[Ash123]

If you've been on here a bit, you may have seen the post I created to help all the people who'd been put into breakup hell: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

NC is still truly the breakees best tool, but the question arises - at what point do I "take my shot" ?? i.e. If they contact me, but I do not contact back, what do I do? Or if you really think your love needs to be put out there one last time -what do you do?

Well, as always LESS is MORE. DO nothing to get something: A response or closure.

Still, there is one thing to try that I have tried and tested with positive results on a couple special occasions: The NC Grenade.
It's a one-time only break of NC that let's you put one major thing out there to clear your conscience and ensure that both sides can clear their heads.

I recommend it for someone with at least 1 1/2 years under their belt, and only if it's for a very serious relationship... monogamous, adult relationships (often over 25), for those who want to get married or continue an exclusive and mutually responsible relationship.

The NC Grenade can be tossed after 2 months. It should reference anything you wish you'd said or needed to be said at the time of the break, that was lost in the shuffle. This should not be followed with anything else. It doesn't hurt to mix in some humor if appropriate amid the earnest subject IF appropriate. It is short and sweet and references one subject.

If there is a response, respond back. See where it goes. Be brief. NEVER EVER EVER NEVER try to manipulate after that. Just be honest.

BE WARNED: A break in NC can result in lost time of recovery and relapse in healing. Only do this if you feel the pain cannot outweigh the need to clear the air one time. And understand that a polite response does not mean an invitation to reuinite.

If the breaker ever breaks NC the only time to respond is if it is an apology, a need to cover something new, a request to go forward.

If the response is neutral and deflecting... Silence is the only answer from there on.

Hope this helps a little with the insanity of heartbreak today and tomorrow.

[Skell]

Tactics don't work!

[Ash123]

I hear you Skell,

As I said, this is a controversial post. Perhaps too much so, but I wanted to start a conversation. I can say, it has definitely worked for me. In both cases, the woman left to get her life together. After a period there was a correspondence from me of support on a key subject. About 2 sentences. Both returned. The latter I am going on a 3rd year with.

It's not for everyone. In fact, I would only say that when someone wishes to take a risk, make sure you can handle the downside - otherwise leave it alone and NC... NC.

NC is the best medicine. But sometimes an audible can work 10% of the time if it's a mutually respectful relationship in a time-out phase.

[Skell]

Are these tactics you use working for you mac?

Didn't think so.

Ash, sorry to be abrupt in my post. I was in a bit of a hurry. There is a lot of sense in both your posts on Breakup Survival. I won't deny that. I just have a bit of an issue when tactics and games are used to try and win someone back.

Who honestly wants to win love through playing games? Not me. I'd rather earn it. But that's me. Mac will argue with me all day that I'm wrong but the fact is I very rarely, if ever see tactics / games bring someone back and have a successful relationship. Perhaps you're an exception.. Id much rather see the reason for the implementation of your advice be with the intent of moving on. Not winning back someone who left you because they didn't love you.

[Ash123]

This is a special case of communication being the "tactic" -

Well, The Survival Guide is the constitution and this was a small, special case amendment :-)

Actually, it's worked for me... But I really think you make a great point. And it should ONLY be done in a mutually loving relationship

But, I agree tactics are a fool's game 95% of the time.

I DO NOT recommend it for anyone BUT those in a mature (over 25), long-term relationship who may have gone silent after a split and pride may have been in the way. It is for a one-time, single clarification on an issue at the breakup... ONE TIME. RISK included...

IPerhaps for 1-2 iin 10 people, a simple communication may help solve things.

And though the danger is that everyone that reads this will think they're the 1- and get dinged badly... It's an anecdote to consider... Sometimes people DO breakup and return when one olive branch at the right time can help... I would say that the only person who should try it as a breakee is someone who is accused of something at the break which just isn't right...

If a person who says: "they need space, they don't feel it's working, they want time off..." the breakee is not a candidate.

[rol]

<The NC Grenade can be tossed after 2 months. It should reference anything you wish you'd said or needed to be said at the time of the break, that was lost in the shuffle>


Yes but if the original issue has not been handled the reconciliation will result in a breakup again.
Of course after 2 months the dumper may miss the dumpee (I have seen plenty of cases of it ) however if they get back together that underlying issue is still present,

I think after a breakup a period of at least a year is necessary, to heal and get over everything, then perhaps it could be possible to reconcile if they both have healed and matured and handled their issues.

2 months is just too short and the dumpee will not have healed at all during that stage.

[Ash123]

Yep, I agree... (in most cases)

Still, as I said, it is a grenade... it will probably blow up on you or them...
But, if there was a misunderstanding it is good to clear it up sooner than later.

Otherwise, as always, Silence is golden.