[Treeny]

Hi all. Please reply with your thoughts on this subject.
We are having a debate with a friend {male} he says that love is a choice that you can pick who to love or not to love. He thinks love just don't happen that it's a choice.
I said what about if you have a child that goes against every thing you have taught him and all of your beliefs, you can't just stop loving your own child. He said that is different.
But he also thinks that you can make yourself stop loving someone, he said it's a mind set.
Hmmmmmmmm What do you all think?

[bushg]

Yes I think it is a choice. If you stop nurturing the feeling it will cease to be. If it matters I am a female.

[Stringer]

good question but da guy is wrong
a man can't stop loving his kids
a man can't stop loving his parents n other relationships
love is not a choice

You're right chiphkali, it is a good question and very interesting.

I don't really know where I stand on this and I have to give it further thought.

However, some points to ponder;

A. Does "love" for children and family possibly have a connection to "primary preservation?"
(Preservation of the species)

B. If the "A" above has any credence then is love for another something different? And possibly a choice?

C. "What really is love" has been a question for definition throughout the ages.

I'm not sure; I know when I am in love, as with my wife, but could it possibly be by choice, familiarity, emotional security, attractiveness, mutual affection, intelligence, kindness, etc?

Bear with me on some of the items in the above paragraph; just exploring.

Stringer (What happened to Da Bears?)

[cal823]

The only choice in love is whether you express it or not, and what you do about it, and whether you let it affect you a lot.

[Marily]

I believe that you never know when you begin to love someone genuinely, the other night my husband asked when did I started loving hin and I could'nt answer him, I think love is a beautifull process and not a mindset :)

[nicespringgirl]

Depends on the person, everyone's brain functions differently.
Some of them are more practical, realistic, rational, computerlized,lol. More of a "BRAIN" person. For them love is a choice. I am a "brain" person, I think that love is a choice.
Some of them are more emotional, following their hearts instead of their mind. More of a "HEART" person.

[cerisa]

That is an interesting question. I do believe that love is a choice, tempered with environment, reciprocity, morality,and other factors. You can fall out of love with parents, children and spouses. As you can nurture those relationships also.

[Marily]

Nicespringgirl we change our minds so often, isn't it better to foliow our hearts than our minds?

[bushg]

Marily disagrees: True love is more than just a feeling #1. Do not tell me what love is. Who are you to disagree with me on the way I choose to feel about love. 2# This was an opinion based question the op asked for opinons and that is what I gave her.

[nicespringgirl]

Nicespringgirl we change our minds so often, isnt it better to foliow our hearts than our minds?

Life is never easy, you got to think, consult, research before you make decisions.
What exactly did you mean by following your heart?
Some people have been following their heart all through their life, and turned out it works for them.
Ppl pick the way that makes sense to THEMSELVES.

[NeedKarma]

I believe that you never know when you begin to love someone genuinely, the other night my husband asked when did i started loving hin and i could'nt answer him, i think love is a beautifull process and not a mindset :)

If your husband started beating you would you still love him?

[nicespringgirl]

We may not able to choose all the events and situations that occur in our lives, but we choose how we feel, react or respond to them(including love).

We can choose to accept. Flow and benefit from them.
We can resist, reject and become bitter.
We can choose to forgive or not to forgive.
We can choose to love or we can choose not to.

[gallivant_fellow]

I think a person's needs have a lot to do with it. Everyone needs loving social interaction. Fredrick II, emperor of the Holy Roman Empire once did an experiment where he had foster mothers suckle and bathe babies, but not talk to them or give them any attention. He wanted to see which language they would begin to speak. All of his labor went to waste though, since all of the babies died. Everyone needs love.

Some women need love so badly that they stay with violent husbands. Other people already have enough love from others (not necessarily romantic) so they can stop loving someone else easily.

[Stringer]

I think a person's needs have a lot to do with it. Everyone needs loving social interaction. Fredrick II, emperor of the Holy Roman Empire once did an experiment where he had foster mothers suckle and bathe babies, but not talk to them or give them any attention. He wanted to see which language they would begin to speak. All of his labor went to waste though, since all of the babies died. Everyone needs love.

Some women need love so badly that they stay with violent husbands. Other people already have enough love from others (not necessarily romantic) so they can stop loving someone else easily.

Gallivant, I had never heard the story about Fredrick II; good point made.

Stringer

[startover22]

For me it is hard to stop loving and easy to love...
My husband tells me I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. It is probably true, everyone deserves to be loved, just cause they screw up doesn't mean you can't love them. It may mean you can stop connecting with them. But loving them for what you knew them to be when you did connect with them, is a whole new thing. I usually don't love someone for the bad though if that makes sense, I started to love them when the good came out... I always remember the unconditional love thing.

[shatteredsoul]

Ok I have thought about this and my own conclusion is: WHo you love is not a choice, it is a feeling that happens and you can't control that. HOW you love and WHAT you do with it, IS a choice. So, even though you have feelings and love someone, when you don't WANT to, what you do or don't do with it, is completely our own choice. AT least in my mind..

[Stringer]

For me it is hard to stop loving and easy to love....
My husband tells me I give too many people the benefit of the doubt. It is probably true, everyone deserves to be loved, just cause they screw up doesn't mean you can't love them. It may mean you can stop connecting with them. But loving them for what you knew them to be when you did connect with them, is a whole new thing. I usually don't love someone for the bad though if that makes sense, I started to love them when the good came out......I always remember the unconditional love thing.

Start: When I first began reading some of the posts I noticed your answers--the world needs more people like you and Firm. You are definite assets.

Remember my Mom? Again I am going to quote her. When I was going through hell in my first marriage-in the beginning of the trouble, she told me;

"If you love someone, you love them. When they betray you, or your love, or just do something you don't like or appreciate;"

"You still love them. Love IS NOT a 'light switch." "You need to say to them; I still love you, but I don't like what you did and how you acted; remember You earned my love; but I am not at all happy with your actions."

Stringer

[shatteredsoul]

Yes, yes Stringer, people we love aren't always who we need them to be and they often disappoint us. WE cannot turn off our feelings but sometimes our minds and our egos push people away that hurt us... We choose how to handle our love for others and sometimes it isn't always the right way. Your mom was right, you don't stop loving someone, even when they don't deserve it. BUT, I don't always give it out so openly once my heart has been trampled on.. It stays inside and I protect it from being hurt again..
So, I make the choice to show how I feel, or don',t but the love I have does remain within me. REGARDLESS.

[Michelle0410]

Let's think about it this way, love is a choice when its among, say two different subjects... You choose the subject you "want" to love, your choice right? However the other "subject" doesn't cease to exit your mind/heart (which ever you want to argue that is more relevant to follow) So does that leave love to being a choice, you had made your choice?? But your heart/mind was telling you something different!

[Bocasean]

Paternal or Maternal love disregarded, love is choice.

Attraction is NOT a choice.