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packer2007 · Aug 30, 2007, 05:33 PM

I met a man 6 months ago. (we are both divorced x 2years and 47 yrs old) I have fallen in love with him and have told him. H e says he is not ready for love, won't be for 6-12 months, he says he just can't trust his heart to anyone and its not healed yet. He knows I want more than friends and that's what he calls me, not a couple and that hurts. I feel since we are only dating each other are we not more than friends? Also he was in AA for 1 year was sober 9 months and has been back to drinking x 1 year. He says it is due to new job, new surroundings and still in pain. He has a great job, Comes over on the weekends, but has been drinking by then, drinks the whole day. We go to dinner the bar and back to my place to drink. I have one or 2 but he drinks all weekend and during the week after work drinks then goes to sleep at 830pm. He is always tired. He is a great guy, we have everything in common and I love him, But he can't commit to me and he drinks all the time. My friends tell me to leave cause he's an alcoholic and he won't change.(he lives with his parents, has no bills, but loves the drink) And he also loves women, talks about how hot all these women are when we are out and all the women he had including his ex and still talks to her.He stares when out with him, but I guess that's a guy thing. Should I continue with him when I love him or look for better? I hate to be alone. What do I do?

GlindaofOz · Aug 30, 2007, 05:44 PM

Let's see he told you he is not ready for a relationship, wants to only be friends and he is using some phantom heat ache to go back to being an alcoholic.

I'd suggest kicking this guy out of your life and finding someone who will actually be worthy of being with you.

If you stay around you are just going to get your heart kicked around. By you staying he thinks that you are fine with just being friends which is why he talks about girls around you and acts the way he does. You love him he does not love you.

So you need to decide who do you love more him or yourself?

GlindaofOz · Aug 30, 2007, 06:27 PM

Yes. Leave. This man is an alcoholic. You cannot help him or change him. No your love will not heal him. He is the only one who can make the decision to start drinking. And honestly you know his history and are enabling him.

shygrneyzs · Aug 30, 2007, 06:29 PM

If you stay you have no one to blame for your misery but yourself. You already know he is a drinker and will not stop and all his activities revolve around alcohol. By staying you help maintain an environment that says it is okay to drink like he does.

Enabler is the right word. Don't do it. You have a very sad life ahead of you if you stay. VERY SAD!

Fr_Chuck · Aug 30, 2007, 06:30 PM

He is a drunk, and your life will be living at the bar, You can't have much else in common since that is all a drunk wants to do.

And you will just see him from bad times to worst times,

nicespringgirl · Aug 30, 2007, 06:45 PM

I am curious, why would you date someone who drinks most of the time?

Did he lie to you about his drinking problems or you were okay with that?

I understand he might get worse after you start dating him, but u can choose to leave him anytime you want.

If you don't want to leave him, and are blinded by the love you enjoy now, then don't complain about it.

Dennis777 · Aug 30, 2007, 07:07 PM

Hello.

RUN as fast as you can... If he has stopped and started then him stopping for you is almost zero. He might play the game for a while, BUT lets be honest he doesn't treat you like th especial Lady you are drunk or sober so why stick around.

Im sure there are a number of Men that would treat you like the special you are so take your time and let Mr. Right sweep you off your feet.

Dennis777

chuff · Aug 30, 2007, 07:51 PM

This guy is not interested in you, he's interested in having you around. He loves the alcohol more then anybody, he has no desire to be with you or anybody else since he has a free ride at home... at almost 50 years old. I'd say you could do better.

I'd recommend that you try being alone. You can't ever know what you have to offer until you spend time with yourself, learning about yourself.

diya · Aug 31, 2007, 04:15 AM

You love the man you see... but the man I see is not marriage material... so be with him... as long as you get fed up... and let go of him after awhile... he's an addict.. who is enjoying life at your expense... think about it...

shygrneyzs · Aug 31, 2007, 05:05 AM

No, you should not continue with him. Why? He cannot make his mind up, has gone back to drinking, admittedly "loves other women", lives at home with Mom and Dad and he is almost 50! By goodness! If you saw a movie with the main character like that you would think what a piece of garbage this guy is!

You hate to be alone and so you think that even a bad relationship is better than no relationship? That is not true. Being alone would be good for you. You can find other healthy and constructive ways to fill your day. Develop a hobby, volunteer (where you will meet other people), take a class, do something you have always wanted to do for yourself. Consider going to see a counselor and explain how you attached to a person who is a chronic alcoholic and cannot seem to get it through your head that this ia a bad relationship.

If you cannot see that you deserve better, then you do need a boost in yourself image and self esteem. Talking to a professional counselor would be a very good thing for you. Good luck.

talaniman · Aug 31, 2007, 09:15 PM

Stay and be miserable, leave and have a chance at finding happiness. Those are the only choices you have!! Its not that hard, because he will drag you to hell with him.

packer2007 · Sep 8, 2007, 08:41 PM

As stated previously, I have been dating a man for 6 months. He is an alcoholic(was inAA 2yrs ago, sober 9 months, drinking again and loves women-talks of how many has had and many more he wants and still talks to his ex and about her). I have decided to leave him(hope that's not a mistake), but should I talk to him face to face and tell him why or call or email him? I feel I should tell him why and to him or should I just not answer the phone and cut the ties?
And I do love him, so can the two of us be friends? Is that possible with his troubles and my loving him?

rkim291968 · Sep 8, 2007, 08:44 PM

Yes, I agree that you should tell him why. Face to face is better but if you don't have the courage, writing him a letter would be good, too. Good luck.

Stringer · Sep 9, 2007, 01:22 AM

I think there are a lot of "red flags" here.

1. Alcoholic; and still drinking
2. Talks about women he has been with AND who he wants to be with
3. Still talks to his ex and talks to you about her (a lot?)

I ask you; doesn't this ring a bell in your head? I've known people like him, what he has to offer you shouldn't be taking. Unless he has shown violence before I would see him, break it off and move on. The "relationship seeds" he is planting are not going to grow love.

packer2007 · Sep 15, 2007, 05:56 AM

I work at a hospital every fri, sat, and sun overnites. I seem to have a hard time finding a guy that doesn't mind my working weekends. About 90% of the guys I have had contact with don't even want to take me on a date because of my schedule. So I met a guy, doesn't mind my schedule but he's an alcoholic. So why do people put an emphasis on when you work? Why do they care so much about weekends only?

talaniman · Sep 15, 2007, 05:59 AM

The weekends are prime party time, and that's when most people are off work, and can go out. Don't worry you will meet someone who will enjoy being with you, despite your schedule.

packer2007 · Sep 21, 2007, 07:52 PM

I work every weekend(fri,sat and sun midnites) Would the guys out there have a problem dating a woman whom works that shift and try to be in a relationship with a woman working that shift? Are there guys themselves working the odd shifts looking for love, and having trouble finding it or is it just me?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 21, 2007, 08:05 PM

Of course, in our office right now, we have a lady who works days and her boyfriend works evenings, I have yet figured when they actually go out, but they have been dating for some time.

There are people working all sorts of shifts and you find breakfest dates and the such to see each other

packer2007 · Sep 21, 2007, 11:52 PM

A man and woman both in their late forties have been seeing each other for 6 months, the man still considers her a buddy. Shouldn't they be more than buddies?(they are only seeing each other)

MayMsredrose · Sep 22, 2007, 01:30 AM

Why do you think that they should be more than buddies?? He might feel with her himself sharing all his worries and thoughts... nothing more... not every relationship between man and woman should be love sometimes friendship between them is much much better..

Ms. Redrose