[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Support your right to bare arms - wear a short sleeved shirt!

Q: Why do Farts stink?
A: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.


Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: "Dam".


Q. Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?
A. He thought he was a griller.


Q. Why was six afraid of seven?
A. Because seven eight nine.


Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other: "Your round.”
The other one says: "So are you, you fat b@**@*d"


It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!!!!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.


So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream."
He said: "Hundreds and thousands?"
I said: 'We'll start with one."
I said: 'We'll start with one."Knickerbocker Glory?"
I said: "Knickerbocker Glory?"


So I went to the dentist. He said: "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes." I said: "Say Aaah." He said: "Why?"


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.


And finally (especially for Labman and Rubypitbull!);

Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "My dog's died.'"

:D Hope you enjoyed people! Add some of your own and enjoy the weekend! :D

J

[curlybenswife]

You always seem to make me smile hope you both have a great weekend too xx

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

I'm sure I will! Aaah, the wine is going to flow like... erm... wine! Bugger! He he!

[shygrneyzs]

I liked the light bulb joke. We have a Rottie and in her stubborn moods, yes, she would say, "make me." Thanks for sharing!

[vicky2002]

I love the lab dog... so cute and funny
Great jokes by the way. They put a smile on my face

[Emland]

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream."
He said: "Hundreds and thousands?"
I said: 'We'll start with one."
He said: "Knickerbocker Glory?"
I said: "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes."


I guess this one only makes sense on your side of the pond!

Love the light bulb one!

[Capuchin]

Knickerbockers (clothing) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It's actually a USA thing. ;)

[Emland]

I know knickerbocker's are - but what is knickerbocker's glory? Don't get the allusion to hundreds and thousands, either.

[Capuchin]

It's a type of dessert, but the chap through he was referring to glory in his knickerbockers.

[benn11]

Dude, Dude stop it you'll make me pee my pants:D

[templelane]

There good read them out to my friend in the livingroom.

Don't know why I felt the need to tell you where my friend was.