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tango21 · Sep 21, 2005, 04:07 AM

Hi wondering if anyone can help. I split up with my ex 6 months ago. He finished the relationship, I did not want it to end. Since we have split we have remained friends and have continued to see each other often resulting in us sleeping together. He says that he doesn't want to be with me at the moment as he wants to be single but he thinks that we will eventually be together. I really do not know what to do? I just want him back as I love him so much but I can't handle waiting.

fredg · Sep 21, 2005, 05:48 AM

Hi,
Is this your ex husband? Or boyfriend?
It really doesn't matter either way, because I would tell you the same thing.
You are being TAKEN ADVANTAGE of.
Your ex wants you in bed, but that's all!!
If you really want to move on with your life, then STOP seeing him. You can do better, but it will take some time. Love does hurt, always has, always will, when things go wrong.
You can get over it and him eventually. For now, don't see him anymore. Don't talk with him. Don't even be around him.
Meet some new people, go out with someone else.
Give your EX a chance to find what he wants; he will have to make that decision for himself. But, give him a chance.
If he really loves you, and wants you back, he will come back to you. If not, he will go on acting like he is single; acting like a child; or move on.
Do yourself a very, very big favor; STOP seeing this man.
Best of luck,
fredg

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2005, 12:00 PM

Yes - You should have cut him off immediately!! You missed this chance.

You've put this guy way a head of yourself. On a pedestal. Happens all the time.

Your lover is only PART of your life, not your life. YOU NEED A LOT OF OTHER THINGS IN YOUR LIFE in case they leave - work, family, friends, hobbies, school, religion

I have a strong feeling you're too needy-clingy, too nice to this guy, always available to him - SO NOW HE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!

My STRONG advice is to end all contact with him for at least THREE FULL MONTHS. Don't tell him. End it!! Don't tell him - just QUIT correspondence. Iam sure you call him every day, text, e-mail - too much communications KILLS ATTRACTION!!

He is using you now, he is having his cake and eating it as well - this is unaccdeptable. Unhealthy for you.

You need to date other people, maybe not seriously, but jealousy can be a factor, plus you might find someone better.

PLUS - you need to grow up learn about relationships... putting too much importance in this guy created heartache for you.

You need to change - learn about relationships. Going forward after 3 months, be less available to him - end calls early, break a date, hang with your friends.

Chery · Sep 21, 2005, 01:34 PM

First, how old are you? Second, is this your first relationship and how long were you together? It looks to me as if he was straight and forward with you and that he does still enjoy being with you but just is not ready to be 'tied' down yet. He maybe want's to see what he values in you without you constantly being there, to be able to miss you and make his choice. And, if you still see each other and sleep together sometimes, he might realize that you are the right one, when he's ready. Sometimes those good things come to those who wait, so be patient. If you are still young, it will probably not be the last time you'll feel this way, as most young people are in such a hurry they loose perspective. All things have to have time to grow - and if you water too much, fertilize too much, etc (get my meaning?) it burns out. How does he treat you when you are seeing each other? Is it cold and calculating? Or is there courtesy and caring? If nothing else has changed except for not 'living' together you might be in the top ten. I live downstairs from my b/f and when we miss each other we make a date, and that to me is more fun than constantly being around and not being able to be myself with other things in life I enjoy and he doesn't and we don't see any others. The 'closeness' is there, I notice this in the little things he does for me unasked for, but appreciated. And I do think about him almost all day, but I can also reflect without him getting in the way - and we are in our 50's and 60's - so it can grow and continue. It's all give and take, at the right time and place for me and not getting 'old'. Maybe this is what he needs right now. Share the things you enjoy together for now, the rest of the stuff needs getting comfortable with and not hurried. Hope this perspective gives you another choice on what you plan to do. Good Luck.

Hi wondering if anyone can help. I split up with my ex 6 months ago. He finished the relationship, I did not want it to end. Since we have split we have remained friends and have continued to see each other often resulting in us sleeping together. He says that he doesn't want to be with me at the moment as he wants to be single but he thinks that we will eventually be together. I really do not know what to do? I just want him back as I love him so much but I can't handle waiting.

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2005, 02:36 PM

I don't know Chery - I think he is taking her for granted - using her BECAUSE SHE IS STILL SO AVAILABLE TO HIM.

I think cutting him off would give him the gift of missing her.

She just sounds like this is WAY too important to her and won't let go - I bet she goes running to him when he calls.

Chery · Sep 21, 2005, 02:51 PM

Perhaps, but it would be her choice to make. She does sound like she was in too much of a hurry to go further in the first place. Maybe things will work out once she shows a little patience, Wildcat. One does not always have to think the worst of the opposite sex, they are just as confused and human as the other. At any rate, I wish you all luck.

letmeno · Sep 21, 2005, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I don't know Chery - I htink he is taking her for granted - using her BECAUSE SHE IS STILL SO AVAILABLE TO HIM.

I think cutting him off would give him the gift of missing her.

She just sounds like this is WAY too important to her and wont let go - I bet she goes running to him when he calls.

We so often make this mistake. He will sleep with you as often as you allow him.

Will he get back with you? He may if he really genuinly cares for you... which I highly doubt. Bottom line is that he is in no way, shape, form, or fashion going to make any type of commitment to you if he does not have to. You need to cut this off. Start the healing process now. You have put it off for too long now.

Wildcat21 · Sep 22, 2005, 12:54 PM

YES - cut him off for now. Maybe a SHORT phone call in 3 or 4 months.

Chery · Sep 22, 2005, 02:02 PM

Hey Tango, after all this feedback, what do you think your next move should be? After all it's your life... Good Luck.

s_cianci · Sep 25, 2005, 06:08 PM

As much as I hate to have to say it, it sounds like he's just using you. He has his fun with you when he's in the mood, then moves on. He's even told you up front that he wants no commitment of any sort. You need to remove this person from your life. Otherwise he's just going to continue using you for his occasional piece of when he wants it. Sorry to have to be so brusque, but that's exactly what's going on here. You deserve to be treated better than this and you cannot allow people to do this to you. You and only you have the power to stop it. You are not a sex object and you have no room in your life for people who treat you as such.