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Anonymous07 · Sep 13, 2007, 10:42 AM

Okay. So, it all started about 9months ago. I found out I was pregnant when I was about 3months gone, and my boyfriend (the father) wanted me to have an abortion. I said no, of course. When I refused an abortion he chucked me out onto the streets (100 miles from my home) where I didn't know anyone, at one o'clock in the morning. A few years back I was depressed and self harmed and he started bringing that up saying how he'd tell my baby about my past. He even wrote it all down for him to read when he was able to! He wasn't perfect himself. He was STILL a drug user. I was until I found out I was pregnant. I stopped drinking, smoking and taking drugs. (He still does it all today) I needed the best start for this baby, and only I could do that. When we finally stopped arguing he decided to be the dad. I went to visit him then very often, even in my condition he wouldn't come down and see me. When I was staying up there he'd make me sit in a smokey pub for hours and then take me home without no food all day. I was pregnant! Come on, we all know pregnant people need twice as much fruit and veg and so so.
The next thing I know, I find out he had been sleeping with his ex (my ex bestfriend) while I was pregnant. At this point I couldn't stand it any longer. I decided to finish it. Over the next few months he tried contacting me and harassing me and threatening legal action. I was pregnant, and he was making me even more stressed.
When I finally had the baby, I decided to tell him. After all he was the dad. Maybe he'd sorted himself out. Then, I find out he wants to get back with me and be a family. I was considering it, until I found out he was still sleeping with my ex best friend. I said he couldn't have anything to do with my baby, he said he'd take me to court.
So, now I have a letter from his solicitors. He wants access. But, the problem is, his name isn't on the Birth Certificate. No-ones is. I need to know what rights I have and he has. And can the court MAKE me take a paternity test? Can I refuse?

Please help. I don't mind him having access, But not full custody.

Gregisteredtrademark · Sep 13, 2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by Anonymous07

Okay. So, it all started about 9months ago. I found out i was pregnant when i was about 3months gone, and my boyfriend (the father) wanted me to have an abortion. I said no, ofcourse. When i refused an abortion he chucked me out onto the streets (100 miles from my home) where i didnt know anyone, at one o'clock in the morning. A few years back i was depressed and self harmed and he started bringing that up saying how he'd tell my baby about my past. He even wrote it all down for him to read when he was able to! He wasnt perfect himself. He was STILL a drug user. I was until i found out i was pregnant. I stopped drinking, smoking and taking drugs. (He still does it all today) I needed the best start for this baby, and only i could do that. When we finally stopped arguing he decided to be the dad. I went to visit him then very often, even in my condition he wouldnt come down and see me. When i was staying up there he'd make me sit in a smokey pub for hours and then take me home without no food all day. I was pregnant! Come on, we all know pregnant people need twice as much fruit n veg and so so.
The next thing i know, i find out he had been sleeping with his ex (my ex bestfriend) while i was pregnant. At this point i couldnt stand it any longer. I decided to finish it. Over the next few months he tried contacting me and harrassing me and threatening legal action. I was pregnant, and he was making me even more stressed.
When i finally had the baby, i decided to tell him. After all he was the dad. Maybe he'd sorted him self out. Then, i find out he wants to get back with me and be a family. I was considering it, until i found out he was still sleeping with my ex best friend. I said he couldnt have anything to do with my baby, he said he'd take me to court.
So, now i have a letter from his solicitors. He wants access. But, the problem is, his name isnt on the Birth Certificate. No-ones is. I need to know what rights i have and he has. And can the court MAKE me take a paternity test? Can i refuse?

Please help. I dont mind him having access, But not full custody.

Like it or not he is the father of the child and yes a court can mandate a paternity test. He does unfortunately have rights. But on the flip side he will also need to provide financial support for the child which is determined by the court. You may have an argument to have him deemed unfit or dangerous to the child based upon his drug use and abusive behavior. Remember though, this has nothing to do with your ex-bestfriend. Don't make it about her. It is a matter between you, the child, him, and the courts.
I would suggest consulting a lawyer in your area.

Anonymous07 · Sep 13, 2007, 10:58 AM

But what about my past of self harming. Can that be used against me ?

LearningAsIGo · Sep 13, 2007, 11:59 AM

His lawyers may try to use that against you. The important part though, is that you've cleaned up and he hasn't.
If you haven't already, get a lawyer to defend yourself and baby.

Much luck to you

Anonymous07 · Sep 13, 2007, 12:13 PM

Thank you!

Nicole98 · Sep 19, 2007, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by Anonymous07

Okay. So, it all started about 9months ago. I found out i was pregnant when i was about 3months gone, and my boyfriend (the father) wanted me to have an abortion. I said no, ofcourse. When i refused an abortion he chucked me out onto the streets (100 miles from my home) where i didnt know anyone, at one o'clock in the morning. A few years back i was depressed and self harmed and he started bringing that up saying how he'd tell my baby about my past. He even wrote it all down for him to read when he was able to! He wasnt perfect himself. He was STILL a drug user. I was until i found out i was pregnant. I stopped drinking, smoking and taking drugs. (He still does it all today) I needed the best start for this baby, and only i could do that. When we finally stopped arguing he decided to be the dad. I went to visit him then very often, even in my condition he wouldnt come down and see me. When i was staying up there he'd make me sit in a smokey pub for hours and then take me home without no food all day. I was pregnant! Come on, we all know pregnant people need twice as much fruit n veg and so so.
The next thing i know, i find out he had been sleeping with his ex (my ex bestfriend) while i was pregnant. At this point i couldnt stand it any longer. I decided to finish it. Over the next few months he tried contacting me and harrassing me and threatening legal action. I was pregnant, and he was making me even more stressed.
When i finally had the baby, i decided to tell him. After all he was the dad. Maybe he'd sorted him self out. Then, i find out he wants to get back with me and be a family. I was considering it, until i found out he was still sleeping with my ex best friend. I said he couldnt have anything to do with my baby, he said he'd take me to court.
So, now i have a letter from his solicitors. He wants access. But, the problem is, his name isnt on the Birth Certificate. No-ones is. I need to know what rights i have and he has. And can the court MAKE me take a paternity test? Can i refuse?

Please help. I dont mind him having access, But not full custody.

A paternity test will be done through the courts to find out if he is the father. If you can prove that he has drug issues you can request supervised visits through the courts that way he will be screened and he will either have to straighten out or he will not be able to see the child unsupervised. They will never refuse a parent from seeing there child if they are supporting them. You will make out either way he will have to pay you child support and get supervised visits through the courts.