[nauticalstar420]

Thank you guys! Hugs to all of you too.

[cerisa]

The best way to keep your husband close is to hold him tight sweetie, and don't let ANYONE come between you. My dear sweet husband has leukemia. What I wouldn't give to be young with him again. I know I rocked his world then, but now I would do even better.

[nauticalstar420]

The best way to keep your husband close is to hold him tight sweetie, and don't let ANYONE come between you. My dear sweet husband has leukemia. What I wouldn't give to be young with him again. I know I rocked his world then, but now I would do even better.

I try not to let anyone come between us, that's why I raised hell this time.. lol.

I am sorry about your husband. You sound like a wonderful couple. :)

[althena]

It sounds like he's telling you a lot by not saying much. I would sit down with him (trying not to be angry, but to tell him the facts) and tell him how I felt. Tell him that it's very serious and not to blow you off. You might consider relationship counseling.

If he doesn't take you seriously or refuses to talk about it/seek help, I think he's sending a really strong message that you should deeply consider.

Best of luck to you!

[J_9]

I am going to admit, right up front, that I have not read the entire thread. I got to page 4 and a light bulb went on in my head, I had to turn it off before it burned out. LOL

The crud about him and the trust issue... You need to tell him that he is giving you a reason not to trust him. He is making the calls when you aren't around, he is closing his web pages when he knows you are there. Let him know that this is suspicious activity on his part. That he is giving you a reason to be concerned.

Tell him that if there is nothing going on that he should have no problem at all with you standing there looking over his shoulder when he is on the computer. My husband used to have this problem as I would shut pages like your husband also. The only difference was it was coincidence. So, now if he stands behind me, I let him read. If I close a page and it looks suspicious then I will reopen it if he has a question.

He has given you reason not to trust him, now make him give you a reason TO trust him.

He may be getting confrontational with the way you are talking to him about this. Men do not like to be confronted. To maintain peace and harmony in a situation like this us women really do have to choose our words wisely.

[CaptainRich]

I'm very glad you stood your ground.
And if you're happy, I'm happy too.

You must be tired of it all by now...

[nauticalstar420]

I tried being a little less confrontational, and a little nicer, and it worked! Lol go figure. I guess I still have a lot to learn about men. He opened up when I was nice rather than shut down.

I told him also that he has given me a reason not to trust him and he said he understood that and how bad it looked. His reason for being so secretive was that I tend to overreact about things (and I admit I do) and he didn't want me worrying over nothing. He said it was better that I didn't know how aggressive this girl was about wanting to talk to him. The problem is, I don't know if I should believe him.

I do know one thing though. The problem looked bad, and made me lose some trust for him, and it will take a while to get that trust back.

[J_9]

I understand your pain NS. I have been where you are and found that my ex did indeed cheat. So when my current hubby thought I was doing the same, I took some measures to show that such was not the case.

Stand your ground. Understand that he may not wish to go to counseling right away. Many men do not warm up to this idea at first. You may have to go alone for a while if this is the path you choose.

[nauticalstar420]

I'm very glad you stood your ground.
And if you're happy, I'm happy too.

You must be tired of it all by now...

I definitely stood my ground and was completely open and honest with him and he said he understood. I told him I would not tolerate this now or in the future so he needs to be more careful about who he talks to and what he says to them.

He said that above all things he did not want me to leave and he loves me more than anything, and he was willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. Lets hope he was telling the truth. :)

And yes, I am very tired of it. :)

[nauticalstar420]

I understand your pain NS. I have been where you are and found that my ex did indeed cheat. So when my current hubby thought I was doing the same, I took some measures to show that such was not the case.

Stand your ground. Understand that he may not wish to go to counseling right away. Many men do not warm up to this idea at first. You may have to go alone for a while if this is the path you choose.

I am sorry that happened to you. To me cheating is one of the worst things you could do to a person. My dad cheated on my mom and she was a wreck for a long time. But I guess it also gives people a learning experience, if it has been done to someone they know what to look for. Plus, now you have a new awesome hubby. :)

I agree though I don't think he will want to go to counseling right away. He hates talking about his feelings and stuff like that, especially with strangers.

[startover22]

You handled this very well, and I am proud of you!
I know it will work out how it should sweet. I am happy to hear him talking nicely with you!

[nauticalstar420]

You handled this very well, and i am proud of you!
I know it will work out how it should sweet. I am happy to hear him talking nicely with you!

Thank you! :) I am glad he's finally talking to me too. It is so nervewracking when you are trying to talk to someone and they will absolutely not respond. It makes you think you can't even talk to that person about anything.

[althena]

I'm glad he was more responsive this time. A skill I quickly picked up was to look at things from both sides. If I were in his shoes, how would I want to be approached? Now how do *i* really feel? Now what's a calm yet honest way to approach him with that?

For me... I journaled a lot when he and I were first together. There I could express all my feelings.. get all the venom out. And then I would approach him with it. Then I was more rational and controlled (yet no less honest! ) in my responses/confrontation/conversation.


In a long term relationship you should be able to express anything to your mate. It isn't what you say... it's HOW you say it. :) I've come a long way in learning to 'fight fair', which isn't generally 'fighting' anyway.

[startover22]

Aww, dang, you mean I can't call him an A-hole anymore?

[nauticalstar420]

I'm glad he was more responsive this time. A skill i quickly picked up was to look at things from both sides. If i were in his shoes, how would i want to be approached? Now how do *i* really feel? Now what's a calm yet honest way to approach him with that?

For me... i journaled a lot when he and i were first together. There i could express all my feelings.. get all the venom out. And then i would approach him with it. Then i was more rational and controlled (yet no less honest!!) in my responses/confrontation/conversation.


In a long term relationship you should be able to express anything to your mate. It isn't what you say... it's HOW you say it. :) i've come a long way in learning to 'fight fair', which isn't generally 'fighting' anyway.

A journal is a great idea! Then I can take out my anger on the journal rather than my husband. I did yell at him a lot yesterday, but my blood just started boiling after a while.

And your last paragraph there, was awesome! 'fight fair' and its not generally 'fighting'... that is great!

[Chery]

I envision you twenty years down the road, you and hubby on the porch drinking iced-tea and remembering the good times and the bad.

It's a long hard journey we all embark on, some of us wind up alone, some of us bond and have that chance to 'live happily ever after'. It's mostly in our hands.

Love and hugs to you..