[redneck412000]

Listen sweety, coming from a 41 year old woman who has already been on that ride, if it smells fishy, it is fishy. Tell him that you and the kids will be going with him, like it or not. You might be able to nip this thing in the bud.

[LearningAsIGo]

As dumb as it is, some guys just fall into a "flirting friendship trap" kwim? By all means, he should explain himself to you... but guys (& girls) start with friendly talk... then it becomes flirting... etc.
If he's stressed, maybe he (stupidly) reached out to a person who wasn't directly related to it... and things snowballed. Hopefully that's all and hopefully he's waking up to his behavior.

Before I married my husband, he had a work friend like this (we met at work, so I knew her too). She called him "babe" and he called her "hun" in return. Since he wasn't thinking much of it, he actually did it in front of me! I knew they were friends, but that took it over the top for me...
We got home that day and he asked why I was (obviously) upset. I told him... he still didn't think it was a big deal. Until I reminded him that this woman was KNOWN to cheat on her husband with coworkers.
Doh! His lightbulb went off and he realized that "hun" lumped him into that group (she actually got pregnant by another coworker later)

Sorry, not to steal your post... just trying to say sometimes guys don't think about what this kind of thing may look like to others.

I hope so anyway... I HATE to think he'd do something like that to you. :(

[Chery]

Wow, what a bummer!

I hope that you find a way to get this cleared up. Have you already made relocation plans?

I'd be absolutely going ballistic at this point and setting an ultimatum. How dare him hold back on something this critical - this is not just a trip to Disneyland that your about to make and he should darned well respect that.

I'd insist on going with him to Kentucky and to hell with the hassle - he needs to put up or shut up.

Good luck dear, my fingers are certainly crossed, when I'm not on AMHD typing.

I'm really, really pi$$ed. I wish somehow he could feel all the anger from all of us right now - that would be a kick in the ***.

[CaptainRich]

LOL she probably would, and i'd feel good knowing that I made her do it...thats kind of evil. :p

He did say this morning too that he has been under a lot of stress with getting out of the Navy and moving and stuff like that. I have been trying to figure out of that ties into this at all.

You're not evil, you deserve to be treated honestly.

Esp that bunk about "I don't respond to people who don't trust"... You shouldn't have to tolerate people who are deceptive.

Stress can manifest itself in many ways, but it's not an excuse to lie to your life's partner.

[cerisa]

Where in cali are you moving to sweetie? I can give you some info about San Diego areas

[nauticalstar420]

Thank you all for caring so much! I feel funny talking about things like this with my mom, because she will only say one thing... "leave him and come home"... and since I don't know for sure what is going on yet, I do not want to use that option yet.

I told him last night that it makes him look bad. Even if nothing is going on, this girl is making him look bad. I asked him how it would look if the tables were turned and I was in this situation, and he admitted that it would look bad to him too.

I told him I was getting sick of all of this. I told him that even if he was looking for someone to talk to, it looks bad, and he trusts people way too much (he really does, he's the type that will tell his business to just anyone). He said he would take care of all of this, so hopefully he does.

[nauticalstar420]

Where in cali are you moving to sweetie? I can give you some info about San Diego areas

I am moving to Ridgecrest, about 115 miles from Los Angeles. I was born and raised in California, so I'm pretty much just going back home. :p

[Chery]

Here's hoping he will see the error of his ways.

Sending Good Vibes!

[cerisa]

Okay, Welcome Home then!

[nauticalstar420]

You're not evil, you deserve to be treated honestly.

Esp that bunk about "I don't respond to people who don't trust"...You shouldn't have to tolerate people who are deceptive.

Stress can manifest itself in many ways, but it's not an excuse to lie to your life's partner.

That crap he gave me about not talking to people that don't trust him really made me mad. Its like I can't even talk to him about anything serious, he just shuts down. I don't know if he feels threatened about serious conversations or what.

I brought up just taking a break, and he said he didn't want me to leave, so I don't know. The way it looks, he just wants to have is cake and eat it too. I don't know if that's the case, but that's how it looks.

[nauticalstar420]

Here's hoping he will see the error of his ways.

Sending Good Vibes!

Aww thank you. You are such a good and sweet person. :)

[CaptainRich]

"leave him and come home"

You don't have to tell him if you're just going for a *cough-cough* visit.

You could simply be going to visit before the big move...
Let him believe what he wants. He's doing the headgames now...

.

[nauticalstar420]

You don't have to tell him if you're just going for a *cough-cough* visit.

You could simply be going to visit before the big move...
Let him believe what he wants. He's doing the headgames now...

.

That is very true. Maybe it would shine some light on some things for him. Maybe he'll see what is important to him. If its not me and his family, that's his loss.

[CaptainRich]

That is very true. Maybe it would shine some light on some things for him. Maybe he'll see what is important to him. If its not me and his family, thats his loss.

I think you see where I'm going with this...

"I'm going to Mom's!" doesn't mean you're leaving him forever... just getting into his head.
Hopefully he's mature enough to begin thinking and understand what he's doing.
Just let him believe... now I'm evil.:p

[nauticalstar420]

LOL I don't think you could ever be evil. :p

I definitely know where you are going with this though, and it's a good idea.

[rankrank55]

Hey Star, I just came across your post! I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a frustrating, stressful time. I must agree with the others, it sounds WAY fishy to me. I've been in about the same situation before and I've seen my now hubby act the way your hubs is acting now and he was guilty as charged! Before my husband and I were married I saw a number in his cell of a girl he had a fling with back in high school... the number had always been there but this time he home phone number was added in... I confronted him about it and he yelled at me and got defensive. He even tried to make me feel like I was a bad person because I wasn't fully trusting him. To make a long story short, I was right, this girl and him had a little fling going on behind my back. Of course, we resolved it, had counseling, all that jazz. Trust your woman's intuition, it's usually right! If I were you, I would bully my way into going to Kentucky with him no matter what. Once I got there I would do some major observing! Good luck girl and I really really hope thinks work out for you and your family. Let us know if you need anything!

[nauticalstar420]

Hey Star, I just came across your post! I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a frustrating, stressful time. I must agree with the others, it sounds WAY fishy to me. I've been in about the same situation before and i've seen my now hubby act the way your hubs is acting now and he was guilty as charged! Before my husband and I were married I saw a number in his cell of a girl he had a fling with back in high school...the number had always been there but this time he home phone number was added in...I confronted him about it and he yelled at me and got defensive. He even tried to make me feel like I was a bad person because I wasn't fully trusting him. To make a long story short, I was right, this girl and him had a little fling going on behind my back. Of course, we resolved it, had counseling, all that jazz. Trust your woman's intuition, it's usually right! If I were you, I would bully my way into going to Kentucky with him no matter what. Once I got there I would do some major observing! Good luck girl and I really really hope thinks work out for you and your family. Let us know if you need anything!

Maybe counseling is a good idea. I think we need it, not only for this, but for his stress issues too. I don't want to just throw in the towel before some effort is made to try and fix this. Thanks ranky! :)

[rankrank55]

Maybe counseling is a good idea. I think we need it, not only for this, but for his stress issues too. I dont want to just throw in the towel before some effort is made to try and fix this. Thanks ranky! :)

No problamo star! After I found out that he was a bit unfaithful, I still wanted us to work so we did pre-marital counseling. It really helped us find each other and it helped me regain my trust; it worked wonders. Everything is peachy now! :)

[nauticalstar420]

Trust is something I'm afraid I'm going to have an issue with. It is hard for me to trust people in the first place, and when someone does wrong to me I usually never trust them again, and if I do, it takes a lot of work.

[CaptainRich]

I wonder if he fully understand the peril he's placed on his family...
And his future...