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Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:32 PM

Hahaha BUT IM READY NOW!! IF WE ARE ON FRIEND STATUS, I Won't BE FINE WITH THAT AT ALL!

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:33 PM

Dude you are in friend status right now. What do you think this is?

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:36 PM

Yeah but when you say "when im ready".. like dude I Won't be ready unless she is mine.. like I want her to initiate the remedy process..

Are you saying that by giving her that contact might make her miss me more/rethink things?

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:36 PM

Also realize that you have some pretty serious relationship "deal breakers" going on. You are jealous and co-dependent. Those are the worse characteristics for a boyfriend or girlfriend to have. You need to learn how to feel happy in your own life and rely on yourself for your happiness and life not your partner. You need to fill secure with yourself and feel good about yourself before you will feel that you can trust your partner.

Working through those two things will take time. Start your no contact and work on fixing these issues. It will make you a much better boyfriend in the next relationship

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Diesel69

yeh but when you say "when im ready"..like dude i WONT be ready unless she is mine..like i want her to initiate the remedy process..

are you saying that by giving her that contact might make her miss me more/rethink things?

No I'm saying that at the end of 90 days of no contact you will significantly different.

Right now you have ZERO perspective. You are too thick in the forest to see the trail my friend. After 30 days its slightly better, at 60 days the fog is lifting and light is shining in at 90 days you are out of the forest and don't even remember why the hell you were to begin with.

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:39 PM

I hate this... =(

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:42 PM

It sucks. This is also your first real relationship and your first love. Its going to be the suckiest break up you will ever deal with.

But you need to focus on doing right for yourself right now. You have to do what's best for you. Going no contact is best for you. Spending time getting to know yourself again is best for you. Spending time working on your co-dependency and jealousy is best for you.

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:44 PM

You're right man.. thanks.. I promise ill do my best and stay strong.. I appreciate the advice.. ive been researching this topic for the past few days and saw a lot of the mistakes other guys have made.. my mom actually said the same thing as you.. my girlfriend is like heroin.. just hearing her will only get my FALSE hopes up.. I don't want that crap..

I want to stop the optimism, but one last thing.. how will I know if she wants back with me?

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:49 PM

Also its going to be hard but believe me by the middle of November you will feel so much better.

Read some of these threads. I think they will help you feel less alone:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 06:51 PM

How old are you and how long was your longest relationship..

NONONO November will be a.. both of our birthdays are then.. hers first.. I know ill give in and say happy b-day.. is that bad?

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by Diesel69

i want to stop the optimism, but one last thing..how will i know if she wants back with me?

Chances are so won't. Regardless it will not matter you are getting on with your life.

She told you she doesn't love you and is causing you the greatest hurt of your life. Do you want to go through this all over again?

If you have never seen it I highly recommend renting "Swingers" it came out in the early 90's and it has a really young Vince Vaughn in it and its all about a guy trying to move n after his girlfriend dumps him. Its an awesome movie. You will identify with it a lot and I think it will give you some hope.

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by Diesel69

how old are you and how long was your longest relationship..

NONONO november will be a ..both of our birthdays are then..hers first..i kno ill give in and say happy b-day..is that bad?

I'm 28. My longest relationship was a little over a year.

I wouldn't text her happy birthday or anything like that unless you will feel ready for her to come back in your life all together.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:03 PM

What part of I don't love you, don't call me, move on don't you understand? Respect the girl's wishes and leave her alone. That means don't call don't e-mail, don't text. Leave her alone.

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:03 PM

Wow man I really liked the second link you posted.. this website, all the info I've been reading, and you have put a new spin on how I feel.. im sure I will always feel hope, but I need to do this right, for her, but more importantly, FOR ME.. not to get her back.. FOR MY HEALING.. im sure ill feel like crap from time to time, but ill survive.. im not going to give up.. im a fighter..

Ill be on here discussing my feelings.. ill also be in contact if she calls or whatever.. I know I will initially feel hopeful wondering is going on, but I'm starting to catch the sense that it is just for HER benefit.. NO PHUCK that.. after she did this to me? NO WAY.. it will not be a matter of pride, but she needs to do her share of realizing how badly I've been hurting these past few months and how selfish she's been...

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

What part of I don't love you, don't call me, move on don't you understand? Respect the girl's wishes and leave her alone. That means don't call don't e-mail, don't text. Leave her alone.

I understand, but SHE CALLED ME CRYING saying, "oh i dont know what i did" next thing she's saying, you said you wanted to see me one lase time, do you want to see me?" this meant, I want to see you but won't admit it.. she told me she still has the first pic of us still up in her room.. then she emails me and texts me good luck..

So come the phuck on people.. it was 2 yrs naturally my heart is busted and I feel hopeful.. dammit please sympathize a bit with me...

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by Diesel69

wow man i really liked the second link you posted..this website, all the info ive been reading, and you have put a new spin on how i feel..im sure i will always feel hope, but i need to do this right, for her, but more importantly, FOR ME..not to get her back..FOR MY HEALING..im sure ill feel like crap from time to time, but ill survive..im not going to give up..im a fighter..

ill be on here discussing my feelings..ill also be in contact if she calls or whatever..i kno i will initially feel hopeful wondering is going on, but im starting to catch the sense that it is just for HER benefit..NO PHUCK that..after she did this to me? NO WAY..it will not be a matter of pride, but she needs to do her share of realizing how badly ive been hurting these past few months and how selfish shes been....

I'm glad to hear that.

And think you've only really heard from me, Mackenzie and Homegirl. There are so many smart, rational people on this site who are awesome at providing some really great insight.

As long as you remember to put yourself and your feelings first in this situation you will be okay.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:16 PM

OK I sympathize, but you need to realize that she is probably gone for good and your bugging her or trying to think of ways to get her back will only make it worse. Learn from this experience and move on. You know what mistakes not to make in your next relationship, and there will be another one. This will pass.

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I'm glad to hear that.

And think you've only really heard from me, Mackenzie and Homegirl. there are so many smart, rational people on this site who are awesome at providing some really great insight.

As long as you remember to put yourself and your feelings first in this situation you will be okay.

LOL I know I was sounding real dumb and NOT LISTENING at first, but I see that you only have GOOD intentions.. about bettering/healing me.. haha thanks! I really don't want to fall into the trap of calling/begging/sending gifts.. I only called her once.. that was it! I feel good about that..

Now the hard part.. how do I stop checking her away message/myspace? Its hard!

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 07:32 PM

If necessary delete her. You can always re-add her later. Whatever will help you from doing anything that feels obsessive.

One thing that helped during my last bad break up was that my friend was going through the same thing and we developed what we called "An Escape Clause". Anytime one of us was feeling too down or getting too crazy about our ex we would call each other and no matter what the other was doing we would go get the other one and do something fun. It really helped speed up the process of getting over our exes.

Diesel69 · Sep 12, 2007, 07:50 PM

Its just hard.. I have no friends at home.. I dropped them shortly after I met my girlfriend.. not because I was desperate NO.. it was because they were always smoking pot and I was tired of it.. I tried to hang with them and stay sober, but they looked at me funny and started to get shady.. so I said fine.. well I went back to school and saw college friends.. who I all love!. its hard to stay in touch with them though they all live at least an hour away.. I don't want to talk about it either because I never really talked about my girlfriend with them because I was private about that stuff I don't know why.. well I told one of my old college buddies yesterday and he sympathized with me and told me the same stuff happened to him recently.. he told me he would still take her back (10 months later! ) DAMN that's scary.. he told me though, ill be fine.. well he still wants her so he's not 100% is he? And he is a good looking dude! I don't know girls can really screw your mind I tell you.. I need to get out more wit him I think hahaha well there is him and another college buddy who lives like 25-35 minutes away.. we actually were supposed to go out last weekend (the night she ended it).. I didn't tell him though.. I don't think I will.. he is good looking too but never had a serious girl.. he is weaker than I am.. I don't need advice from someone who has little experience.. instead, I just need people to just keep my mind off this