[Romefalls19]

Okay guys, I have been using this forum for about 5 months now. Have learned so much about how to handle things. I must say, through the topics that are locked up top, to everyone else's stories. So I feel it's time to update you guys from what has been happening

So, I took everyone's advice on to play it cool... Well, I don't know what to make of the ex's latest actions so instead of dwelling, I'm coming to the best advice givers. So everyone said, play it cool. Don't text her, let her text me and then take time to respond and think of what I want to say. Well, she texted me Tuesday night after reading my myspace surveys about random questions. Well she texted me about that, and other things that happened in our past and then our plans for the summer. Then this girl we are both friends with kind of likes me and my ex flat out said "I don't think she's happy we talk again by the way she sounded when i told her..O wells"

So I ended the conversation a short while after, say that I will talk to her later. Well, I forgot to ha ha! So wens goes by with not a word. Then she texts me this morning about how "she brought of the summer coach bag"(that I bought her)

any ideas? I'm not trying to jump the gun or anything. And the friends I have on this site would never steer me wrong, so take the wheel

[bigbird213]

Rome,

You're a smart guy. You need to evaluate how you were feeling, before, during, and after the contact that you had with her. Did it upset you, did it phase you in the least? I think that if you can handle talking to her, in a manner as you did, then you would be okay to talk to her again. There are a few considerations though...

She might just be jealous about the friend that sort of likes you. It almost sounds like her comment about her was slightly underhanded, meant to make you think of her as jealous/someone you wouldn't want to continue interest in. Just make sure there aren't any hidden motives behind her talking to you.

Also, I'm not really sure what your intentions are. Do you want to talk with her as a friend? Do you still have feelings for her? Are you interested in dating her again? Your post left me a little confused, but I'm glad to see that you are taking your time and handling it well.

[talaniman]

That is a good question, what are your motives at this time? She obviously is trying to stay close on your mind, but its been a while, so what are you looking for with her contacts?

[Romefalls19]

hasn't upset me, but my intentions are that I would pursue a relationship again with her. But ONLY if we talk out the problems that plagued the relationship before. I feel as though my jealousy and possessiveness has been taken out of the equation.

She brought my mom up and how they are close, so I said funny, you two are kind of alike... and she responded with "lol yea well your mom is and was like a second mom to me" and I said "im glad you guys are close...you mean alot to her and it means alot you still talk to her...believe me i hear stuff bout it everyday lol" she followed it up with "hear stuff bout what? and yea your whole family means alot to me sir.. Duh" so I waited 20 minutes and thought about it.. and said "about how she things would be different and how she misses movie night and stuff like that..." she says "O i see..yea I miss that stuff.. and i miss that good a$$ corn on the cob(inside joke) lol okay well i gotta go..Bye sir"

sorry to put it all down, but I know how everyone here likes details ha ha and you guys are my friends so Im not going to hide anything from you's

[bigbird213]

Rome,

I'm going with my gut on this one. I really can't say why, but your manner of posting leads me to believe that you are falling into this a little faster then is safe for you. I don't want to see you get too involved and get hurt if something backfires.

You seem to have a great attitude about it, just be sure that you constantly keep your head if you continue to talk to her. It only takes one slip... remember that.

[spion_kop]

I don't know what it is about today but I'm going through the same thing. I'm feeling down and a bit sad. I've thought about her a lot today as today is the 29th. We use to always celebrate every 29th, each month. I guess that's why it's bothering me. It's been almost two months since we broke up and last month was even worse. It does get better, but today so far has been awful.

I don't know if she is thinking about me but I rather not think about that.

[talaniman]

I feel as though my jealousy and possessiveness has been taken out of the equation.

I know how hard you have worked and only time and the right situation can really tell, Aw heck guy, go for it, just remember, go slow, there is no hurry.

But ONLY if we talk out the problems that plagued the relationship before.

Communications and a willingness to work together, chances are you'll get good results.

[Romefalls19]

Thanks Tal! It means a lot coming from you that you see such an improvement! Nope no rush at all, it's been 6 months so no harm is waiting ha ha

BigBird, I wouldn't say I am jumping in too quick because I don't have the urge to text her, If we stopped talking today, I would be okay with it because of this site and what I have learned from it. A girl doesn't want a guy up her butt all the time... Obviously what I was doing, was working, so why stop? I just am posting so I don't respond with stupid stuff and it gives me a chance to tell you guys about what's going on

[bigbird213]

Tal,

I couldn't rate it, but I agree. You basically said what I was trying to. Make sure you go slow and keep your head up...

[bigbird213]

BigBird, I wouldn't say I am jumping in too quick because I don't have the urge to text her, If we stopped talking today, I would be okay with it because of this site and what i have learned from it. A girl doesn't want a guy up her butt all the time... Obviously what I was doing, was working, so why stop? I just am posting so I don't respond with stupid stuff and it gives me a chance to tell you guys about what's going on

After I re-read it I realized that I was reading her messages as you sending them to her. The messages just seemed a little hopeful, but in reality if things are looking up there is no reason that she (and you) can't be hopeful :)

[limeneko]

Its only been the 3rd day, and I sent her a message on Facebook today, god I'm pathetic

[bigbird213]

its only been the 3rd day, and i sent her a msg on facebook today, god im pathetic

Not pathetic, but hurting.

You need to think about your actions now, probably much more than you ever had to before. I know I did.

Think of how you felt after you sent the message, and how you feel now. I bet the way you felt afterward was nothing like what you wanted to feel like after sending it. It's a lesson that everyone has to learn, but once you learn it, the process becomes easier.

One of the keys to NC you might say.

[Romefalls19]

Ha ha no problem buddy. I wonder how she's going to take it when she finds out I'm going to the bar with her best friend tomorrow night(me and her are friends as well and won't be just the two of us)

Yea, she sends the messages bringing up the past. I just keep the conversation light hearted and take it as it comes. Think I should keep letting her text me or should I return the favor? I'm thinking let her text me

[bigbird213]

Sounds good to me. Throw her a bone once in a while, that way she won't get discouraged :p

[Romefalls19]

Lime... Don't worry, EVERYBODY falls off the horse when they just start. It happens, now take what you learned and felt after you sent that message. Get angry! Would you text someone that jumped you in the street? No! They caused you pain, they hurt you more than you should allow them, so why even bother with someone who hurt you emotionally?

[limeneko]

Still in the stage of trying to get over with it I guess.

[talaniman]

Its called denial, you just can't believe she did that, and you think you can talk her into changing her mind.

[zooropa1985]

Well folks I went out and bought an electric guitar, I've never played one before so I'm going to fill this time by learning how to play like a pro

[classicrocker]

zooropa1985, there you go my man. Put this "free time" to learn the guitar. And when you do get god at it you can(if your like me) get some of that pain,emotion,anger out through those six strings.

Lime; I was in the same spot you are say how pathetic I was. In reality your not. You've just been weakend by the pain. As hard as it is not talking to them is best. Its hard, and I still can't master it but it is always the best route to take in this position your in.

[Curlyben]

Thread continued here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ii-227290.html