[tenoclock]

I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, lived with her for one. When we first moved in together she went out loads with her friends, didn't invite me, and often wanted me to pick her up when she was drunk, basically didn'tl let me be a part of her life. It was all on her terms, don't know why I put up with it but I loved her so mcuh and we had a brilliant time together. I should also point out that she never cheated on me or gave me reason to feel she might. She makes me laugh and is my best friend. The band I was in split up at the time and I didn't (and still don't) have much of a social life, plus I'm really quiet and shy, so when she did invite me out, I never knew what to say, whereas she's really confident.
:( :(
She calmed down a lot since Christmas, I had a lot of problems with my job and she was so supportive, couldn't have got through without her. She was really committed to me and we had a gret time on holiday etc. Then last month I found out she'd secretly had a Facebook for a month, and my trust in her just really diminished - I felt she was just knowingly doing something she knew would hurt me. I didn't tell her how I felt about it, but it bothered me and she started to feel insecure as a result. I started to think 'why am I still here?'. My career and social life were still no better and while I wanted to spend my free evenings with her, I also felt I needed a balance, so I split up with her a month ago and am moving out of our flat this weekend.

She's devastated and when we met the other night she said she wanted us to go to counselling to fix our problems, and she is sincerely sorry for things she did. She says she recognises my need for space and time but also wants to be able to give me the relationship I wanted, with a completely fresh start. She's in counselling and is recognising the reasons behind her behaviour. I love her, we had a great time together and we're well suited, but my life's a mess, I'm lonely and my career isn't progressing at all.

What should I do? Please please help.

[Emland]

As you describe it, she was using you at her convenience. I think counseling is a great idea for her whether you stay with her or not. You will have to decide whether you are willing to see if she will make a change. It's very difficult for a leopard to change its spots, though.