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iamintrouble · Sep 4, 2007, 12:12 PM

My fiancée want me to do oral sex for him. I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep. He went to another room masturbation with the pornography. I feel he is so sick! I don’t want to talk to him and let him touch me at all. Did my reaction is normal? Should I have open mind for that? Is it acceptable he do masturbate with the pornography even when I am available? :confused:

tickle · Sep 4, 2007, 12:29 PM

But you refused to give him satisfaction ! What did you expect him to do if he was already worked up. I don't know, some women think its actually cheating if their s/o masturbates with porno.

Sounds to be as if you were actually a little jealous and maybe hurt. You weren't available, so you say, and maybe if you had given in to him you and he could have had a good time without the porno.

It works both ways, its all give and take.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 4, 2007, 12:34 PM

So you were available for sex, but didn't want to give him oral sex, correct?

When you told him you didn't want to give him oral sex, what did he say? Did he still want to have sex? You probably shouldn't have just gone to sleep.

If he was aroused, I'm sure he would have had sex with you. It has been explained to me that when a male gets aroused it can be quite painful if they don't get that "release". That could be why he masturbated.

iamintrouble · Sep 4, 2007, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

So you were available for sex, but didnt want to give him oral sex, correct?

When you told him you didnt want to give him oral sex, what did he say? Did he still want to have sex? You probably shouldnt have just gone to sleep.

If he was aroused, i'm sure he would have had sex with you. It has been explained to me that when a male gets aroused it can be quite painful if they dont get that "release". That could be why he masturbated.

I don't want give him oral sex of because every time he wait for me to give him oral sex before we have sex again, like alterate. If I don't give him oral sex he will perfered masturbate, even I am available.

I didn't tell him I don't want to give him oral sex, but I want him to know I'm available why don't you have sex with me instead of oral sex!

nauticalstar420 · Sep 4, 2007, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by iamintrouble

I don't want give him oral sex of because every time he wait for me to give him oral sex before we have sex again, like alterate. If I don't give him oral sex he will perfered masturbate, even I am available.

I didn't tell him I don't want to give him oral sex, but I want him to know I'm available why don't you have sex with me instead of oral sex!

If you didn't tell him then he doesn't know. It is always best to be upfront with your significant other.

iamintrouble · Sep 4, 2007, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

If you didnt tell him then he doesnt know. It is always best to be upfront with your significant other.

I understand that... we had this discussion before. I told him I don't like when he think oral sex is more important in our sex life than make love to me. He told me oral sex is more satisfy for him. And that's why he wait for me to give him oral sex all the time. He do know what I want since he talked before. He just doesn't want to make love to me (not completely satisfy for him).

nauticalstar420 · Sep 4, 2007, 01:00 PM

Everyone has their own preferences. Sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for a lot of people, mainly women. This is a 50/50 situation, you give him 50, he'll give you 50, see what I mean?

Do I think you should have to do it every time you get intimate? No, of course not. Do you mind doing it, as long as its not all the time? Or are you completely against it no matter what?

If it is more satisfying for him to be intimate this way, I don't see anything wrong with it. He just has to understand that if you give, he has to give too.

iamintrouble · Sep 4, 2007, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Everyone has their own preferences. Sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for a lot of people, mainly women. This is a 50/50 situation, you give him 50, he'll give you 50, see what I mean?

Do I think you should have to do it every time you get intimate? No, of course not. Do you mind doing it, as long as its not all the time? Or are you completely against it no matter what?

If it is more satisfying for him to be intimate this way, I dont see anything wrong with it. He just has to understand that if you give, he has to give too.

Well... he will have sex to me if I do it alturate. But I just don't like sometimes he like see porn (I hate porn!) and get him all excited before he comes to me. I feel like he wasn't make love to me and feel like I been used...

smoothy · Sep 4, 2007, 01:15 PM

You may want to be a little bit more open minded about oral sex. Guys love it just as women love when a guy that knows what they are doing goes down on them. Like was mentioned you aren't expected to do it all the time.

I can't explain why he went to get off himself since you didn't really turn him away, you just said no to that act.

Perhaps its something he really wanted (or felt he needed at the moment) but only he knows that. I can say oral sex is a more stimulating act... however I can't say I've ever said its oral or nothing, or even anal or nothing.

Personally both of you need to think about what each of you did, I think you both share in this, its not just him or just you. Each of you decide its only what you want only the way you want it, only when you want it. That's not good.

He needs to do something about his selfishness (after all 2 people are involved, not just one), and you need to try to be a little bit more open minded as well. Or you will both have major issues if you get married before resolving them. They won't go away on their own.

iamintrouble · Sep 4, 2007, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

You may want to be a little bit more open minded about oral sex. Guys love it just as women love when a guy that knows what they are doing goes down on them. Like was mentioned you aren't expected to do it all the time.

I can't explain why he went to get off himself since you didn't really turn him away, you just said no to that act.

Perhaps its something he really wanted (or felt he needed at the moment) but only he knows that. I can say oral sex is a more stimulating act....however I can't say I've ever said its oral or nothing, or even anal or nothing.

Personally both of you need to think about what each of you did, I think you both share in this, its not just him or just you. Each of you decide its only what you want only the way you want it, only when you want it. Thats not good.

He needs to do something about his selfishness (after all 2 people are involved, not just one), and you need to try to be a little bit more open minded as well. Or you will both have major issues if you get married before resolving them. They won't go away on their own.

Because he is lazy to do the work, and takes longer to finished what he wanted. So it is easy for him do it himself with porn.

jamesdragon30 · Sep 4, 2007, 02:11 PM

Tell him next time that if he wants oral, so do you.

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by iamintrouble

Because he is lazy to do the work, and takes longer to finished what he wanted. So it is easy for him do it himself with porn.

Still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Spanking the monkey is not better than intercourse. And the amount of work either takes has nothing to do with it.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 5, 2007, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Spanking the monkey is not better than intercourse. And the amount of work either takes has nothing to do with it.

The whole reason for the masturbation was he asked her for oral, she didn't want to do it, so she just rolled over and went to sleep, calling the whole thing off. They didn't have intercourse either. In my opinion, what was he supposed to do?

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

The whole reason for the masturbation was he asked her for oral, she didnt want to do it, so she just rolled over and went to sleep, calling the whole thing off. They didnt have intercourse either. In my opinion, what was he supposed to do?

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least that's what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 5, 2007, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least that's what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :

I don’t like it when I am available but he want oral sex rather than make love to me. So, I didn’t do it and went to sleep.

That's why I didn't blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

iamintrouble · Sep 5, 2007, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

She offered regular intercourse after turning down performing oral, but before rolling over to go asleep. Or at least thats what I read into her question. If she in fact said no then rolled over and went to sleep immediately then that changes things completely then could understand him going off to spank the monkey rather than suffering blue balls all night.

Sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. Because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :

Thats why I didnt blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

I'll agree, lets see if she offered intercourse or just rolled over and went to sleep. The way its worded it could have been either way.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 5, 2007, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by iamintrouble

sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!

He sounds like he is selfish in bed. You really need to talk with him and get all of this sorted out before you get married. These issues could become huge later on.

smoothy · Sep 5, 2007, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by iamintrouble

sometimes he is lazy have sex with me instead of ask me for oral sex. because intercourse takes time, like foreplay, kisses, etc. also, he says, he enjoy having sex with me, but oral sex is feel more fulfilled. After intercourse he might still want some more, but after oral sex he feel he is done!

What country are you from? And him? There might be a cultural issue at play here as well.

iamintrouble · Sep 5, 2007, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I apologize, I was under the assumption that she just called the whole thing off and went to sleep :

Thats why I didnt blame him for the masturbating. I think most guys would masturbate if they are aroused and not getting that "release".

I don't blame him if he need masturbate to get if off. I just blame him that, he had choice, but he preferred masturbate with porn rather than have sex with me.