[letmeno]

I don't think that it is us wanting to control men. If we wanted to control men, we would go after those spineless, needy, and clingy guy's that you SAY we loath so much. So which one is it Wildcat?

[Wildcat21]

The needy guys annoy the hell out of you.

You want to change and control the jerks - but you can't

[Chery]

I figured we'd get your attention on this one. Babe, I can talk the Devil out of his Pitchfork if I want to, because it is not always what I say, but how I say it.:p

As far as the weak ones, sorry but I'm ready to be a grandma, not a mother again if you know what I mean. ;) But still don't mind helping now and then, so they can grow up to be strong, then give them back to 'mom'. Have a Good Weekend, all of you.

[Wildcat21]

Chery - why did you stay with your daughters father? Just currious. Sounds just awful - sorry you went through that. A lot of women do that - when the 'nice' guy would take care of them and be there for them - BUT, the nice guy isn't the 'hot sexy' guy - the nice guy doesn't give you 'feeling' and you reject him - when logically he is the best suited for you.

That's why I always advised guys to take on a lot of jerk-like tendincies - don't be a jerk - just be independent, don't share your feelings, fewer compliments, hanf with your friends as well, stay in great shape etc.

[Chery]

Chery - why did you stay with your daughters father? Just currious. Sounds just awful - sorry you went through that. A lot of women do that - when the 'nice' guy would take care of them and be there for them - BUT, the nice guy isn't the 'hot sexy' guy - the nice guy doesn't give you 'feeling' and you reject him - when logically he is the best suited for you.

That's why I always advised guys to take on a lot of jerk-like tendincies - don't be a jerk - just be independent, don't share your feelings, fewer compliments, hanf with your friends as well, stay in great shape etc.

As I said before, I didn't want to get married in the first place, but during that era, it was the right thing for a gal to do - get married, since I was already 24 and people were scared I'd wind up being an 'old maid'. Then, when I was away from my family and friends and in a different country, he showed his real face. I was also taught that it was the woman's responsibility to 'keep the peace at home' so I tried that, but after 5 years, he made the mistake one day and missed me, but not my daughter with his belt, then he saw the look in my eyes and finally understood that if he did not leave right then, he would be carried out feet first. By that time I had already lost all self-respect, but when it came to my child, that was it.. I did allow him to see his daughter though and did not berate him in front of her, ever. She figured out what type he was all on her own. And a few years later, his parents wrote me to say they were sorry they blamed me for it all. Sociopaths don't wear signs, unfortunately. But that is a chapter in my life that helped me grow and seek help at the right time. There are things that I have revealed on several posts on this forum that my brothers don't even know about, thank goodness. But I know I'm not the only one that 'sh... happened to and am glad I can help others before it happens to them, or if it did, I can at least help them heal a bit.

[Wildcat21]

Yes, times were really screwed up back then - so much pressure from society to conform.

Sicophaths come across a lot of times as a 'good guy' initially to suck the lady in. It's a front - once they have you their true colors come through.

There are f-d up woman out there as well... I dated one several years ago - so much baggage - her parents screwed her up so much - divorce, father cheating, mother alcoholic, brother an alcoholic/drug user and thief. She had to raise the family. Of course she had gone through a divorce.

[Chery]

Yes, times were really screwed up back then - so much presure from society to conform.

Sicophaths come across a lot of times as a 'good guy' initially to suck the lady in. It's a front - once they have you their true colors come through.

There are f-d up woman out there as well....I dated one several years ago - so much baggage - her parents screwed her up so much - divorce, father cheating, mother alcoholic, brother an alcoholic/drug user and thief. She had to raise the family. Of course she had gone through a divorce.

Yup, we all have those 'ol scars' and not just for playing football, or getting 'tennis arm'. Ain't life Grand?

[Wildcat21]

Sometimes I wonder and I have a great life!

My current gal of course went through a divorce. My sister went through a nasty divorce. 55% of ALL marriages end in divorce. 70% + of second marriages end up in divorce.

90% of divrocees... end up marrying AGAIN! Why??

Things change so much when you marry.

[Chery]

We make our beds... you know the rest. Sometimes a change of furniture is necessary though for safety purposes.

[one_life]

I like the way chery and wildcat go back at each other. Really pleasant. Anyway getting back to me, since I'm the one in need here for advise (lol).

But seriously now, I have a feeling that my ex and that other guy I talked about earlier started up a secret relationship. The other guy works a floor below us. He used to quite frequently come up stairs to our floor to say hello to her and everybody else, but paid particular attention to my ex, but now he doesn't do that anymore. But today, when I was leaving for my break, I happen to see them together getting coffie. They were surprised to see me, like I caught them red handed (it was a akward feeling). Also Today, when I was leaving work at the end of my shift, I happen to cross paths with the guy, and usually we exchange greetings, but today he avioded all eye contact with me. I'm sure he saw me and pretented he did not. Just to let you know, there is no policy against dating co-staff in our company.

Trust me I'm not paraniod or anything, but there is something going on.
I just have to say, that it is just wrong and sneeky. She left me, and she is allowed to date who the hell she wants(it will hurt but I have to accept it). She knows I have good instincts about these things, why even try to hide it. Its useless. What's also wrong is the way she lead me on.
I just feel like not talking to her anymore and just ignoring her. But I think that will just make me look like sour grapes.

[clukkes]

I don't ignoring her and stuff would give her sour grapes..

The bottom line is that you two are broke up now. If you think she dating this guy just ask her and get it over with. I'd would whether know than not to know and who knows maybe thisis the closure you need.

[letmeno]

I think the best thing to do is to be cordial. Speak when you see her, be polite and courtious.
Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?
She may or may not be dating the guy, but something is going on. For him to be avoiding you the way that he is, my guess would be that she has provided all of the information about you two's past relationship.
Asking her (to me) would give her the impression that you care. I really wouldn't think of giving her the satisfaction that I gave a care as to who it was that she was dating. She got one over on you, don't give her the chance to rub salt in the wound.
We try so hard to try and read between the lines that we fail to see the big bold writing that is on the wall's.
Cut this off immediately.

[Chery]

I think the best thing to do is to be cordial. Speak when you see her, be polite and courtious.
Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?
She may or may not be dating the guy, but something is going on. For him to be avoiding you the way that he is, my guess would be that she has provided all of the information about you two's past relationship.
Asking her (to me) would give her the impression that you care. I really wouldn't think of giving her the satisfaction that I gave a care as to who it was that she was dating. She got one over on you, don't give her the chance to rub salt in the wound.
We try so hard to try and read between the lines that we fail to see the big bold writing that is on the wall's.
Cut this off immediately.

This is correct. The only 'sour' taste you have is in your mouth, because she and he have 'tasteless' behaviour. It's time now to change your way of thinking and go on with your life. Say a 'hi' to both every now and then, but keep going after that. Don't let on that it still hurts, you've been paying too much attention to what they are doing instead of looking ahead and doing your job. Don't you think others in the company notice all this crap too? Show them all that you are a better man and start up with someone else, even if it is just joking around with the guys, or making compliments to the other girls. I'm sure you did not act this way before she started working there, so clean up your act. Put this all in a drawer and do what you are being paid for and that's not constantly thinking what if's. If is the biggest little word in the dictionary and has no more place in your new vocabulary. Look for a more positive word and a more positive attitude or your job just might be at risk not to mention your mental health. Tell someone you know who likes to 'spread the word around' that you found a nice girl in a forum and you hit it off so well that you can't wait to meet her, stay at your desk and write immaginary letters to 'her' during your break, even if it's just wrting down what you are going to keep us posted on. That will get your head straight and save 'face' at work too. Think positive and look ahead now or you'll go nuts and she's not worth that! - it's that time.. Good Luck, and do keep us posted.

[Chery]

If regrets that you were not the one breaking it is the only factor that is distracting you from doing a good job and letting things go, then you've got an ego problem that you should also work on. So what if she broke with you first, as long as you learned something and move on.

[Wildcat21]

I am not sure she is seeing this guy. From what you have told me he seems to be attracted to her. It's sounds like he is in the friends zone and is too much of dumbass to figure that out.

Woman know almost instantly (not always) if a guy is a lover or just a friend. She would have been all over him if she liked him.

She may just enjoy the attention this guy gives her but has no romantic interest. She even could be using him to get you jealous.

REMBER always - you think in logic - woman don't. You see them together and assume the worst.

This guy is an insecure dumbass also if he can't keep being cordial/friend with you. WHY would he care what you think??

[Chery]

I'm done with this one. I hate going around in circles, it gets one nowhere quick...

[one_life]

I'm done with this one. I hate going around in circles, it gets one nowhere quick...

Bye chery, Thanks for all the advise. I hope wildcat did not get to you too much lol.

[Chery]

Dear one_life, it's not Wildcat, I can handle him. You are the one going around in circles and it's a waste of your valuable time. Believe me I know how short and painful life can be, and I hate to see young and healthy people like you waste it before it even gets started being interesting and fun. You need to strive for a greater goal and stop living in the past, so go for it. Consider yourself spanked by and old lady right now. And stop dwelling and wondering!

[jeffatl]

Rarely if ever tell a woman how you feel. AGAIN - I know the ladies will be all mad at me - but's true. Woman DON'T want the weak senistive man. Woman WILL always tell what they prefer.....but it never matters - it's how they feel - AND if you make them feel as if you're weak, you are of no value to them. Woman want the mystery.

"feelings more then logic" - all women are this way - when they get a little older they use some logic.

You're handling it right.

See - to get a lover back you can never force and try to convince them to come back.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sense! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5... well... 3 years, I still love her with all my blah... blah... blah. I don't know if I blew it already, but every time I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I don't think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you don't let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but don't give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see what's out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really don't think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I don't think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy.

[Wildcat21]

It is great advice I've spent ten years learning gall this stuff.

A lot of times you don't want them back. You like the idea of a relationship... but in reality not really with them because of baggage or games or what ever.

YOU CAN NEVER CONVINCE SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU. You have to show it - don't say. Don't be needy or desperate.