[OoOoSmoochienycOoOo]

My name is Naomi, I am 15 years old. My mother is strung out of drugs, she smokes a lot of weed, sleeps around and all. I was molested when I was 12 by her boyfriend. Ever since then I been living a life of destruction. I got drunk, high, slept around,had sex with men at any age, sneaked out the house, been away from home for weeks. I was once top of my class and all but I gave all that up. I only went to school at least 13 times a month. I smoked blunt and crack. I walked around with a pocket knife to hurt girls who wanted to start problems. And I got arrested at least three times. I changed up around 14 years old. Now I'm back in school; honors class. I respect my body, no longer smoke, I wrote a story and maybe it'll be published. Its going through the process.I carry school books to school. I'm always home. I have a little job at an elementary school. I don't have any boyfriends or anyone on my mind.. I changed up my ways A LOT. I just need help with my mother. Please someone help me. I now have a little sister Isabelle and she's only 1. I seem to be mommy to her, but please someone help me. I'd appreciate it.

[benn11]

Wow, this is a sad story. Why did you decide to change your life? Maybe it should be the same question you should make your mother ask herself. You are a really strong young lady and you should be proud of yourself.

[firmbeliever]

Dear Naomi,
I applaud you for making such big life changes, which I must say many adults are still struggling with.You are one brave girl.

I think your sister will benefit a lot more from your experience than your mother's help.

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This Is A War - ADDICTION
Talk to someone you trust - maybe a counselor or teacher at school, someone in your church or synagogue or your doctor. Maybe the problem can't be fixed right away but at least you will have someone to talk with about your feelings, your worries and your hopes. Just talking, just sharing what you're feeling with someone can help a lot.

There are even groups of kids like yourself who get together and support each other. It's also important for you to realize that you did not cause your mom or dad's drinking or drug problem, you can't control how much they drink or use drugs and you can't cure (fix) the problem all by yourself.

No matter how good or perfect you are, they will continue to drink or use drugs until they seek help for themselves. But you can get help for yourself. That is under your control. It takes some courage to share this secret with somebody else. But telling an adult you trust is the first step towards helping yourself and maybe your parents.

There are many adults around who care about you. Find one and let them help you.

http://www.alateen.org/alalist_usa.html
Alateen is a national organization with local chapters where teens meet to talk about how their lives have been affected by a relative's or friend's drinking. Alateen meetings can also help kids who have been affected by someone's drug use. Find out if Alateen has a chapter in your community.

Just 4 Kids
NACoA is an organization that provides resources for youth growing up with an alcohol or drug abusing parent.

TeenCentral.Net - Teen Help For Teen Problems. Log on. Work it out.
The organization's anonymous help-line website where you can share your story, get advice and see what other teens have to say.
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[firmbeliever]

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This Is A War - ADDICTION
learn the facts about alcohol + other drugs

The first thing many kids do is try to learn all they can about drinking and drug problems. Just because your parent drinks a lot or uses drugs does not mean that you know the whole truth. Here are just a few facts about alcohol and drug use: First and foremost, alcoholism and drug abuse runs in families.

So because your mom or dad has a drug or alcohol problem, you are more likely than other kids to develop a substance abuse problem. But risk is just that - it means more likely, not definitely will and you hold the power to make sure it doesn't happen.

The way a person acts when he is drunk or high is not necessarily his normal personality. You may accept the fact that a friend acts differently when he drinks or gets high; the same goes for an adult.

Sadly, when they are using alcohol or drugs, many parents do things they otherwise would not ever think of doing - like becoming violent, forgetting to feed their children, or even not coming home at night.

Addiction is a weird disease - it makes people focus on alcohol or drugs over everything else, even when they stand to lose everything. If you are addicted to alcohol or drugs, your body does not feel normal unless it has the drugs, so substance abusers spend a lot of time, energy and money on drugs.

People who are addicted have NO CONTROL over a substance - instead the substance has control over them.

One last critical fact... you are not to blame!

Kids cannot make their parents have a drug or alcohol problem. Even if you always misbehave, never help out, and stress out your parents every day - it is NOT YOUR FAULT. And what's more, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO to make your parent(s) stop drinking or using. They need help, professional help, to stop.

So even if your parent says it's all your fault, remember, that is the drug talking, and you haven't done anything at all to cause this. It's important to talk about it. After they learn some facts, a lot of kids talk about what is happening at home with a friend or an adult. It makes them feel better and may make you feel better too.

There are plenty of people you already know who would be happy to talk with you. Like your teacher, guidance counselor, a relative, doctor, coach, or your best friend.
don't forget to have some fun

A really important thing to do is get involved with activities you enjoy - clubs, sports, things you like to do that make you feel good about yourself. Maybe it's not a school activity - maybe you like to laugh with friends, or just go out and have fun! In other words, start thinking about yourself. Remember to be a kid!

on a more serious note ...

If your parent gets help, don't feel guilty or ashamed about what is happening. While your parent is getting help, he or she may ask you to come to meetings with them. You should go. You can hate their drinking or drug problem but still love your parent!

It takes time for your parent to recover. And keep in mind that sometimes people who have stopped drinking or using drugs slip back and start using or drinking again. This is called relapse, and while it is very discouraging, it doesn't mean they won't get well.

Experts consider relapse a normal part of the getting well process.

special situations

If your mom or dad has a drinking or drug problem, you may be coming up against some challenges that your friends may not have to deal with. Like:

- Every day at noon you can't concentrate on what is going on because you know your little sister will be coming home from kindergarten and you are not sure if your mom will be in good enough shape to take care of her.

- You don't know how you will be able to study for your big test because when you called home earlier to check, your step-mom was already drunk, so that means your parents will be having a huge fight, and you will have to make dinner, and get everyone off to bed again.

- You make a new friend, but know that as soon as his mother finds out your dad smokes marijuana, he won't be allowed to hang out with you anymore.

- You really want to audition for a play at a local theater company, but you know that you can't count on your dad to remember to pick you up after rehearsals, or be sober enough to drive you home safely.

- You started dating this guy, who is really great, but the problem is, he likes to drink, just like your dad, and it makes you a little uncomfortable.

- You have a chance to go on an overnight class trip for a week, but you worry about who will take care of your brothers while you are gone.

- You have the lead in the school play, and you are terrified: Will your mom remember to come? If she does, will she be so drunk that everyone will find out your secret?

planning for safety

You may also find yourself in unsafe or unsure situations from time to time. The key is to plan ahead as much as possible. Below are some suggestions for keeping on top of things:

- Have a safety plan: Make sure everyone in your family knows how to call the police, fire department, ambulance service, and doctor.

- If someone in your family has trouble speaking English, try to teach them to say something easy like: "Emergency," and the address.

- Make sure you always have extra money for a phone call.

- Just in case it is too dangerous to drive home with a parent, have taxi money.

- Make up a list of safe places to call for help or to stay.

- Maybe a grandparent, older brother or sister, aunt, uncle, neighbor, or friend.

- Memorize their phone numbers, and call them if it looks like the situation in your own home might get out of control.

- If you need to study for a big test or practice your lines, ask a neighbor you trust if you can spend some time there, where it is quieter.

- If you want to talk to your mom or dad about the alcohol or drugs, do it when you feel safe, and when your parent has not been drinking or using drugs.

- If you're nervous about talking to an adult about your parents, ask a friend who knows the situation if you can practice with him or her, to help work out ahead of time what you are going to say.

Copyright 2002 Phoenix House
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We are all here for you, if you need any help and support in going through the tough stuff.
Do keep us informed.
Be brave as you are now, you are a great girl Naomi.