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Numb · Aug 30, 2007, 03:34 AM

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

ConfusedandLost · Aug 30, 2007, 04:29 AM

I'm right there with you... we started this whole "break" thing on the 8th. She called everyday for a week since. Then nothing... a couple of days would go by and she would initiate contact again. Now we are on 3 days with NC... it used to be really hard in the beginning but it gets easier with time. I still love her, but I do not like the games she is playing...

Suelle383 · Aug 30, 2007, 07:28 AM

I'm on day 16 of NC. The first 2 weeks I was starting to feel pretty good. The past couple of days have been a little rough though... but the last thing I want to do is start the whole cycle over again so I'm not calling... EVER! Haha... no my goal is 55 days (I know it's a random #). And after 55 days I figure I won't want to ever talk to him again anyway.

Numb · Aug 30, 2007, 07:44 AM

ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?

Suelle, that's great! I envy you. I hope I can reach day number 16.. actually I wonder what might happen in 16 days!

Night is close and things are getting tough here but still holding.. hope I feel better soon :(

MissingHim2Much · Aug 30, 2007, 11:15 AM

HI
I'm on the 34th day of no contact and somedays are OK but most days are bad I miss him so much still. I don't know if its because I didn't see the breakup coming or what I guess I'm actually still in SHOCK! He doesn't even try to contact me either. I just wish I knew how long its going to take before I feel better.

Numb · Aug 30, 2007, 11:31 AM

Keep it up! This is great! You crossed a real long way! You're a tough girl, it's his loss without a doubt.

I guess we all didn't see it coming and it's the schock that's making it real hard to even accept the situation.

I wonder about the same thing too.. I mean, I really want to get back on track and do the things I used to do and I gave hope on having her back.. but I just want to move on, yet all I feel is this "dizziness". Anyone feels this too? I still can't feel like doing anything.

Or maybe because we deeply expect them to call us during the NC period that we can't really get over it 100% ?

Suelle383 · Aug 30, 2007, 11:38 AM

Anytime I miss him, I just remind myself that he's not the same person he used to be or the person I thought he was so what's the point in calling him? It will only make things worse... and frankly, he doesn't deserve my time or energy... let them keep guessing forever... they don't know that you're sitting here thinking about them 24 hours a day.. the only way they'll know that is if you call them and tell them... you want to NOT call them so they can start to wonder what the heck you're up to.

Numb · Aug 30, 2007, 11:50 AM

I don't know, they all seem to never care to call or anything.. so I guess they don't even wonder about what we're doing nor even wish to know. And when you think of it, it's real hilarious.. I mean, just 2 month ago, before she traveled she used to go crazy to know what I'm doing every hour.. just like she did the whole past 5 years.. but now, she cares not. I guess it was the same with you (?).

Suelle383 · Aug 30, 2007, 12:07 PM

He kept calling me for a month after we broke up and I finally just told him to stop and leave me alone. I didn't want to be friends. I told him when and if I want to talk to you, I'll call. After 3 1/2 years and 2 years of living together, you can't just suddenly become friends. So, I decided I had to go cold turkey and just the cut the cord.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 30, 2007, 12:15 PM

I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.

Jiser · Aug 30, 2007, 12:17 PM

I think I am on like a month and a bit now. Every day I think of her less and less. They don't bother, many of us will never know why the dumpers don't. Probably because the relationship is over? Feelings of guilt, confusion or just don't want to etc... Nc is a sure way of moving on though that's all I know.

I still remember times when I went out for a meal or a summer fête at my first school. As a dumper or dumpee are you likely to forget someone you were intimat with whether a long time or a short time... no!

Suelle383 · Aug 30, 2007, 12:19 PM

Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just got to focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 30, 2007, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just gotta focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.

Thanks Suelle. I think you are so right, I think the dumpers do have regrets but it comes later. I know him very well and he is a deeply emotional person so when it does hit him it's going to HIT HIM HARD!!

Jiser · Aug 30, 2007, 12:37 PM

Drop all those feelings of will they regret it etc... It doesn't matter. We have nothing to push for though whilst the dumper does, their choice is theirs not nessarily ours and they have to live with it, those guilty feelings or being treated badly by their next and maybe one day they will realise.. I actually had it pretty good. By then though were in our own happy lives with no feelings of confusion as we didn't cause it!

Numb · Aug 31, 2007, 04:59 AM

I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.

I'd love to think the same way, but they don't wonder about us, otherwise they wouldn't be away till now. It seems that there feelings can vanish in 24 hours, at least this is what I noticed regarding my situation with my ex.

But Suelle, what I get from your words is you're still hoping during the NC period, which won't make things easier for you.

I'm on my second day now.. like yesterday, so far feeling good, but I wonder how things will be at night.

Capuchin · Aug 31, 2007, 05:03 AM

I'm not sure that this thread is such a good idea.

The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.

At some point you have to stop counting.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 05:54 AM

No, I'm not hoping he'll come back because I'm getting to the place where I don't want him back. He's not the person I thought he was. It's not my fault. I'm hoping with every single day it'll get easier and easier to forget him and I'll be able to open up to someonelse again...

ConfusedandLost · Aug 31, 2007, 06:18 AM

[QUOTE=Numb]ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?

I guess it is good that she called at first... but now I have found that it is just torturing myself. It makes me want to get back to way it was. She needs time away from "us" regular contact like that just complicated things even more. She would say hi and talk about our days etc... I was kind of weird since we were making more contact after the break than did prior to it. She would tell me how much she misses me and she loves me... well than why are we on a break?

samesame · Aug 31, 2007, 07:51 AM

It's been 5 months since my ex cut the cord and 7 weeks of no contact (after a 4 year relationship). Things have gotten better for me since, but only in the sense that it's easier to go on with my life and do my day to day things without being completely paralyzed in thoughts. But then again today is a hard day for me and I should be working now, so, I'm still not completely healthy. Anyway, I still miss her and love her dearly and those feelings of confusion and shock are still there. There is also that hope that she will call, and the hurt that she hasn't... not even a little text message to say "hey, hope ur not dead." I know I should move on and it's all I can do, and I am doing it. But I can't help shake the feeling that I will always love this girl and want to be with her. It's not like it was when she first broke up, that desperate "I need her in my life" reaction to being rejected... it's more of a genuine at peace feeling... I don't know if this makes sense or anyone can relate. I know most here just get to the point were they say screw them (the ex), and maybe (hopefully), I will get there too someday.

Anyway, I know everyone's situation is different so not everyone will feel the same or go through the same process. The only thing that's similar for all of us is that there's nothing you can do, so keep taking it day by day. Eventually, something's got to give... whether you find someone else, wake up one morning and realize you don't care anymore, or the ex comes back one day.

In the meantime good luck to everyone, know you're not the only one going through this and keep everyone posted if you can.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 08:10 AM

So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!