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sarah896 · Sep 16, 2005, 11:39 AM

I have a very disturbing nervousness problem, whenever I am going for an interview,presentation,speeches, my hands start trembling, and I can't breathe properly,I feel like my airway is constricted.. sometimes,even my legs tremble.I have really tried to overcome this,but this just happens anyway. I know it all is because of nervousness, how can I stop this from happening again? I am otherwise quite confident,but it really reflects badly on my career. Should I take some classes for confidence,public speaking?

Chery · Sep 17, 2005, 05:07 AM

Hi, it sounds like you have an anxiety problem here. If you can see a therapist or join a group like Toastmasters. But first try and find out when this all started and why - you had a trauma at some time in your life and can't forget it - it needs to be worked out. You could also begin by practice interviews and/or presentations with a family member or friend who is a little more confident than you are and get pointers, or if you have a video camera, practice in front of it and see your weak points if you want to do it alone. I hope I was able to help a little. Please let me know how it works out. Good Luck.:)

ranieri · Sep 17, 2005, 08:50 AM

Im reluctant to give you this advice since you didn't post it in a different forum. But here goes.
You can read people, you can pick up on their thoughts. And you make yourself vulnerable being in front of them. So you really pick up on them. You are rather good. You pick up on something and BANG you know it you are right you are dead on. You get yourself in arguments and you swear you know what is up or going on. And the people you are involved with swear that you don't know what you are talking about stop listening to them. YOU KNOW!
As to speaking in public. You need to ask the otherside (spirits, your relatives and friends of family that have passed) to only give you this information if you can use it, if it is of value for you to know right at this time of your speaking. If their info is not important to your speech then ask them to shut up and stop revealing to you info that makes you nervous or self conscious. They reveal that people are indeed checking you out for whatever reason and it makes you nervous. This was the reason for you being shy growing up also.
Before you walk in the building you are to speak in. Pray to the guardian spirit of the building and ask for this blessing.
Before you get off the elevator or enter the room, remind everyone again on the otherside to be quiet for the duration of you talk. In a prayer form. Peace ranieri

sarah896 · Sep 17, 2005, 10:58 AM

Thanks, I really want to get rid of this anxiety problem of mine. Its really disturbing. Maybe as you say , this originated from my childhood when I went to one particular interview for a school rep, and everything got messed up in my head and I couldn't utter one word bcos I was so anxious. I had never cried so much as I cried when I came back from that interview. Rest after that is history. I have reached a point where I refuse to go for any presentations and interview because I feel horrible when I mess it all up.I have my elder sisters in my family who are anything but underconfident. They are achievers in their fields and I to want to be like them. The whole thing is that I can't ask them to help me because it will only ridicule me further. Don't get me wrong,I love them a lot but I just can't go to them for help. The only silver lining in this cloud is that I really want to improve myself and get out of this. I just haven't found a way. I am scared to go the public groups bcos I am not sure how the people would response, I can't take ridicule anymore. :(

Originally Posted by Chery

Hi, it sounds like you have an anxiety problem here. If you can see a therapist or join a group like Toastmasters. But first try and find out when this all started and why - you had a trauma at some time in your life and can't forget it - it needs to be worked out. You could also begin by practice interviews and/or presentations with a family member or friend who is a little more confident than you are and get pointers, or if you have a video camera, practice in front of it and see your weak points if you want to do it alone. I hope I was able to help a little. Please let me know how it works out. Good Luck.:)

Chery · Sep 17, 2005, 01:39 PM

Dear sarah, don't give up on yourself, like I said, you can do this, but it will take time. Just look at how long you've been carrying this 'load' around with you.. If your family does not work, then look for a friend who's constructive criticisism you can handle and stage some interviews. There should also be a therapist or two around that specialize in anxiety - go for it, please. You have the intelligence and ability, just waiting to come out, but get rid of the block first. Email me if you get anxious or if you are on Yahoo, we can even chat sometime, so I'll be there for you, unfortunately not close enough in person since I live in Germany, but I'll be there nonetheless. Chery. ;)

sarah896 · Sep 17, 2005, 07:46 PM

Dear chery,thanks a ton for your understanding. Today, I relised how much lighter you feel when even a single person understands what's going on with you. My family is so perfect that it will break them if they realise that I am so underconfident in reality, my mom anyway thinks I am a NOBODY in comparison with my two other sisters(even though she loves me a lot), and that's why even though I really want to seek their help,I can't do it.I would really like to improve myself on my own and prove it to her that I can be an even better achiever than other two. Most of what I am lacking is my confidence level, I am ready to break from this shell now. If needed, I should even join some group.. do you think they would be friendly enough and not ridicule me for everything?

Originally Posted by Chery

Dear sarah, don't give up on yourself, like I said, you can do this, but it will take time. Just look at how long you've been carrying this 'load' around with you.. If your family does not work, then look for a friend who's constructive criticisism you can handle and stage some interviews. There should also be a therapist or two around that specialize in anxiety - go for it, please. you have the intelligence and ability, just waiting to come out, but get rid of the block first. Email me if you get anxious or if you are on yahoo, we can even chat sometime, so I'll be there for you, unfortunately not close enough in person since I live in Germany, but I'll be there nontheless. Chery [email protected]. ;)

Chery · Sep 18, 2005, 04:23 AM

Dear Sarah, I am 54 and all the time while my mother was alive, I always tried to please her, nothing worked, I have two brothers who she did everything for and they are a little 'messed' up. But since I was only a 'girl' I was never important to her and never did anything right, not even push a broom correctly, if you know what I mean. I never got any positive feedback, or an 'I'm proud of you" from her, even though I tried so hard. I went to therapy and finally realized that I needed feedback, but not from her and that she'd never change, no matter what I did. So I went along on my own, got my confidence through work and my other family members and friends. You can't change other people, just yourself and the way you see and feel about yourself only. So stop trying to please others, please yourself and just plain 'don't care what she thinks' anymore. And just beause she acts that way toward you does not mean that strangers in a group with the same problems, or other problems will berate you for what you are. Show yourself! Join a group, you can always leave, but you gain nothing by not taking a step or two. Look what this little forum did... you found at least one or two people who know what you are going through, and a group can do the same for you. Try it. It's better than what you are going through right now! We all need help of some kind and you took the firt step here, so take another, and another, on the road to confidence. When you've taken your second step, let me know how it felt. You will never forget the past, but don't dwell on it, and see your positive points. I have a great daughter and friends who love to be with me because of me, not of what my mother wanted me to be, but I still sometimes drop into sadness over my past - but only to work on myself further. You CAN do it. Like I said before, write me any time and we'll 'chat' further. Good luck on your second step dear.

Chery · Sep 18, 2005, 04:33 AM

Sarah, just wanted to let you know that I am in the process of changing Internet Providers next week, depending on how long it takes, I might not be online for a while, but you can PM me, I'll still be here...

fredg · Sep 18, 2005, 07:27 AM

Hi, Sarah,
The nervousness you are talking about could very well be me, too!
Another answer said to talk with others before your interview, such as have a nice talk with others waiting for the interview, etc. It helps get your mind off being nervous.
My own being nervous has never gone away completely. The best thing is just to do your best, nervous or not, and go from there.
Public Speaking classes might help, but again, might not.
Best of luck,
fredg

jurplesman · Nov 12, 2005, 10:08 PM

Dear Sarah,

I understand what you are going through. As a nutritional psychologist I see these problems as a purely physiological disorder, involving the overproduction of adrenaline as a result of an internal biochemical abnormality.

It can be treated without recourse to drugs, by going on a hypoglycemic diet.

Please read:

Beating Anxiety

Also Google search for

Anxiety/Depression and Hypoglycemia

rkim291968 · Nov 13, 2005, 01:00 AM

Practice and experience makes it better. I have similar problem (not as bad as you) in earlier in my career. But as I keep presenting over the years, I find it easier and easier. So, keep trying.

Things I do to get over "presentation" anxiety:

- Pretend that everyone in the room works for me (convince myself that I am better than them).

- Start with a conversation or go right into Q & A first to get my bearing on the stage. I find it easier to present after a "conversation" or two before presenting.

- On tought presentations, I stick with pre-written script, often, pre-rehearsed.

- Speaking of rehearsing, I will have 1 or 2 with smaller groups before presenting it for the real crowd. If I can't find a crowd willing to listen to my presentation, I give presentation to a imaginary crowd (sometimes, in a car while driving by myself).

I hope this helps.

Chery · Nov 13, 2005, 09:01 AM

Hey Sarah, it's now November, and we have not heard from you for a while. Please let us know how you are doing - remember, you can always share your anxieties with us and get feedback.

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