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notsuresohelp · Sep 2, 2007, 10:42 PM

I married my boyfriend out of state (but still in the US) for immigration purposes. We intended to marry in the future, but looked at this is basically signing paperwork to help keep him in the country. We do not want to share this with anyone because we both want the big traditional wedding which we would like to consider the real start to our marriage. I do not want my parents to find out (I am over 18) because they would not be happy with it because they would have wanted me to do it properly. Would somebody notify them because their name is on the license? Is there another way that they could find out (without searching records?) Please help me on this one.. I am stressing!

Fr_Chuck · Sep 2, 2007, 11:12 PM

No one is going to call them and tell them, but you can not get a new marriage license and your next big wedding will only be a blessing of the first wedding or a renewal of vows, not a new wedding. So when the preacher does not pronouse you man and wife, they will figure something out.

Starting a new marriage off with a lie is really bad, if you are not old enough to stand up for your actions you are not old enough to be married.

Be an adult now and tell the truth,

cal823 · Sep 2, 2007, 11:18 PM

He has a good point.
They are still your parents, but you are an adult now.
It doesn't matter if they know or not, why?
Because they don't have control over who you marry.
If they disagree, then that's their opinion, you can get married whether your parents like it or not.

notsuresohelp · Sep 3, 2007, 10:26 AM

I appreciate your concern about the marriage and me being an adult, but I am only looking for an answer to my question. Thanks again.

excon · Sep 3, 2007, 11:08 AM

Hello not:

Can they find out?? Sure. Your marriage license is a public record.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Sep 3, 2007, 12:58 PM

They will find out, if not today, at the next "fake" wedding. And it will only be worst when they find out that they have been lied to for months.

Of course the court house may send them a congrat card or something also.

LearningAsIGo · Sep 4, 2007, 10:47 AM

They cannot currently find out without looking into public record. Some newspapers post marriage license applications/marriage announcements though so you might want to look into that. (our marriage application was published in our local paper without our knowledge.. until Grandma called and told us she found it ;) )

However, they will find out eventually due to what Fr_Chuck mentioned. You will not have a marriage license to sign in front of witnesses at your next affair. That will certainly put up the red flag for mom and dad.

A word of advice: The truth hurts but it gets worse down the line. I had a cousin do what you have and a year after their REAL (secret) ceremony, they admitted it during their church wedding. Everyone's feelings were really hurt. Just an FYI.

cozyk · Jan 20, 2009, 04:32 PM

Think about what is the most important to you. Starting your marriage off with integrity and honor, or having a big party. I say you can do both. Be honest up front. Maybe just have a reception to celebrate you're your marriage. Honesty first.

Mercy4 · Oct 5, 2012, 07:53 PM

My husband and I wanted a beach wedding and our families couldn't get there egos out of the way so we eloped on a vacation with our kids some months before we were married in front of our family and friends. We were married I. Florida and got a marriage license there and told no one of our marriage and took a witness to get our license in Iowa and did a full wedding minus a church. For us that allowed something. To be about us and we also had a day to share with friends and family. Unless you tell... No one will know, you can also add each other to work insurance sooner if that is a concern as well. Don't feel guilty about keeping a small piece to yourself.