Check out some similar questions!

excon · Sep 5, 2007, 08:56 AM

Hello Im:

Apparently, he does. However, I don't.

excon

ImMissCurious · Sep 5, 2007, 08:58 AM

For example... when he is a free man and he is still writing to me and is not in prison anymore then where is the con? Surely that would say that he is just interested in still writing to me and not conning me... give me examples so I can see your point of view

ImMissCurious · Sep 5, 2007, 09:00 AM

excon... was you ever in prison?

excon · Sep 5, 2007, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

give me examples so i can see your point of view

Hello again, Miss:

In general, Smoothy's right. There are a LOT of really bad people in there. But, we're talking about an individual here, and generalizations make no sense. He MAY be a good guy, or he MAY not be. I don't know. I couldn't say - except that not ALL convicts are bad guys.

Keep writing to him, and relax. You don't have to make any long term commitments right now.

excon

danielnoahsmommy · Sep 5, 2007, 09:26 AM

Wait until he is out and emplyed see how he is on the outside when he is self supporting. Then you can tell if you would like to continue. A close family member went to prison and came out with what I call jail bird feaver. Unable to deal with life on the outside. Unable to function. Be careful you can be sucked into this very easily. We "my family" basically told him to shape up or ship out, he shaped up. But understand not all have this mentality and not all who have it realize it.

ImMissCurious · Sep 5, 2007, 09:28 AM

But your family member... was he "conning" people from the inside?

danielnoahsmommy · Sep 5, 2007, 09:31 AM

No, he was an older man, just conning other cons. But I would be very careful.. watch TV you can see dozens of cases on talk shows

ImMissCurious · Sep 5, 2007, 09:36 AM

I understand what you all are saying and I'm very grateful that you have my best interests at heart, but I feel I am not being conned by writing to him. I am expecting his next letter this week and I will carry on writing but if he does ask me in the future for money, relationship, visa etc, then I will stop all contact I will not be taken for a ride and I am not gulable.

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

smoothy do you think all men in prison are con men?

Most are... the vast majority are there because they chose to violate the law. Many have no respect for the law and most are extremely self centered and self serving. That's how and what lead to their actions that got them incarcerated.

If they respected the law and the property rights of others they would not have done what they did to get arrested. There are few truly innocent people in prison. The fact you are so quick to defend him tells me he already has you wrapped around his finger.

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

i understand what you all are saying and i'm very grateful that you have my best interests at heart, but i feel i am not being conned by writing to him. i am expecting his next letter this week and i will carry on writing but if he does ask me in the future for money, relationship, visa etc, then i will stop all contact i will not be taken for a ride and i am not gulable.

Sorry but I think your judgment is already been compromised by a smooth talking criminal ( after all he was convicted and as yet not paid for his actions yet as he has not completed his sentence). The fact you are so adamant that you feel a need or obligation to continue writing him tells me he already has you 1/2 way suckered into handing over money. Mark my words... you are already talking like this is the man for you, you have an emotional attraction to him and you are so set in your opinion he is really a good hearted misunderstood fellow and nobody else sees what you do.

Date local men who are not and have not been in jail or don't be surprised if one day you find yourself there for helping him. Harsh words but you are 1/2 way to being suckered by him. That's clear to most of us here, but you can't see it because he already conned you into believing in him.

Its your emotional attachment that I find dangerous. You are beyond a simple pen pal at this point. I only see you getting hurt in the end. Being a pen pal is one thing... having an emotional affair with someone incarcerated is another thing altogether, and I am highly against that, and trust me, you are there right now but just don't see it yet.

Sincere1 · Sep 5, 2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

He is a really nice person and is so loving in his letters, he is very passionate and and well educated. He's 29. I am always daydreaming about him and what it would be like to meet him. I'm always fantasizing about him. Anyway in his last letter he said that he would like us to meet when he leaves prison! Am i being stupid by having these feelings and is it a bad idea to meet him??? please help!

i really like him!

I think that instead of worrying about the potential negative qualities of this guy who's in prison you need to be looking at what is it in YOURSELF that is attracting YOU to a guy you've never even MET before who obviously has SOME sort of character flaws?! You are entertaining thoughts of having a romantic relationship with someone you don't even know. Why not live in reality and meet someone in person? Why set yourself up and waste so much time for this "dream" man? Why not reach out to someone in your own city who doesn't have a criminal past? Don't YOU think YOU can do better?

Xrayman · Sep 5, 2007, 04:15 PM

"really NICE" people don't end up in prison for years. This is the ONLY crime he has committed hey? The real situation I BET, is this is the only crime he has been busted for.

I'm sorry, but move on and get yourself some self-respect and find a true lover with a real regard for you, rather than someone who wants to use you as the meal ticket out of the slammer.

I truly respect the compassion you are showing this guy, but I cannot agree with the crime he has been put in Gaol for, DRUGS! What about if your child/children died as a result of the drugs this guy was importing "conspiring" to import/export? How would you feel? Would you LOVE him? Would you consider him a "nice" guy? Still.

I believe in second chances-but criminals locked away for that period only know criminals-they are generally not studying to become MDs or other pillars of society, they spend a majority of time using each other and any other "helpful" people on the outside for selfish reasons.

Once again a lot of this is my opinion. As I have been a victim of crime-I don't accept excuses from many of these types-sorry. Perhaps Ex-Con may be able to assist/argue this with me, perhaps he may help you to get a little more of an objective response

Cheers, and for your sake, please take care and beware.

afaroo · Sep 6, 2007, 12:54 PM

Yes now you are getting smarter, there are always good people out side the prison and I am sure you can find one, please be smart.

MayMsredrose · Sep 8, 2007, 04:20 AM

I STRONGLY AGREE WITH SMOOTHY... as you said by yourself you are always fantasizing about him... the picture you have in your mind about him is not true... wake up from your day dream before you pay for it...

Ms. Redrose

ImMissCurious · Sep 8, 2007, 04:28 AM

OK thanks people, very grateful for your answers. It is very unlikely that I will be going to America to meet him as he still has to serve another 2 years. I am happy with just writing to him. You guys have made me realize that everything he says I need to take with a pinch of salt, so I will do that. If he writes about wanting to meet again I will make it clear that I would not feel safe to do so.

Xrayman · Sep 9, 2007, 04:48 PM

Well done Misscurious! Take everything with a pinch of salt-I'd ask some more probing questions-like ever hurt anyone and how, and how many and why so many years for a "small" offence?

If he gets shaky-then there is more about him than meeets the eye.

ImMissCurious · Sep 10, 2007, 03:08 AM

Thanks Xrayman, in my last letter I did write and ask him if he'd ever been involved with anything else apart from drugs conspiracy... I'll find out in his next letter. He did explain to me that the reason he got so many years was that he was given the leader role by the judge (taken with a pinch of salt).

Xrayman · Sep 10, 2007, 04:30 PM

Perhhaps you could also ask-"just how does one conspire with drugs?" if he can't give you an elaborate and clever explanatioon of how he achieved this and how he "sucked others into it", then I'd say he' has got lots to hide...

Miss curious, if he's involved with drugs it's a lay-down misere he's hurt (possibly killed) anyone who was "on his territory" that's just how they are-unfeeling and violent. He has just not been busted for this-yet.

I'm really curious as to how this type would interest you-you must be a great woman who deserves some real physical as well as emotional attention from a FREE man.

Anyway-best wishes.

bushg · Sep 10, 2007, 04:44 PM

Misscurious, if you know the city & state he is from, give that department a call. I am sure they would be more than happy to let you know who/what you are dealing with. If you have his complete name you may even be able to do this yourself by logging on to the courts website in his area. It may not give you the court transcripts, but you could at least be able to see what all he has been cahrged with from the time he was 18. Of course that would depend if all of his crimes were in the same county. Good Luck and be careful

americangayboy · Sep 10, 2007, 08:47 PM

I agree with bushg. Although I'd be guarded, you shouldn't throw him aside if you have a lot in common. One MAJOR flag is violence. Violent offenders have a higher rate of criminal recidivism and are MUCH more likely to have psychopathic personalities (I'm using the correct definition of "psychopath" not the pop-psych/film definition).