[Maggie83]

Yeah I have been totally focused on her, I've been doing things in the hope I'll get a reaction... I won't.

Well me and my friends are going to book a holiday in the next few weeks and I'm going to go to the music festivals this year.. I went last year but she came and I spent half my time babysitting her and her friend! So I have a few things to look forward to, I love photography and I'm going to get more into that, I just need a new camera first!

[vivia12]

That's great you're doing things for yourself, I need to also,its just difficult

[vivia12]

I was just wondring, I may have done something dumb today
I e-mailed an msn news story simultaneoulsy to 3 people including,the X whom I have not been in contact for many months now.
Thing is he told me before he doesn't check that e-mail account regularly, but I'm sure when he logs in he'll see my name,along with that story and w/other friends e-addresses.
did I actually break NC and in need of walk around with the Scarlet letter
for breaking NC?
I was actually going to send that multiple e-mail after the presidential election and this is the first time I've done this, I won't do this anymore.
I bow my head in shame,now one of my friends in the e-mail is reading gme the riot act for doing that,and rightly so.


What do I do, Anyone's opinion? Advice,including bringingthe scarlet paint so I can hold up like hester Prynne?
feel awful

[DrJ]

Yes, you technically did.

You better pray and pray HARD for forgiveness! ;)

What do you do? Well, there is nothing you can do unless you try to hack his email account and delete the email before he sees it.

Opinion? Its probably not a very big deal. Hopefully, he sees it as an accidental mass-email and disregards... BUT, if he is wanting contact, he may use it to open the lines of communication.

Advice? Delete him from your address book to keep it from happening again.

[vivia12]

Yes I now bow my head down with shame
I since deleted him but I memorize his address,
I'll just keep mum for good
Breaking NC is scary and does putyou in a vulnerable position
'i was hoping I got a failure delivery
I'll take the red paint,
Have to joke abou tthis somehow.

[DrJ]

After many months, you will probably be okay.

I don't know exactly what the general "rules" are with NC... but for me, I like to continue friendships with all of my ex's. I am actually either friends or at least on a civil speaking level with every girl that I have ever gone out with... at least the ones that I still see/run into.

So, if you are not opposed to that, maybe this will be a good thing. It's been so long that maybe the two of you will be able to overcome the need for NC and connect on a friendship level?

I think that is a valuable thing to do in life... you shouldn't live your life afraid or awkward with people or ex's

[Fr_Chuck]

Best point going forward, delete him from the mail list

[Witchywoman1212]

Best point going forward, delete him from the mail list

Pray for Vivia father chuck!

[vivia12]

Hey Dr.jizzle
Well certainly after my posts,believe me whe're not frinds,not after the way he treated me and it ended badly
But you're right though,maybe that's my way of letting bygones be bygones
Also I tried to hack his e-mail acct to erase it,
Not that I had his password anyway,but I did follow your advice
It won't happen again,look ow awful I felt even with that

[DrJ]

Yes, better to let bygones be bygones rather than spending your life with grudges. People can act real sh*tty to each other.. especially when love is involved.

But to be the better person, regardless how difficult it is, it is always best to get past it, accept that, while they are not the best person for you, they are still a person. We all make mistakes.

The tricky part is to do so without giving in to them again. Stay strong. ;)

(Even though it's not the "right" thing to do, I would have tried to hack their email also lol)

[vivia12]

Yes, better to let bygones be bygones rather than spending your life with grudges. People can act real sh*tty to each other.. especially when love is involved.

But to be the better person, regardless how difficult it is, it is always best to get past it, accept that, while they are not the best person for you, they are still a person. We all make mistakes.

The tricky part is to do so without giving in to them again. Stay strong. ;)

(Even though it's not the "right" thing to do, I would have tried to hack their email also lol)

I appreciate your responses/insight
What do you mean by not giving in to them again? Do you mean contacting?
Yes,he did act real crappy verbally insulting me via e-mail which I didn't bother to reply
To this day I regret not telling him off,even if everyone told me to ignore him
Ffelt I never had closure, I giess by sending that chain mail I wanted in a way to show him he didn't bother me,(although he did)
Not sure if he gotten it or not,but I'm notgoing to be dumb enough to do it again
I won't lie I wish he did contact me so I can finally let him have it after all this time!

[brkfstatiffs]

I don't think it's a big deal. It happened, so what. Stop thinking about it. He will get the email and see it was casual. He will either not reply to it all, since a lot of people don't even take the time to look at mass emails/forward... or he might reply with something simple. If he does, I wouldn't read into it too much. But honestly, it sounds like you want him to reply deep down, or else you wouldn't have taken the time to post about it.

[DrJ]

I appreciate your responses/insight
what do you mean by not giving in to them again? do you mean contacting?
yes,he did act real crappy verbally insulting me via e-mail which i didnt bother to reply
to this day i regret not telling him off,even if everyone told me to ignore him
ffelt i never had closure, i giess by sending that chain mail i wanted in a way to show him he didnt bother me,(although he did)
not sure if he gotten it or not,but i'm notgoing to be dumb enough to do it again
i wont lie i wish he did contact me so i can finally let him have it after all this time!

Not to lump you in with the majority of people... or can I even say "girls", but typically when there is a situation like this (abusive boyfriend, abrupt ending, caring girlfriend, etc.) they recommend NC.. that is because love can be a tricky thing. We may know that a certain someone isn't right for us but we still have these strong feelings deep down for them, regardless of how they treated us. So making contact can be tricky. I have to admit, I have re-hooked up with a few girls with the original intent of just becoming friends. But, in the wrong place and the wrong time, those old feelings can become overwhelming.

So what I mean about not giving in to them is exactly that. I don't know how old you are or if you were sexually active with him or even close but you will want to be aware of that. It can be easy to suddenly desire that again. We, as humans, typically have a strong desire to be loved, held, cared for... which is why you see so many people that stay in abusive relationships.

And closure is a big thing. It seems apparent that the lack of closure is eating at you a bit on the inside. Closure usually requires confrontation.. confrontation requires strength... strength requires mental awareness. You need to be aware of the situation with him, with yourself, with your future and your intentions so that you can be strong enough to confront him and gain closure on the situation.

This is coming from a male perspective and something that I strive for in my own life. Proceed with caution and do ready for things to not go right. Even though this is still how I approach these situations, I have had plenty of bad experiences from it. :D But I am not afraid to fall... and neither should you be ;)

[vivia12]

Not to lump you in with the majority of people... or can I even say "girls", but typically when there is a situation like this (abusive boyfriend, abrupt ending, caring girlfriend, etc.) they recommend NC.. that is because love can be a tricky thing. We may know that a certain someone isn't right for us but we still have these strong feelings deep down for them, regardless of how they treated us. So making contact can be tricky. I have to admit, I have re-hooked up with a few girls with the original intent of just becoming friends. But, in the wrong place and the wrong time, those old feelings can become overwhelming.

So what I mean about not giving in to them is exactly that. I dont know how old you are or if you were sexually active with him or even close but you will want to be aware of that. It can be easy to suddenly desire that again. We, as humans, typically have a strong desire to be loved, held, cared for... which is why you see so many people that stay in abusive relationships.

And closure is a big thing. It seems apparent that the lack of closure is eating at you a bit on the inside. Closure usually requires confrontation.. confrontation requires strength... strength requires mental awareness. You need to be aware of the situation with him, with yourself, with your future and your intentions so that you can be strong enough to confront him and gain closure on the situation.

This is coming from a male perspective and something that I strive for in my own life. Proceed with caution and do ready for things to not go right. Even though this is still how I approach these situations, I have had plenty of bad experiences from it. :D But I am not afraid to fall... and neither should you be ;)

I apreciate your guy perspective,really:) but one question,you say closure requires strength,and awareness,well how do I get that if I'm not in contact w/him or he' not contacting me?
lol, I should send another chain email with Yahoo news of the day and by the way x you're a jerk, anyone who agrees say I.
but either than that, I' m not sure how to do, this unless I break NC.Also you said I should be strong when/if confronation happens,
I don't doubt he'll come back w/more insultshis was more of an emotional attachment,didn't get busy w/him,he lives far away
BRKstatiff, the reasoni'm worried about it because I think broke NC after all these months I didn't expect any replies

[DrJ]

i apreciate your guy perspective,really:) but one question,you say closure requires strength,and awareness,well how do i get that if i'm not in contact w/him or he' not contacting me?

Are you asking how you get closure or how you get strength/awareness... if you're not in contact with him?

First, you shouldn't rely on him, or anyone else for that matter, to gain strength or awareness. That comes from within. You need to deal with the things, whether good or bad, inside yourself in order to find out where you stand. If you don't feel that you are strong enough yet to confront him, then don't. It is kind of like rehab. A lot of places tell you to just stay away from your addiction forever... that way you won't ever make the mistake of doing whatever it is again. But REAL rehab will teach you to overcome your addiction.. to gain the strength you need to be able to say no, not matter the time or place. Once you have this kind of strength, this kind of conviction, you can walk through life fearless... you won't be afraid of running into him at the store or somewhere worse.. because you now possess the power to overcome whatever hold he had on you originally.

lol, i should send another chain email with yahoo news of the day and btw x youre a jerk, anyone who agrees say I.

Haha... if you do, I better be on that chain! Lol

but either than that, i' m not sure how to do, this unless i break NC.Also you said i should be strong when/if confronation happens,
i dont doubt he'll come back w/more insultshis was more of an emotional attachment,didnt get busy w/him,he lives far away
BRKstatiff, the reasoni'm worried about it because i think broke NC after all these months I didnt expect any replies

NC is not an infinite rule. Eventually, everyone will have to give it up... eventually. We cannot go around for the rest of our lives worried about breaking NC with every ex we have ever had. I live in a small town where that isn't even possible!

NC is only needed for as long as it takes you to gain that conviction I mentioned above. Once you are in full control over yourself once again, who cares if you break NC?

:cool:

[MsJulia]

Quick question. What does NC mean?

[vivia12]

Quick question. What does NC mean?

Hi ma Julia,
It means no contact, the rule I don't contact your ex,especially after they give the shaft, try your best keep away from them.

Dr. Jizzle, I like your name-

So you mean,once I feel better,contact him and let him have it? In a way wouldn't that mean that I'm still bothered by him
What really bugs me is the fact he didn't make an effort to contact me at all,
So trying to contact him I feel,maybe now.. is sort of chasing after him
Maybe that mail I sent,was my half hearted attempt to contact him
But its true, I was in addicted to him or let him have ahold on me,
That's why I panicked even after I did that chain mail,
Imagine if I sent one to him dirextly, I know I'll feel awful
Because in a sense,he ditched me treated me like a Creole plantation house slave
With his verbal abuse,here I'm back going for more
I really would like to have the last word one day, maybe one day it will happen
But then I'd have to ctually get in touch with him if that's what you are really suggest
You make it sound so easy,haha.
I appreciate what you said about acquiring the strength within,so true
Sure I'll count you in if I do send that chain mail letting him know he's a jerk,and if everyone agrees,just kidding, woulnt do that.

[DrJ]

A Creole plantation house slave? Hahhaha Who ARE you?

No, I don't mean to suggest that you make any attempts to contact him. And if you do, do NOT try to "let him have it"... that would only show him that he still has something over you. But from the sounds of it, he may not even be worth retaining a friendship for, as I had previously suggested.

From here, it sounds like its best to let it go. He is deleted from your address book so no more mishaps. That part of you that still wants to let him have it will be best satisfied when he happens to run into you, only to see that you have moved on and are a better person for it... and you no longer want/need/desire ANYTHING from him.

Be careful though, because this is where he will try to reconnect with you. But you are too powerful to let that happen so you would simply brush him off and go about your business... as he sits there and watches you walk away lol

[BMI]

Oh Vivia.

I too considered sending a chain mail to an ex, I figured she would think I just sent it to everyone without thinking. The real reason was to get her attention and find out that if she did want to speak to me now is her chance.

Your just as guilty as I was. Also, your write up suggests you are still harboring some deep resentment and need this guy to miss you.

I know it sounds harsh but reality is important, HE did not attempt this with you, he attempted nothing. Means he may well have moved on to life post-you. If he does miss you he certainly has not deceided to act upon it like you have.

Best case is he ignores or does not see it. I really do not think your ready for contact with him, this has been quite some time over this guy no?

Don't feel too bad, obviously I andothers did it too. However, your hunting this guy to have him admit he misses you or something and no proof exists that he does.

Hope it helps.

[HistorianChick]

I agree with the above posters, delete his contact information from your email address book. That way you won't make this mistake in the future.

Pass this off as an "oops." Don't dwell on it. Don't try to explain it to him or "hack into his account"... it was a simple mistake.

Keep moving forward!