Work place relationships are pretty iffy anyway, and if ths guy has a lady friend, why are you even going there? If he has not approached you in all this time, he probably isn't interested. Attraction is one thing, but you need to use some sense. Move on.