[MimiGirl]

Hello,
I guess I isn't that good when it comes to relationships(iam kind of new even though I am 22, I haven't been in many relationships)-its probably cause I've only been in one for almost 2 years and it wasn't a real relationship it kind of felt like a friendship thing than a couple-and I didn't love him as I thought I did.. But now I am with another guy(he is actually my 2nd boyfriend in my whole life) that I am totally head over heels in love with but I am passing through a situation that I don't know what to do.. Ive always been told by my parents and sisters to never be in back of the guy-dont call him let him call you-cause most men like the hard to get than the easy.. I kind of believe this is true cause I past through one experience before my 1st boyfriend-it was a guy that I really had a huge crush on and he also to me but then I guess I showed a little too much interest in him and began to call him practically all the time-in other words he began to notice that I was way too much in back of him so he began to dislike that.. I began to hear rumors that he stopped liking me cause I was too sticky- I got really hurt those days because I didn't want to lose him and our friendship and because of me being always jealouse and sticky my worst fears came true.. I guess I am afraid that the same thing happens in this relationship I am in now the only difference is that I am so in love.. I have changed and learned many things so this one can work out good.. one of the things that I tried to avoid and have been succeeding is my jealousy-their has been many times that I have gotten really jealouse but have holded it all in for him to see that I don't make a big deal about things(even though there are times when a little still comes out a little)..
So because of my past bad experiences and people telling me everywhere not to be too much in back of him cause guys don't like that-ive decided for him to always be the one calling me.. he is the one that always calls me actually I never call him-But yesternight he let me know in kind of a rough way over the phone that he was tired of always being the one calling me that I never call him and doesn't understand why.. I wanted to tell him what everybody tells me about not being too in back of him cause I might lose him but I didn't want him to see me like a weirdo or anything so I just told him that there are times that I am just busy-he then began to say that he thinks because of me not being the one to sometimes call him that I don't really want to talk or that I really don't love him as much as I say I do.. I honestly did not know what to say- and I have this fear now on calling him cause of my past experiences-i don't know if I should have told him why exactly I don't call him or should I just keep it that way and try to call him more often now.. iam confused.. we made up last night-but that discussing we had hasn't left me-iam still thinking about it.. I sometimes want to tell him how deeply I am in love with him and that he means the WORLD but again I don't want to scare him.. I know for a fact that he loves me BIG TIME and does not want to lose me either.. but he knows how to handle things better than me when it comes to relationships.. I NEED SOME ADVICE.. SOMEONE PLEASEEEEEEE HELP!! :( :( :(

[HaRLoS]

Hunny, you can call your boyfriend anytime your thinking about him! No offense, but that thing your mom told you.. its silly. You just don't need to act like an obsessed person.. you can call him.. just don't go overboard.. and this man loves you! And if you can't tell him how you feel than he might think you don't want to be with him? You say you love him? Call him!! When it comes to relationships you got to do it your own way! Don't listen to anyone else's opinions about it! The other guy that broke up with you.. is probably afraid of commitment and wasn't ready for someone who had feelings as strongs as yours were!

Let me know if I helped

[MimiGirl]

thank you for your advice.. ill put it to practice for now on-i won't listen to what others tell me about how to deal with my relationship..
and yes I will call him more often but won't go overbored.. =0)
thank you again

[MimiGirl]

You think I should tell him the truth about why I wouldn't call him?

[GlindaofOz]

It sounds like there are too many people involved in this and everyone is giving you crazy advice. Yes your boyfriend should call you and want to see you and treat you nice and yes you should not act jealous or obsessed or crazy. But calling your boyfriend and acting like an active member of your relationship is the right thing to do. Everyone has to put in their fair share of work in order to make a relationship run smoothly.

You should fess up to your boyfriend. I would apologize to him and tell him that everyone was telling you what to do and you just panicked and acted silly. Again apologize and then invite him out on a date!

I tend to try to keep people out of my relationships as much as possible since I find that the more people get involved the more messed up everything gets. Good luck!

[MimiGirl]

So he won't be left thinking about "man this girl doesnt love me, she only is calling me more often now cause i told her"

[GlindaofOz]

so he wont be left thinking about "man this girl doesnt love me, she only is calling me more often now cause i told her"

Yup. Like I said just tell him lots of people were trying to help you out and it seems that all they did was give you awful advice and that you are sorry if he felt you didn't care about him but since you are inexperienced in relationship you were just taking everybody's advice. I think there is nothing wrong with that.

[MimiGirl]

So I should then tell him the truth about why I wouldn't call him? You think I should also tell him about that situation that happen with that crush that I had-that I was way too in back of him and calling him and eventually I lost him cause of that..
Or should I just tell him that people around me gave me advices on not to be the one calling him and being in back of him..
I don't know I don't want him to think stupid of me if I followed what other people told me..

[GlindaofOz]

I wouldn't tell him about the crush... that might cause unnecessary problems.

Well I guess you have to figure out what hurts more him thinking that you don't care about him or him thinking that you are silly for listening to other people?

I would just tell him that you now know that it was a huge mistake and that you feel so stupid for listening to other people but that you liked him so much you didn't want to mess up so you asked friends and family for advice.

It pretty common for girls to go to their friends or family who have more experience for advice. Unfortunately for you they technically gave you good advice it was just without any follow up. I tend to agree that when you first start dating the guy should pursue you but once you are in the relationship the rules change.

[HaRLoS]

Yes you should tell him about what your mother and sister were saying. But don't tell him about the crush, if you tell him why you wouldn't call him, it will let him know that you can communicate and open up to him more. And you should always go with your own gut feelings and have a relationship the way you want to deal with everything! Not the way people tell you to! But its okay that you did, better solution, ask a question on here! They have helped me a lot with my boyfriend, and we are always glad to help anyone else who may need our help!

I hope everything works out for you

[MimiGirl]

thank you both for your great advices-you don't know how much it has helped me.. ill let him know tonight when he comes over.. thanks again and have a beautiful and great weekend... =0)

[GlindaofOz]

Good luck! Let us know how everything goes.

[MimiGirl]

Yes, ill keep you both updated..

[Chery]

Hi dear.

Advice is free. That's why it's OK to listen to it and read it. But what you do with it afterwards is your call to make.

Advice is just guidelines gained from good or bad experiences other people share with you. You will make your own experiences, good or bad, according to the ways of the heart. What makes them special is the things you learn throughout life and how you handle them.

With one man, calling often was no good. With another man, not calling enough was no good. So.. you have to communicate with each other - and not just on the phone.

It's OK to tell your BF that you were advised by so and so not to call - and the reasons.. then you can ask him when the best time would be to call him and how often.. Simple.. Just be open and honest with him. Getting to know each other is learning how to communicate with each other and sharing 'ghost stories' of all the stuff that people told you to do or not to do. He probably got some funny advice from his buddies as well. This should be a fun time for both of you, not a time of fear of saying or doing the wrong things. So, talk about everything under the sun with this man, and don't worry about what others say.

Have fun and enjoy life!


We communicate... why don't you?

[MimiGirl]

Hello again,
well I did what you guys told me to do-last Saturday night I decided to tell him the honest truth about why I wouldn't call him as much as he did.. I told him that it was because of the silly advices that some of my friends and sisters would give me- about leaving the guy doing all the calls and text messaging- In a way when I was telling him the truth it felt kind of hard cause I guess I felt kind of dumb scooping all the way down saying sorry and telling him reasons.. I just I am afraid that he thinks of me too obsessed or something.. he responded telling me that not to worry about it but he just didn't understand why my sisters and friends would tell me that cause me and him already have known each other for almost 6 months now-he said he would have understand them telling me that if it was at the beginning getting to know each other.. he took it fine-and for now on I am going to do things my way and not listen to many advices.. just wanted to keep you all updated on what happened... thanks everyone =0)

[GlindaofOz]

Oh Good! I'm so glad it worked out. I highly doubt that he thinks you are stupid. He probably thought the way you were acting was so out of step with who you are and was so confused. I bet he feels relieved to know what was going on.

[Chery]

Go for it, girl!

So glad we could help.

[HaRLoS]

Yay! Another problem solved! I love this website