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MLB33 · Jan 20, 2008, 07:33 PM

You're going to have to elaborate on that a little george. What do I do if I do want to get her back?

MLB33 · Jan 20, 2008, 07:47 PM

I'm so freakin confused... she just sent back "well-ok. I'll talk to you later." What do I do?? I want to tell her that I was doing so good until I got her text. Should I?

ISneezeFunny · Jan 20, 2008, 07:54 PM

Leave it alone. It's done. Conversation over. Wait until next time. Until then, just know that you did just fine.

George_1950 · Jan 20, 2008, 08:10 PM

MLB33, you wrote: " She said she was "pretty good" dont know Im trying my hardest not to read into that. But if it doesnt work then I for sure dont want to be her friend." You mentioned 'read into that', and that is what I am referring to when I say not to worry about what she is thinking; you are more concerned about her actions, I should think. That is why I believe it is so important to get away from the phone, email, and texts; and see her up front, in person, body language and all. Some girls, like guys, will say anything.

confused25 · Jan 20, 2008, 08:30 PM

MLB: I think you handled things very well. You were mature, calm, and lighthearted in your messages. As far as I'm concerned you did everything right. Now just go on with your life and wait till she contacts you again.

Also, it was a good thing that you didn't tell her you "were doing good before she sent you that text" or anything along those lines. Frankly, if you had done that it would have been rude and immature.

Just take it easy man and look at the positives: (1) SHE contacted YOU, which means that SHE was thinking of YOU, and thus means that NC worked in your favor; (2) Even though you waited a day to text her she responded in a very short time which again more then likely means you were on her mind.

Now this doesn't mean she will come running back to you and the relationship will work out. Nobody knows what will happen from this point forward. You just need to take it step-by-step and see where things go.

MLB33 · Jan 20, 2008, 08:32 PM

I may have messed up. I told her after she said that, that we I thought it would be best if we just didn't talk because I was trying to move on. She said OK I see how you feel and she understands good luck with whatever. So I sent back that I loved her (whoops) and said I didn't want to be that guy that's always there and asked how she felt. She said the way she did 2 weeks ago. That I would never be that guy and she always will love me but feels the same way she did 2 weeks ago and it just wasn't working. So I sent that I was going to be blount, if she wanted to talk we could and if she doesn't I love her too much to just hang onto this false hope. And then that's its been 2 weeks since we have talked at all and that she still feels the same way. And I wish we could have communicated better.

Got nothing back

confused25 · Jan 20, 2008, 09:59 PM

MLB: Unfortunately there is no rulebook when it comes to these things so whether you messed up is hard to say. Would I have done things differently, yes I would have left the conversation alone after you had initially ended it. Does that mean following my advice would have had her running back to you asking for a second chance, definitely not. In fact, maybe she would have never contacted you again because she was happy to see that you were doing "good." Nobody knows, so don't beat yourself up because whether you messed up or not is subjective and irrelevant.

Now what you need to do is play with this new set of cards that you've been dealt. She told you that she still feels the same after 2 weeks and that "it wasn't working." MLB, take those words at face value and let this girl go. She clearly doesn't want a relationship with you. Will that change in the future? Maybe, but for now the answer is no.

At this point this is what I would do in your position. Basically I would just go back to NC until she responded to that last text of yours. You were blunt, told her if she wanted to talk you could but otherwise you weren't going to hang onto false hope. In other words you gave her a choice and you have to wait for her to decide. Until she does (if she ever responds) please begin the healing process and begin moving on with your life.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 06:41 AM

Just got an e-mail from the Ex basically saying "it's been awhile since we talked, just seeing how you were doing and that she hopes we can be friends but doesn't want to give me the impression it will become anything more than that." This was after she saw me with another girl that was holding onto me. Any idea on what I should do?

Questions2007 · Jan 21, 2008, 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just got an e-mail from the Ex basically saying "it's been awhile since we talked, just seeing how you were doing and that she hopes we can be friends but doesn't want to give me the impression it will become anything more than that." This was after she saw me with another girl that was holding onto me. Any idea on what I should do?

If you don't want to be friends tell her that and continue with NC.

The jealousy is rearing its head now that she has seen you are moving on!

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 06:52 AM

Yea, she's making it seem like she's fine with me moving on and that she is too. I mean I did spend 2 and a half years with this woman so to completely exile her out of my life wouldn't be the best option. I might have to try this friends thing, but tow the line so I don't get trapped into the dreaded "Friends zone" I feel as though NC would further drive a wedge between us because part of me does wish things would work out for me. And being her first boyfriend I do not believe she has so many games on her mind, not to mention the fact that talking to her is the only way I will be able to show her I have changed with my jealousy

George_1950 · Jan 21, 2008, 07:12 AM

In case anyone has not seen this, or may wonder where it is:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 11:37 AM

Romefalls19: She was pretty straightforward in her e-mail, which I think is respectful. At the same time though, if you're right that she sent you this e-mail right after she saw you with another girl then my question is "Why?" She could have sent it any other time but this event sparked it. Could it be that she got scared and wants to be friends with you so she can keep tabs on you?

It's hard to say what her motive is. Maybe she really just wants to be friends. If that's the case then you need to decide if you're fine with just a friendship. However, if you want to be friends with her as a means of getting back with her then I would advise against it because I don't think it will work.

Who knows though, if you feel capable of staying out of the "friends zone" then just maybe things will work out. But in all honesty, it'll be a very difficult balancing act. Proceed with caution.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 11:41 AM

Yea, I am going to always proceed with caution ha ha. I have been friends with an ex before and it ended up working out after awhile. Because if I continue NC with her, she won't ever see that I have changed with my jealousy, which is the whole reason we broke up with to begin with. Even if we don't get back together, oh well, I'd rather have her in my life as that then nothing at all.

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 11:55 AM

Romefalls19: You sound very sincere when you say you'd rather have her as a friend in your life then "nothing at all." So with that said, I think being friends with her will be just fine. My only advice would be treat the whole situation as if you just met, so don't go out of your way to spend time with her. Stay busy, be mysterious, and those few moments you are with her make sure she laughs and has a lot of fun. Nobody knows what will happen between you two, but whether it once again becomes a romantic relationship or simply ends up as a good friendship, it sounds like a win-win situation for you.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 11:59 AM

Yea, I mean we shared 2 and a half years and I'm at the point in my life where she means too much to me to simply toss aside that. I'm not going to go out of my way to talk to her or anything. But like you said the fews I do see her I'll make some jokes and bring up the past.. Like things we did together, not as a couple, but just like "hey remember on the cruise when you got so burnt and such" like stupid little things. Yea, it will be a win-win situation for me. I actually think I found the true meaning of love, being able to be happy for someone if they are happy, even if it isn't with you.

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 12:02 PM

Romefalls19: I'm glad to hear that. I hope everything works out in your favor. Keep us up-to-date because I'd like to see how things go between the both of you.

spartan24018 · Jan 21, 2008, 12:03 PM

I've been doing well for myself. 4 months of NC and I don't even care about her anymore. Deleted her from my buddy list, phone, myspace, etc. After 4 solid months of no talking, no contact, she friend request me on MySpace. When I asked her, she replied with "idk.. i'm sick of hacking other ppl's myspaces to see ur profile i guess. so that's a no..?"
What is she trying to do? And what should I do about her?
Thanks guys, my mind goes blank when I think of what to do.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 12:10 PM

Of course I'll keep you guys up to date. I'm going to be needing advice about what possible things she means when we are talking... Do I bring up the new girl or not?

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 12:53 PM

Spartan24018: Think about what she said: "Im sick of hacking other ppl's myspaces to see ur profile i guess." It sounds to me that she is trying to either keep tabs on you or wants to get back into your life somehow (maybe both). Question is what do YOU want to do? Do you want at least have a friendship with this person, or do you just want to go your separate ways and forget about her forever?

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:03 PM

Romefalls19: I would definitely not bring up the new girl. In fact I would advise that both of you stay away from talking about each others personal/romantic lives because it will only breed jealousy, resentment, and problems. If she asks you about this new girl just tell her she's just a friend. When you see her with a new guy don't bring it up and when she tells you about him just tell her "Hey I want to be a part of your life, but right now I'm just not ready to hear about these other guys. Is it okay if we change the subject?"

Eventually in a few months when the friendship is on firm ground then it will be okay to talk about those things. But ask yourself, at this point are you really ready to talk to her about new relationships in each other's lives? Personally, where I'm at right now I just couldn't handle hearing from my ex-girlfriend that she met some other guy. So I would prefer to keep those things private. But it depends on how you feel.