[LUK3Y]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-119423.html

Hi guys,
It's been almost four months now since my ex left me. As some may know she instantly went for another who she is still with

For those who don't know the story it's in the link below

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-119423.html


Reason for bringing this up again is that at the moment there is a BIG what if going around in my head.
Myself personally so far am doing fine although I still think about her a lot, but somewhere in my head I believe I may have gone about things the wrong way while I was with her. I made her number one in my life and put her above myself.( Mistake yes) The question I have is if I went the other way about this... perhaps had more of my own life and did more for myself( hanging more with my mates etc), do you guys think that we would still be together right now and that she would not of left me.
Because as I see it at the moment she realised how easy I was and perhaps she got bored of me... or am I just trying 2 find the good in her?

By the way she does still try 2 contact me... and does get upset when I ignore her even though she has someone else now... I figured maybe she calls me when she's bored of her boyfriend.

[talaniman]

Those fears and insecurities are quite normal and will fade in time but staying in contact is feeding you false hope and has you confused trying to figure out what you did wrong in the past. You did nothing wrong, it just didn't work and would not of whatever you did. One thing though, cut the contact with her, and stop being so available, and so what if she gets mad. Continuing to feed her ego is at the heart of your problems. Prove to yourself you can move on, and break her influence.

[LUK3Y]

Thanks for your reply Talaniman. I see what you mean by the whole false hope thing. But it just leaves me in question that maybe if I wasn't around her all the time she would have stuck by me... but then I guess if she really did love me it would have worked out one way or another?

[Dave1986]

Yeah... what's meant to be is meant to be! The population of women in about 18million from age 16-59... why hang around waiting on this 1 girl!! Go out there an do some damage!!

[LUK3Y]

LOL damage...
It's just hard at the moment, I'm trying the whole NC thing but I keep finding myself looking back at if I did do this differently it would have worked out the other way instead. Like having more of my own life. But then I look at it of how many times we broke up, and how many times I said 2 myself this time I will do this differently... but I always found it to end the same for both of us. I always said 2 myself this time I will stand up for myself more... blah blah. This last time I did but it didn't work... perhaps we seen each other 2 often (everyday just about). But then I guess that if seeing each other every day really was the case of the problem, then our absence from each other at the moment would make us both realise, and would clear that question up in my head wouldn't it?

[Dave1986]

Your situation is very similar to mine mate, I must of split up with my ex about 10 times this year alone - not healthy! An every time I split up I used to notice where I was going wrong, then as soon as we got back I'd try correcting the problem but soon we'd fall back into routine again an result in splitting a few months down line... the frequency got closer as it came to the main break! I think it's just a fact of life mate, it's the first time I've ever been through it an it bloody hurts but it can only make you a better man an bring you closer to Mrs Right! Chin up, forget about the past, look forward an move on... its hard but the longer you look back the longer your going to be moping around!! An that's not good for you! Go workout an build that confidence up meeting people!

[stressedout43]

Luk3y and Dave1986 Where are you guys. Down Under? What time is it there. I wake up grab a cup of coffee and check out this site a lot. I live in UTAH USA mate.

[GlindaofOz]

Would've could've should've... there are like a rocking chair it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. You can drown yourself in 've's and ifs. Why? Its an exercise in futility. If your relationship was supposed to work out it would have however it did not. BUT look at what you learned. You learned that is important to be a full person outside of your relationship and not allow you life to go to the wayside once you date someone. Those are very important life lessons to pick up.

[LUK3Y]

G'day mate haha... it's around 11pm right now.

[LUK3Y]

Rocking chair... intersting point u make of that GLINDAOFOZ. Feels exactly like the situaution I am in no

[mckenzie134]

Hay mate same story it wouldn't have natter what you did in the end she would have found a reasoon. I beat myself up for a lomg time then realised.. its best just to walk away if she really wanted you it would not matter. Problem is YES you were too available and maybe she would have stayed if you were less. But for how long only delaying the inevitable.

She was never staying and by manipulating or haing your own life this would have kept her but she would have adventually left, if she was true she would have stayed. Don't beat yourself up you just saved time in the end mate SHJE WAS ALAYS LEAVING!! She well may be back just give her space and time. Do not answer do not let her play you! That has been your problem all along and you are still making her your life by letting her do this! Start now!! Champ take control get her out of your life completely and in a few months she might be ready to be a bit more serious...

[stressedout43]

I think that its pretty cool that here we are having a chat across the world right now. Im at the beginning of my day and your at the end of yours. Oh' & I'll make sure and have a Fosters 4 you tonight. It is Friday and all...

[LUK3Y]

Well it's Sunday down here today, the ex contacted me last Monday and I haven't heard from her since, she called me from her work while on her break to let me know she was quiting. That whole weekend before the Monday she was also making contact with me. I played it cool and tried keeping it short, I managed to be nice on the phone and kept it friendly everything was fine it was good to talk to her acctually. She was home that whole weekend (usually she is at her boyfriends). I asked why she was home and she gave an excuse for it which I knew was not true. I found out yesterday she was fighting with her boyfriend so that would explain why she was making the contact with me and why she was at home that weekend. So guys what is your take on it, am I just her safety net? Or do you guys think she may be realising the mistake she has made?

[mckenzie134]

Even if she is realising the mistake you are the safety net! You are becoming her girlfriend who she calls when she has a fight with him. He probl;y runs the show and tells her how it is! If she wanted you mate she would be with you. I would cut all contact why are you there for her she clkearly does not want you and if she does will let you know

[LUK3Y]

Thanks mckenzie... its just so hard 2 see this stuff due to the situation I'm in... all these circles in my head its bulls*** how she can be like that about the whole thing. If I was her boyfriend I would be pisse** off about her making contact with me. Life aint' easy when it comes to situations like this, but I guess it's another test that I have to rise through, learn from, and get stronger through experience from. Just not easy at all at the moment.

[Dave1986]

Yeah I agree with McKenzie, You need to move on mate... I know its hard but why wait around for this one girl!! You will find love again mate, when you meet someone else when your least expecting it! Dopnt rush things just take some time out like I'm doing an just enjoy yourself, let her deal with her own problems an if she decides she wants you back then wait for her to write it out in a text, email or whatever... an make her work for it, because she did just drop you like that so don't give in so easy! My advice would be to move on though, because chances are it won't work second time round, would you really want to go through all this again if she drops you for someone else second time round??

[LUK3Y]

Well Dave to be honest brother... it's been more than once :( (its in the link above take a look most of our relationship is in there)
Iv'e just been the fool to stick on to false hope and take her back.
That's what keeps me there... the FALSE hope of this time I should be more like this... or have more of my own life and not base it around her.

[mckenzie134]

She sobviously not ready yet that's all to early

[LUK3Y]

Not ready to be in a serious relationship you mean?

[mckenzie134]

Yr